


He not She

by tatakai



Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: M/M, Minor Mikasasha, Mpreg, Trans Character, Trans Eren
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-02-05
Updated: 2015-05-14
Packaged: 2018-03-10 14:43:57
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Underage
Chapters: 16
Words: 55,555
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3294221
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/tatakai/pseuds/tatakai
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Trans!Eren in cannonverse. Ereri. Finally an M/E rating. Three cheers for ereri porn. Mpreg and cute ereri babies ON HIATUS CAUSE I DECIDED I HATE THIS STORY ill finish it but god I messed up</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Call me Eren

**Author's Note:**

> Ugh, this is my second work. I have no idea what I'm even doing.

Eren POV

 

 _How.. how long had I been here now?_  

I looked around the cell that seemed to be my new home and sighed. It felt like I had been here forever. I didn’t see why I was even in here in the first place! After the trail, Hanje bandaged me up and brought me right back down here. Why? I was a scout now, was I not? That had been the decision!

I huffed like a child, sitting up in the bed. At least they didn’t chain me down anymore. That had been really annoying. Especially since I couldn’t adjust my binder. I had thought about asking the guard to go get Hanje and explain to them what I needed to do and why I needed to do it, but the thought of coming out to someone made my chest ache.

What if they no longer called me by my right name and pronouns? What if they made fun of me? What if they kicked me out of the military? What if they killed me for being even more messed up than they thought?

Oh why, why, why did I have to be a god damn titan on top of being trans? Wasn’t my life hard enough? Wasn’t I already enough of a freak? Of an outsider?

At least my titan form looked like a cis male titan. I don’t think I could have kept in the closet if my titan form had gigantic tits and curves.

God, I still remember coming out to my family like it was yesterday.

_I was ten. My girly name was grating down my spine every time I heard it._

_“Call me Eren.”_

_I had told everyone it was a nickname. It was easier than telling people the truth. The truth that I was trans. Only Armin and Mikasa knew the truth, I hadn’t even told my parents the truth at that point. Armin had accepted it right away; Mikasa took some work. She still agreed to help me though. She was the one who had fixed my hair after I had hacked it up myself trying to get it short. Armin had given me some of his old clothes that his Grandpa said he could give to me, and Mikasa patched them up. I stashed them under my bed, and wore them when I could. Mom preferred me in dresses because we had lots of them, and she always made me wear a nice dress when we went out or when dad was home. I hated it._

_Mom had been upset with me cutting my hair, as I figured she would be, but when she saw how much more comfortable I was with my hair short, she had relented. I had gradually gotten Mom used to seeing me in “boys” clothes, and was so much more comfortable. I started wearing pants underneath my dress when I had to wear it, but I was already planning my coming out to my parents._

_It happened a couple of months before Mom died. Mikasa had sat next to me, and Mom and Dad had sat across from us. I tried to explain what trans was and that I was it. Immediately, Mom started firing questions at me. I had started crying and Mikasa took over. She had listen to almost everyone of my rants, after all. I had begged them to used he/him and say Eren instead of my horrible birthname._

_Things had been tense for a few weeks after that. I felt tension mount inside of me and was almost physically sick. The pity in my Dad’s eye, the worry in Mikasa’s voice, and the confusion  in my Mom’s actions were all making me sick. I wondered constantly if I was loved. There was one moment when the tension had finally snapped, though._

_Mom had come into my room and announced that we were going into town for a little while, and that I was expected to come. I curled up on the bed, dread creeping up. She opened u my dresser, as she always did, to pull out my town outfit. I saw the long pink dress fabric as she pulled it out of the dresser and felt my stomach roll. No. No. Please. Tears fell down my cheeks and I stared up at her with a horrified expression. I saw her brows knit together in confusion before her face lit up in clarity._

_“Oh!” she said, as if she had forgotten something. She turned back to my drawers and instead of putting the dress back into the dresser, she placed it lightly on top of it. She bent down to the third drawer, where I started to keep Armin’s clothes, and my heart skipped a beat. She selected a red button down with patches in the sleeves and some blue overalls that were just a little too short._

_She laid them on the foot of my bed before sitting next to me curled up at the top._

_“Eren,” she said and I cheered inside. That’s my name. That’s my name, mom. I am Eren. She stroked my hair and whispered to me._

_“I’m sorry I keep messing this up...I….” she wrapped her arms around me and leaned into my ear, “I love my beautiful baby boy. Know that no matter what, Eren.” I cried while she rocked me for what seemed like hours. I was loved. I was loved and accepted._

_“When we are out today, let’s get you some new clothes. That dress belongs in Mikasa’s drawers.  Also, remind me to bake something for Armin and his family as thanks.” I cried until I couldn’t cry anymore. Tears of happiness._

_My family and Armin became my protectors then. Mikasa would deal with my bullies. Armin comforted me with books about trans people and facts about gender and sexuality. (It was this research that lead him to find out he was homosexual.) Mom dealt with the teachers and school when I was suddenly signed up under a different name. Dad answered all my questions about the medical side – e.g. when will I grow body hair? Can I grow a beard? Is it possible to increase my testosterone?- with patience and understanding._

_It was only about a month before Mom died that I had really started to feel… okay again. It was beginning to feel like we had always been a family of Mom, Dad, and their daughter Mikasa and son Eren. It didn’t last long, though._

I shuddered. I hated thinking about Mom’s death. I felt the panic rise inside of me, and the anger brewing in the pit of my stomach. I wanted to chomp down on my thumb and burst through the building to hunt the titan responsible down.

I needed to think of something else, quickly. That line of thought could only end in trouble.

I thought instead about Mikasa and her reactions to me being trans. She didn’t understand, though she tried to. We still fought sometimes.

 

_“Are you completely sure? Once you put down ‘Male’ on the enlistment form, there is no going back. You will be put in a male bunk with the guys.” Then in a softer voice, she added, “You won’t be in the girl’s bunks… with me.”_

_“Fuck-a-doodle-doo, Mikasa. The cock isn’t in my pants but it’s still crowing for you to wake up.” I was angry. I belonged in the male bunks and I would fight to get there._

_“Eren,” came her patient response, which just made me even angrier. I hated it. She was always so cool. I envied her ability to keep calm. Despite what everyone thinks, I hate feeling angry. It was an automatic response, though, to a challenge. I disliked being angry, but I was a fighter._

_“I will be in the male bunks with the men because that’s where men belong and that’s what I am. I have always been a man, Mikasa. We have been over this a million times.” I was exaggerating. Mikasa had taken it very well and had helped me a lot. I was just angry right now._

_“Okay, Eren. I understand.” She had looked away then, bringing her scarf up to her nose and inhaling. I had felt like shit in that second for snapping at her._

I was brought out of my thoughts by someone coming down the stairs. I stared expectantly at the entrance to the cells. Levi, Hanje, and Erwin rounded the corner and came to a stop in front of my cell.

“Hi there, Eren! How are you doing?” Hanje asked me excitedly while Erwin and Levi stood stoically.

“Fine.” I croaked out.

“Great! So we are getting things wrapped up for you to be officially in the scouts! We just need to do a medical questionnaire and pat you down, okay? I’ll be writing everything down, and Levi is here for security, so Erwin is going to pat you down.” What? What the hell do they mean “pat me down”?

“I don’t have any weapons on me, if that’s your concern.” I said. Levi snorted while Erwin unlocked my cell.

He stepped in and my attention narrowed in on him immediately.

“That’s not our concern, Eren. Now, let’s begin. First of all, is anything hurting?” Hanje was looking down at their list of questions now.

 _Just my fucking chest under this binder._ “No.”

“Feeling sick?”

“No.”

Erwin was standing next to the bed now.

“When’s the last time you felt sick?”

 _Right now, with Erwin so fucking close._ “ I- I can’t remember.”

 

Hanje looked up from their clipboard. All three of them had their eyes glued on my face.

“Are you okay, Eren? You look panicked, and you are turning red.”

“I’m fucking fine.” I rushed out. If Erwin weren’t about to “pat me down” I would have been more worried about my bad habit of curing when stressed.

“Are you sure? What’s making you nervous?”

“I-I don’t fucking know.” I curled my legs up to my chest and put my face into my knees, wrapping my arms around my legs.

_Don’t have a penis. Don’t have a penis. If he touches me he’ll know. He’ll know. He’ll kick me out of the scouts. My hard work to avenge my gentle mother, gone. Disappeared in an instant. My life’s mean will cease to exist._

“Is it me, Levi, or Erwin?”

“E-erwin.” I choked out.

“You’re afraid of Erwin?” I could hear the confusion in Hanje’s voice.

I heard movement from where Erwin stood and I lifted my head to see what it was exactly that he was doing. He had knelt down next to the bed and had placed his hands on the mattress in front of me.

“Is this because I ordered Levi to hurt you?” He was close now. I know he thought showing a little submission by getting lower and placing his hands where I could see them would make me feel better, and it did, to an extent, but it also meant that he was closer.

“No.” I said, and I was surprised by how firm my voiced sounded. I looked up into Erwin’s blue eyes. If I wasn’t so scared, I would probably be attracted to him and enjoy this closeness.

He looked confused, so I went on. “I don’t like being touched.”

“By me?” Erwin asked, looking like he had just figured it out.

“By anyone.” I answered.

I looked to Hanje and Levi now. Levi had moved close to the cell and had placed his hands on the bars. Hanje was leaning as far in as they could get.

I wondered what they were thinking. I shook myself back into line. I had one chance to communicate this, and I had to do properly and tactfully. I looked back at Erwin.

“If you touch me wrong. I will turn into a titan.” His eyes were ice now.

Hanje’s clipboard clattered to the floor. Levi let go of the bars.

“You will do no such thing, brat.” It was Levi that had spoken, and his voice was full of warning.

“Levi” came Erwin’s voice, his eyes still on my face, equally full of warning.

“If you transform, you will be killed.” Erwin stood as he said this, not submissive or comforting in the least anymore.

“I accept that as a consequence.” I said simply. All three of them turned hard on me.

_Great job with the tactfulness, Eren. A++._

“You can’t touch me and not expect me to defend myself.” My voice wavered toward the end. I felt like begging. I hated this so much.

 

“I’m not going to hurt you, Eren. I’m going to pat you down and see if there’s anything out of the ordinary about you.”

I couldn’t help it. I picked up my pillow and screamed into it.

_THAT IS EXACTLY WHY I DON’T WANT TO BE TOUCHED._

When I finished, only then I looked up and noticed something. Levi was in the cell, moving toward me quick.

 

He grabbed my hands and pinned them on either side of me on the headboard, effortlessly swinging his body onto the bed and coming down before my shaking form.

“Calm down, brat. Does Hanje need to sedate you?”

“N-no. J-just don’t to-to-to-“ I broke off into sobs. God, this was going awfully. Levi’s face softened slightly when he saw me cry.

“Erwin.” It was the only thing Levi had to say and Erwin exited the cell.

Levi let me up slowly, sitting at the foot of the bed. I curled in on myself and sobbed.

“You wanna tell us what’s wrong?” Hanje’s soothing voice came through the bars.

“Don’t touch me. I- I’m begging. Just kill me Levi,” I looked up into his face to find his normally stoic expression had turned shocked, “out of mercy.”

He suddenly turned angry. I felt it before I processed it. Pain on the right side of my face. He had slapped me.

I held my cheek while he exited the cell, pulling the door closed behind him.

“No examination. Just the questions.” He stated.

“But Levi-“ Hanje began.

“No examination. Just the questions.” He said again.

Hanje looked at Erwin.

Erwin looked at Levi. Levi looked back and Erwin and even Eren could tell they were communicating just through sight. (I would wonder later how they got to be so close.)

Erwin nodded at Hanje and I felt a rush of gratitude.

“Thank you, Captain Levi!” I cried out. He turned swiftly back towards me.

“Shut up you shitty brat.”

Erwin rose, turning on his heel.

“I will leave now, and attend to other duties. I am sorry to have frightened you, Eren.” Erwin left with that.

Hanje asked the questions, and I answered them as quickly as possible. The only one I had stumbled over were the sex questions.

“Are you sexually active?”

“Ah! What does that mean?” Levi had tsked at that, leaning further back in his chair outside the cell.

“Are you having sex with anyone?” Hanje was patient.

“No.”

“Are you a virgin?”

I blushed and looked down. Levi leaned forward in his chair.

“Yes.”

“How many times approximately do you masturbate each week?” I must be glowing bright red.

“Ah!” I said, covering my face with my hands.

“I know, Eren. We need as much information as possible, though.”

I couldn’t help but peek between my fingers at Levi. He was looking back at me stoically. God. How many time had I thought of him while I masturbated?

“I don’t fucking know. It fucking varies.” I squeaked out.

“Then give me a min and max number, silly.”

I kept my face covered by my hands.

“I just fucking depends.”

“On what?” They said, leaning forward, their eyes sparkling.

 _On my fucking period._ I wondered what their faces would look like if I actually said that.

“Things!” I was squeaking again. Levi’s eyes were glued on my face.

“Hmmm… just give me a min and max then and we’ll move on…,” they trailed off only to add, “though I would love to know what a titan finds attractive.”

_Well, other men for one. Specifically dark hair men. Small, dark haired men. Small, dark hair men named Levi._

“0-7” I squeaked out, trying and failing not to make eye contact with the man that was featured in 99% of my fantasies.

“None at all to every day?”

I nodded weakly.

They scribbled it down and moved on to the next question. I sighed.

_Please, let this be over soon. I want to shower and sleep and, most importantly, take my fucking binder off!_


	2. Shower

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> warning: heavy on the chest dsyphoria

Eren POV

Showering always brought out my dysphoria. I hated it. The feeling of my unrestrained chest never failed to make me uncomfortable. It didn’t matter that I was alone, or that there was three shower walls and a curtain around me; I still hated it. I hated having to soap myself up, too, not because I liked being dirty, but because I hated feeling the curves and smooth feminine places of my body. I wanted rough, hairy parts, not this body that seemed forever smooth and soft even though I never shaved or moisturized. I always felt this sharp ache in my chest when I washed between my legs. To me, those genitals were wrong.

I was grateful that the trainees had full length male showers instead of the half-length showers that seemed so popular in the older dorms.  It would be very interesting for me to explain why I had breasts in front of a bunch of naked cisgender men. Which was precisely the situation I was about to find myself in in a few moments if I didn’t think of something quick.

I had told Levi and Hanje that I needed a shower, and they had very different reactions. Hanje had said that they hadn’t showered in a week, while Levi made a face of disgust. Levi, being the clean one, told me he would get to work on that right away because he would rather not deal with my “sticking, shitty body odor”. He had left the room, then come back only a few moments later saying that I could shower, but he would be present for security. I had agreed, thinking it would be no different than showering at the trainee dorm male showers, where we had little full body stalls.

Now, I was standing in the male bathroom in the Scout officer building, where Levi and Erwin and Hanje stayed, at 17:40 and Levi was waiting for me to strip and shower. It was an older building, meaning it didn’t have the full body showers, yet.  He was leaned against the wall opposite one of the half-body showers and gesturing to it.

“Well, Yeager? I haven’t got all day.” He said, a hint of something in his eyes.

17:45

Shit. Dinner let out at 18:00 and then all the men who showered at night would be pouring in here.

“I-I-“ my throat was thick.

“What’s wrong?” He asked, no emotion showing on his face. “You stalling so that maybe the others will come up here and you can put on a show?” So, he was aware of the time.

I started to tear up.

“N-no. That’s exactly what I don’t want.”

“So you’re shy.” I nodded.

“It’s just me, brat.” Levi said, his voice harder. “But that won’t last for long. Shower.”

I shook my head.

“Levi, I can’t!”

“Why not?”

“I can’t fucking let you see me naked!” My voice was getting louder. I didn’t mean to; it just happened.

He sighed deeply. After a few minutes of intense staring, he relented.

“I’ll turn around.”

“Not good enough.” His eyes flashed.

“I can’t leave you alone, titan.” He said, cutting me deep.

“I would rather stay dirty.”

“I’ll order you do shower; I won’t have a dirty person working with me.” He paused. “Besides Hanje, but they’re the only exception.”

“I’ll disobey.” He raised an eyebrow.

“You will disobey my orders?”

“Yes, I will.” I stared at him hard, the air between us thick.

“You would be punished.” His voice was low and full of warning. It reminded me of when he was speaking while beating me in the court room.

“I would accept that as a direct consequence of my actions.” I repeated what I had said in the cell.

“You would rather be punished than let me see your chest?” I nodded.

“Just like you would rather be killed than be touched,” he spat. I looked down.

“Yes.” I said weakly, the tears starting to come.

“I don’t understand.”

“I’m sorry.” I glanced up at him and saw his brows brought together in confusion.

Down the hall, we heard a loud ruckus approaching. I glanced at the clock on the wall.

18:05.

I gasped, causing Levi to look at me. I held my heart with one hand, feeling my heartbeat rise up in my throat. Tears were streaming down my face. Why? Why did I have to be born in this world where trans people were treated as freaks? Why did I have to keep myself a secret? Why was I born with these globs of useless flesh on my chest? I wanted them gone. I wanted to be gone. I wanted to curl up and disappear to a world where I was a happy, healthy cisgender man living with my family who were all alive again. A dream world.

“Woah, man, you okay?” said the first scout who entered the bathroom. His smile had fallen as he looked at my crying, shaking form standing in front of the shower. His eyes flashed over to Levi, then back to me. His friends, who had been making the ruckus, filed in beside him and were gawking at me.

“He’s fine.” Levi pushed off the wall, grabbed my arm, and tugged me out of the room. He pulled me all the way down the hallway, up the stairs, and he stopped in front of a room. I, who had been crying the whole time, steeped forward blindly, not able to see through the tears. Levi guided me. When he stopped, I ran into him, his small form surprising taking my weight well and not even moving an inch.

I mumbled out a string of “I’m sorry”s before he told me to shut the fuck up. I wiped my nose and eyes on my arm while he opened the door and went inside.

I heard Erwin before I saw him.

“Levi?” Erwin said from inside.

“Get in here, brat. Shut the door behind you.” Levi chose to address me instead of answering Levi.

I stumbled in, closing the door behind me like I was asked. It was Erwin’s office and bedroom, which were connected. I only knew that because his bedroom door was open, and I could see the corner of the bed covered in a dark green blanket from where I was standing.

“He needs to use your shower.” Levi said bluntly, sitting on the couch in the little sitting area before Erwin’s desk.

They looked into each other’s eyes and I saw the communication flash between them. I didn’t know what was said, but I hoped it wasn’t about me. I crossed my arms over my chest and clutched at my shoulders, hoping to cover my chest a bit more.

Erwin broke eye contact with Levi first, flashing over to me, his face spelling out confusion.

He looked me up and down for a moment, then broke out in a wide smile.

“Of course, Eren, make yourself at home.”

Levi appeared by me suddenly, tugging me away into Erwin’s bedroom. I followed him. He stopped and left me next to the bed, turning around to close the door on Erwin, who was hard at work again.

He stood before me again, looking up into my eyes and he spoke with a gentleness I had never heard before. “I’m going to sit on Erwin’s bed and wait for you. You shower in the bathroom right there.” He gestured to one of the doors leading out of Erwin’s bedroom.

I looked at the door cautiously.

“Hey.” I looked back at him. “Erwin said it’s okay. Go now, and hurry up.”

“I didn’t-“ I hiccupped before resuming my sentence, “say than-“.

“He knows your grateful, Eren.” Levi interrupted while sliding his boots off and hopping up on Erwin’s bed.

I hurried into the bathroom, grateful to have a door between me and Levi and two doors between me and Erwin. I stripped faster than I ever have before, knowing I was short on time. I stepped into the shower, quickly figuring out how to use it. I looked around the shower and found only Erwin’s expensive soaps. I considered not using any, but I knew Levi would be mad if I didn’t smell nice after showering. I was more afraid of Levi than I was of Erwin, so I soaped up using his luxury soap and, had I not been crying so much and having dysphoria issues, I might have enjoyed it.

Levi POV

After a few minutes of hearing him shower, I left Erwin’s bedroom and stepped into his office. He addressed me before I had even stepped into the room.

“What did you do to him, Levi?”

“I didn’t do a fucking thing, Erwin.” I left the door to the bedroom open and crossed over to the couch barefooted. I knew the floors were clean because I had cleaned them myself, so it wasn’t a problem.

“Why is he like that then?” Erwin sat down his reports and came over to the sitting area in front of his desk, taking a space on the couch opposite mine. A table little coffee table with a tea set and some books sat in between us; I felt like throwing one of those books at his head.

“I. Don’t. Know.” I growled out the words.

Erwin gave me a pointed look and I began to explain.

“He was so excited to get to shower, but then he panicked when we got to the showers. Seems like his dumbass had finally realized that he showering and I supervising equals me seeing him half –naked.”

“Which I’m sure you had no problem with,” Erwin said smirking. I chose to ignore him. He knew I was gay and he also knew I lusted after Eren, but neither of us knew if Eren was gay, so it didn’t matter. It was bad enough I had slipped and called him Eren earlier. I hoped that he hadn’t noticed that.

“He told me he would rather be dirty than let me see him naked.” Erwin’s eyes widened. He knew what an insult that was to me.

“Yeah.” I continued, “I said I would order him to clean, and he said he would disobey me and accept his punishment for doing so.” Erwin put his face in his hands.

“You can’t push like that, Levi. You can’t push him; he will always push back. Both of you going at it like that is what leads us to him acting out and getting killed.”

“Tch,” I wasn’t happy.

“You’ve made some good decisions, Levi. Bringing him here, that was a good decision. Calling off the pat-down, that was a good decision. If he gets too emotional, it’s pretty obvious he will turn into a titan.” Erwin leaned back on the couch, crossing his arms. “I do wonder why it is he doesn’t like to be touched or seen naked, though.”

“I don’t know.” I didn’t like where this was headed.

“Maybe he was sexually assaulted.” Erwin said.

“Erwin.” I ground out. I didn’t like to think about that.

“There are a lot of bad people in the world, Levi.” Then, he said in a lower tone, looking into my eyes intensely, “You know that.” My days of being in the underground flashed before my eyes. I did know that.

I looked away and swallowed hard.

The water shut off in Erwin’s bathroom.

“Don’t push him, Levi. His is the kind that will always push back, harder and further.” I nodded, then we both stood up. I returned to the bedroom, while Erwin returned to the desk.

I went over to Erwin’s dresser and pulled out one of his sleeping shirts. It was a simple tee-shirt in a scouting legion green. It was most likely a gift; he never bough clothes this color, but it seemed like it was the only thing others gave him. I went over to the door and knocked sharply.

I heard him cry out then he almost screamed, “Don’t come in!”

“I’m not, brat. I’m letting you know that I have one of Erwin’s shirts for you. Sorry, but there is no way you’d be able to fit in Erwin’s pants.” I heard him sigh.

“Just one second!”

I waited. I heard him struggle for a few moments, then he cracked the door open. I looked in at him. He was clutching to the towel wrapped around his shoulders tightly. I reached out to hand him the shirt. His shaky hand reached out and clutched hesitantly at the fabric. I looked into his eyes, so big and emerald and frightened and thought he looked like a sad puppy. I wanted to hold him and stroke his hair and make him cum until he felt better. Apparently our eye contact startled him, because he dropped the shirt.

“I’m so fucking sorry!” He rushed out, turning red. I reached out to pick it up and he cried out, “Let me!”

I watched him as he bent down, his towel revealing a few inches of his chest. I saw something peachy wrapped around his chest, which had a confusing slight swell to it, and it disappeared when he stood back up, clutching the towel tighter around him.

“I’m so sorry!” He said again, his face still red.

“It’s okay, Eren.” My voice sounded puzzled, because that’s how I felt. He nodded, then went back inside to change. I walked back out to Erwin’s office. This time he didn’t bother to look up, knowing it was me.

“He has something wrapped around his chest.” I said and Erwin looked up. “It’s peachy, like a bandage. If he wasn’t so tan, I wouldn’t have noticed.”

“Maybe he’s hurt?” Erwin suggested.

“He’s a titan; he can heal.” I said, still confused.

Erwin hummed. “Ask him?” He suggested.

“No. That’s probably why he didn’t want to be seen naked in the first place. I highly doubt he would tell me. It would just damage our trust.” Erwin nodded.

“You’re making better and better decisions with him all the time, Levi. Who knows, maybe you will get him.” Erwin smiled.

“Shut up, old man.”

Eren came out of the bathroom then, and I felt my cheeks heat up. Erwin’s shirt was way too big and he had tucked one side into the waist of his tight white jeans. His face was flushed from the shower, and he smiled up at me. Oh dear god, the scouting green shirt made his eyes the center of attention, showcasing them like the precious gems they were.

“That looks good on you, Eren. It makes your eyes stand out.” Erwin said, and I could feel the smile in his voice. Fucker.

Eren glanced over at Erwin, and I felt envious that Eren wasn’t looking at me when he was dressed so damn cutely. He flushed even deeper in pleasure, and looked down at his feet.

“Thank you, Commander, for everything.” He was so fucking cute I wanted to eat him like a cupcake.

“Call me Erwin when it’s just us, Eren.” He looked up shocked at Erwin and I felt jelous again.

“Thank you, Comman- er, I mean Erwin!” Erwin laughed deep and booming and Eren smiled.

I would get to the bottom of what happened to him, and I would protect him and make him mine. If he doesn’t want me, I’ll make damn sure who he does end up with takes good care of him.

I grabbed his arm, feeling the smooth, hot skin, and started tugging him to the door. I liked to tug him places, it gave me excuses to touch him. I wondered if I could tug him somewhere with my lips. Maybe on his. Maybe back to my room.

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> now kiss! Am I right? Or am I right?


	3. Panic and Reveal

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ive already picked out my next set of stories - I like to have two going at once and these two are almost done- a mermaid au and a demon/angel au. I've done two realistic ones, now im feeling up to fantasy

 Eren POV

I wasn’t sure if it was paranoia or real, but I could have sworn that Levi was looking at my chest more than ever. Once or twice was a coincidence, but I have caught him looking at my chest at least ten times now. Each time I caught him, I would cover up my chest quickly. I knew that by doing so, I was drawing even more attention to my chest, but I couldn’t help it; it was an instinct.

I had started thinking about asking Armin to make me another binder. I didn’t want to bother him with that though. He’s been so good about making me them whenever he could. I had two right now.

It had been almost magical the day he had given me my binders.

_“Eren, why have you been so crabby lately?” Armin looked at me worriedly. “Is something the matter?”_

_“Yeah, my fucking chest hurts!” I called out in a huff. From beside me I heard Mikasa say something about watching my language and I chose to ignore it._

_“Because you’ve been wrapping bandages around it?” Armin asked, not meaning to set me off._

_“Yes, Armin! What else am I supposed to do? These fucking things keep growing and growing. I hate it!” I had been about 12 then; it was right before I had entered the trainees. My breasts had started to develop and I was trying with all my might to push them back down._

_“Eren, I was reading in one of the old gender books I’m not supposed to have, and it says that binding with bandages is very bad. You have to use a specially made binder.” Armin was calm, even when I was angry._

_“Where the fuck am I supposed to get one of those?” I demanded._

_“Eren, I’ll make you one! I’ll figure it out; I’m smart.” Armin smiled, and he did._

_It took about a month to gather the materials and make. He used some women’s shapewear for the compression fabric and sewed it to fit my chest. It was like magic and my whole world changed. I could breathe; I could move; I could live! I finally didn’t have to have uneven pressure all around me and my rib cage would no longer feel cracked to bits. The best part was that with the even pressure, my chest looked completely flat._

_I had cried and hugged him over and over._

I had been so grateful then, just as I was now. I had thought about wearing both of them at the same time to make my chest even smaller and hopefully Levi would stop looking at it, but decided against it. Binding was bad enough… wearing two binders might be downright dangerous, especially with all the movement that was demanded of a soldier. I couldn’t shake the feeling that Levi was on to me, though. He had been acting really weird since the shower.

I had been given permission to use Erwin’s shower on the condition that I only go in there when he’s in there and while I was in his room, I not touch anything and update him on my titan condition fully. I brought my own soap and clothes from now on, too. I showered in there every other day around the same time as I had the first time, and most of the time when I came out Erwin and Levi were sitting on the couches at the little sitting area. Sometimes Erwin invited me to sit next to him and talk for a while, which, I noticed, caused Levi to practically bristle.

I thought about Levi a lot. Too much… I sometimes felt like a love sick puppy. Especially since I knew there was no way he wanted me in the way I wanted him. I tried to focus my lust onto someone else, but it was an exercise in futility. I tried to fantasize about Erwin, him taking me on his desk, and that didn’t work. I tried to think about Petra, us falling together in the training forest, and that didn’t work. (I preferred men over women, anyway.) I tried to think about Mike, him pounding me up against a wall, but that didn’t work. I tried to focus on every single one of Levi’s squad and all of Levi’s friends and all of my friends and nothing worked. After I got the least bit aroused, my mind drifted back to Levi. The only thing that happened as a result of these exercises was my blushing constantly while I was around any of the others.

 

I was brought out of my thoughts by the sound of someone coming down the stairs. I started blushing already, knowing that whoever was coming down here, odds are I had tried to masturbate to them. It was Hanje. Yup. I had tried them. I had tried a fantasy about them coming in the cell to “examine” me. I looked down at my hands. Even though it had quickly switched to Levi, I was not proud.

“Great news! You finally get out of this cell!” They clapped their hands. I looked up at them.

“What? Really?” I had been kept down here until they could figure out what t do with me.

“Yes! You’re moving the one place we know you’ll be secure.” Oh no. No. NO. NO. “Levi’s room!”

“NO!” I couldn’t help it.

“What?” They were so confused.

“I can’t! That’s his room!” I quickly thought of an excuse for my reaction. “I can’t invade his space!”

Hanje laughed and they waved their hands in front of them.

“It was Levi’s idea!” Oh no. My stomach sank and I felt like I had swallowed a rock. “He won’t mind a bit!” They unlocked the cell and gestured for me to come.

I stood weakly. My excuse was nothing since Levi had come up with the idea himself. My mind whirred at a million miles a minute. I tried to think of what this could mean. Obviously, the close quarters would mean that there was an increased chance of him finding out. I would just have to be extra careful until I had earned enough trust to maybe get my own room.

They gestures for me to follow them. I did. They talked the whole way up there about how my bed was already moved in and how Levi had moved all his stuff to one side and how Mikasa and Armin had brought up my stuff from the trainee dorms. I barely heard any of it. I felt nauseous with the thought of being outted.

We turned into the hallway and I saw down the hall Levi was leaning against the wall. We walked to him and he gestured to the door beside of him.

“This is my room, where you will be staying. Memorize where it is.” He said. I nodded. He pointed at the room across the hall.

“That is Han-“ He started.

“That’s my room, Eren!” Hanje interrupted with a squeal. “Stop by anytime you need anything, or if you just want to talk about titans. Especially if you just want to talk about titans.”

“Hanje.” Levi said gruffly.

“Oh, sorry. Is this supposed to be special Eren and Levi time? I’ll go now.” They laughed with a wink and skipped over to their room. Levi scowled and I blushed.

He pointed at the ceiling. “Erwin’s room is there. The same position mine is in, but a floor up. Memorize that one, too. Be sure not to try and go in there without both me and Erwin present, though.” I nodded. He turned on his heel and opened the door.

“Close it behind you.” He ordered. I did.

His room wasn’t as big as Erwin’s as there was neither a separate office room nor a bathroom. The wall on the left had a bed pushed up against it all the way in the corner, touching the back wall. The other bed was in the same position only along the right wall. There were two little night stands and a dresser between them. He had moved all his things to the right side, and I could see my stuff Hanje said Armin and Mikasa brought up from the trainee dorms on the left bed. I walked over to it, noticing my clothes were missing.

“Where are my clothes?” I turned to see him leaning against the wall on his side of the room, watching me.

“I put them in the left side of the dresser.” He nodded toward it. My other binder flashed before my eyes and I wondered if he had put it up. I wondered if he knew what it was. I felt panic rise in my chest, but I pushed it down. I didn’t know that yet. I was sure Armin and Mikasa were too smart to just leave my binder on a pile of clothes in his room. They probably still had it.

“Okay” my voice was shaking.

“Eren,” he said, his voice hard.

I turned to see him walking toward me.

“What’s wrong?” He asked.

“N-Nothing,” I stuttered. He was standing so close to me. I could smell his musk everywhere in this room and it was making my head swimmy.

“Do you trust me?” He asked, his eyes narrowing.

“Yes, Levi!” I said, trying to make my voice sound strong.

“Good. Our relationship is,” he paused for a moment, “tricky.” My breath caught in my throat. What did he mean relationship?

He must have noticed my stiffness, because he quickly followed up with, “What with me trying to protect you from people and trying to protect people from you at the same time.” Oh. He was talking business, not romance.

“We’re going to depend a lot on trust, Eren. We’re also going to depend a lot on honesty. You can tell me things, you know.” He said, his eyes never leaving mine. My own eyes widened. Just what was he getting at?

“You have anything you need to tell me, Eren?” He asked.

“No, Levi,” he said.

“Not as a soldier, but as a human being, Eren,” He said, putting his hand on my shoulder. It had been the first time anyone had actually called me a human being since my transformation. I wanted to cry.

“No, Levi, there’s nothing I can tell you.” I said, tearing up. Why was he being so nice? His eyes flashed and he dropped his hand from my shoulder. He walked to his bed and sat on it.

“Can? Nothing you can tell me?” He asked. I nodded.

“So there is something you want to tell me but you can’t?” Shit. What was I to say to that?

I hid my face in my hands, unsure of what to say. I felt the tears on my hands before I realized I was crying.

“Eren, is someone hurting you?” Levi’s voice was soothing in that moment. I looked up confused.

“No, Levi,” I said through my tears.

“You’re not hurt?” He asked. I shook my head.

“Okay, Eren.” He got off the bed and walked to mine. I watched him move my pile of books and notebooks and my few little treasures to the nightstand beside my bed and he set the sheets and blankets on the dresser. He grabbed the bottom layer of sheets and started to make the bed.

“Help me, brat.” He said, and I worked on the end opposite to him. So we were back to brat now.

As we worked he explained how he liked everything clean. He gave me instructions on how to clean everything on my side of the room and told me where I could find all the cleaning stuff at. As we were putting the finishing touches on my bed, I had stopped crying and grabbed my books. I was arranging them on the nightstand when he suddenly asked the question.

“Is there something wrong with your chest?” He asked. I dropped my books all over the floor and stared at him in what could only be horror.

“S-sir?” I said. I had to have heard him wrong. There was no way he could have found out!

“Your chest, Eren. Is it okay?” He was sitting back on his bed, his legs folded and his arms crossed.

I crossed my arms over my chest and started shaking.

“Eren, I am genuinely concerned for your health. Just answer the fucking question.” He wasn’t as nice now.

“I-I-I,” I just kept stuttering out I. I had no clue what to say.

“I need to know if you’re hurt. As both your superior officer and as your protector, Eren, I order you to tell me what’s going on.” Levi said, narrowing his eyes.

“I-I-I-I can’t!”

“You can and you will.” He narrowed his eyes at me.

“I refuse the order! Just punish me!”

“Your punishment is to tell me why you’re hurt. Did someone hurt you and you’re so emotionally damaged you can’t heal?” He said.

My head was spinning. I stumbled back, feeling my bed pressed against my knees.

“I-I won’t tell you!”

“Yes, you will.” His voice was dangerous.

I shook harder and harder, the tears pouring from my eyes. I knew that if he kept pushing, there would only be two options, me fighting him being forcefully outted and me telling him.

“Please, please, Levi, I’m begging you.” I sat down on my bed, shaking. I fell on my side, and curled into the fetal position. He stood up, crossing the small room and standing a little ways away from me.

“Eren? Are you okay?” He asked.

“I-I-I,” I felt my body shake and my throat close up. Terror consumed me, and I dug my nails into my shoulders. I screamed.

He stumbled back. He called my name. I felt like I was dying. My heart was about to pound out of my chest. I was sure it would explode. I couldn’t breathe. I screamed again. He ran out of the room.

I gripped the bed. I had to get up; I had to find Mikasa and Armin. They would know how to help me! I tried to stand up, but ended up shaking on the floor. I curled into a ball. I heard the door open and I screamed again.

“Good god, Levi, what have you done?” That was Erwin’s voice.

“I don’t fucking know. Help me!” Levi responded. I heard them walk over here and peeked my eyes open. I saw the boots of Erwin and Levi about twenty feet away.

“He’s having a panic attack, Levi.” Erwin sighed. He crouched down to me, speaking low and calm.

“Eren, you are not dying. I know it feel that way, but you are not dying. Levi and I are going to stand on the far edge of the room. You focus on breathing.” Erwin said gently.

I clawed at my ears. Bullshit. I was hearing bullshit. They were going to stand over there and I was going to stay here and die.

“Erwin, his ears. He’s hurting himself!” Levi’s boots moved forward but Erwin stood up and grabbed him.

“If you touch him, imagine what he will do. His ears will heal, but your bond may not.” They walked over to the door. I tried to hear their whispers through the sound of my blood pumping in my ears.

“You pushed him, didn’t you?” Erwin said.

“I have to know who hurt him. It’s my fucking job to protect him.” Levi sounded angry.

“You don’t have to push him into a panic attack in order to accomplish that, Levi.”

“I’m fucking sorry, okay? Help him!”

“There’s nothing we can do except leave him alone, but we can’t do that because he’s a titan. If he shifted now, the building would be destroyed and I don’t know how many people would be hurt.”

“We can only wait?”

“Basically, yes. We can wait and not push him anymore.”

“I found another bandage in his clothes. Same as the one he was wearing when he got out of the shower.”

“Really?”

“Yes. It was folded up and hidden inside of a shirt. Had I not taken out all of his clothes and shaken them, I wouldn’t have found it.”

I screamed. They both jumped. I was outted. I was done. I couldn’t handle this right now.

“We can’t talk about this right now; He can hear us.” Erwin said.

Levi must have agreed because the two were silent.

“I need to leave, Levi. The less people in here, the quicker he will calm down.” Erwin said after a while.

“I feel so helpless.” Levi said in a hoarse whisper.

“It’s a strange feeling for humanity’s strongest, I know, but imagine how he feels right now.” Erwin said before his boots walked out of the room.

Levi stood watching me shake for a few minutes. He walked over to his bed and sat on it, then continued to watch me shake. After about twenty minutes, I started to calm down.

“Can I put you on the bed?” Levi asked once he had noticed that my shaking was starting to subside.

I squeaked.

“Is that a yes?”

I squeaked again. I couldn’t talk yet.  I did want to be on the bed, though. The floor was hard and cold. He stood up.

“I’m going to pick you up and put you on your bed. If you don’t want me to, make a noise. “

He paused. I stayed silent. He walked around me to my bed and pulled the covers down. He crouched down beside me.

“I’m going to touch you now.” He said gently. I felt his hands on my back. He slid them up and down for a moment, and I knew he could feel my binder underneath my shirt. I pushed the panic down, knowing I was outted to Levi, anyway.

“I’m going to pick you up now.” He scooped me up and quickly tucked me into the bed. I relaxed against the soft fabric and dug my face into the pillow. I was breathing normally now, and I uncurled. The shaking was still there, but only just a little. He tucked the blankets in around me and then sat at the foot of my bed.

“Fuck. Eren. I’m so fucking sorry.” I looked down at Levi and saw him holding his head in his hands. “I’m so bad at this, Eren. I’ve never felt like this before. I just want you to be happy and healthy.”

“Levi,” I said gently. He looked at me.

“Are you okay?” He asked.

“Not exactly,” I whispered, looking away.

“How can I help?” Levi asked.

I took a deep breath. I ran through his conversation with Erwin. So, he had seen my binder that day in Erwin’s shower. He had found the binder that Armin and Mikasa hid in my clothes when he had shaken them out and put them in the dresser. He had felt my binder when he was stroking my back. I had no choice. I had to tell him. I sat up.

“You can’t tell anyone what I’m about to tell you.” I said, trying to make my voice strong. “Not even Erwin.”

“Not even Erwin?”

“Especially not Erwin.” I tried to use what he had said earlier to help him understand the severity of the situation, “As my protector, you have to protect me by not telling anyone.”

“That depends on what it is, Eren.”

“No. You can’t do that. You have to promise me you won’t tell.”

“That depends on what it is, Eren. There are some things I would have to go to Erwin with.”

“Those are?”

“If you told me you knew how titans came to be. If you threatened to murder us all. If you told me you had information on titans that could save us all. Those kinds of things.” He said, turning his body toward me and pulling his boots off to put his legs on the bed.

“It’s not anything like that. It’s personal.” I bit my lip.

“I would keep that promise, then.” Levi said in an even lower voice, “Eren, if you tell me who hurt you, I wouldn’t tell Erwin unless you told me th-“.

“I’m not being hurt, Levi!” I interrupted.

“What is it, then? Why is your chest bandaged?”

“I am,” I took a deep breath and closed my eyes, “a transman.”

It was silent for a long time. I figured I would have to explain, but then he broke the silence.

“You have a vagina?” He asked. I nodded, not trusting my voice.

“That’s okay.” He said without hesitation.

I opened my eyes and I don’t know why, but I wasn’t in control of my actions in that moment. I lunged toward him. I didn’t know what I planning on doing, but it didn’t matter because he easily pinned me down. I twisted and screamed, calling him every insult I could think of while crying.

“What the fuck do you mean it’s okay, you son of a bitch? Do you know how much pain I go through because I was born with a fucking girl body?”

“Eren!” he called out, squeezing my wrists harder down on the bed. “Eren! It’s okay!”

“My body hurts all the time because I have to bind down my stupid fucking tits!” I screamed, crying. He let go of my wrists and I started swinging at him. I landed a few punches on him, which didn’t seem to phase him before I realized he was sliding his arms underneath me.

I froze. I was in his arms. His face was tucked into my shoulder. His legs were on either side of mine. He was holding me. I cried.

He held me closer, then rolled us over. I was on top of him now. He held me to his chest. I cried harder.

“Let it out, Eren.” I cried until my body was exhausted and I fell asleep to the feeling of him stroking my hair.


	4. Care

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ugh. I didn't like this chapter a lot. I wanted to show Levi loving Eren though, and drag out some more angst before they officially get together.  
> THIS FIC IS A WEEK OLD! HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO THIS FIC! yea!

Levi POV

I had no fucking clue what I was doing. I had never been in love with a transgender person before. Ever since his panic attack, I was worried about pushing him again. I didn’t want to ever hurt him again. That in and of itself was scary enough, but I also wasn’t too eager to ask Eren for help. I felt like to be a good enough partner, I should just know. I should know how to take care of him.

I remembered Erwin’s words about making better and better decisions with him, and I hoped that was true. The more time I spent with him, the more the chance of me hurting him went up. I was his senior officer, and his protector, and so I had a lot of power over him. I didn’t want to misuse that power, even unintentionally. I watched my every move, studying his reactions carefully. My first decision came when he had woken up in the middle of the night after falling asleep on me.

_Something was moving on top of me, stirring me from my dreams of Eren… I opened my eyes, and it turned out to be Eren. He was struggling to get out of my arms. When I realized this, I immediately let him go._

_“Levi, I need help.” He rasped out._

_“Anything, Eren, name it.”_

_“My chest,” he gasped, “I fell asleep in my binder. Help me sit up.” He was laying with his back against my stomach now, his body shaking and his head just below my chin. I sat up slowly, taking him with me._

_He trembled._

_“I can’t move my arm,” he sniffed. He was gasping and crying and shaking and I needed to figure out how to help him now._

_“How do I help?” I was begging at this point; I loved him._

_“I hate to ask you, but-“_

_“Eren, I’ll do it. Whatever it is, I’ll do it.”_

_“Take my binder off. I – I can’t do it myself, I can’t move my left arm and I feel like my ribs are cracking.”_

_“How?”_

_“Take my shirt off, then pull the binder over my head.” He was gasping._

_I slowly slid out from under him, propping him up on his pillows and balling his blankets under his head to keep him in a kind of make shift position._

_I tugged up his shirt, not pausing when I reached his binder. I helped him slip his right arm through the sleeve then pulled it over his head so it was gathered around his limp left arm. I slide it down the arm and tossed it behind me. The binder was the tricky part. I slid my fingers under the bottom of the compression fabric, wincing as I heard him whimper._

_“I’m so sorry, Eren.”_

_“Just hurry.” I tugged the fabric over his chest, revealing another layer of black fabric. He was shaking even harder now. I tried to prevent the fabric from rolling in on itself, but in my hurry, it did exactly that._

_“Sor-“_

_“Get it off me now, Levi!” He gasped._

_I held his limp arm above his head, and he raised his other arm. I pulled the fabric as hard as I could, and it came flying off._

_His chest bounced out and he gasped for breath. I placed his arm back down, and he clutched his left shoulder with his right arm._

_I sat on the bed beside him, his binder thrown behind me like his shirt. After a few minutes of my worried watching, his breathing settled and I asked what I had been dying to know._

_“Are you okay?”_

_“I should be fi-“ he cut off in a coughing fit._

_“What’s happening, Eren?” My voice sounded tight, even to me. I was helpless and I hated it. “Do you need Erwin? Hanje? Hanje has some medic-“_

_“No!” He cried out._

_“Okay. Okay. Just-“ I leaned forward and clutched his limp, clammy hand. His other hand was hold the end of the blanket over his chest. “You have to help me, Eren. I don’t know what to do. I don’t know how to help you.”_

_“I just- Falling asleep in a binder is dangerous, okay? I pinched a nerve in my left arm, so it’s not working right now. Fluid is filling up my lungs, which is gonna take a while to cough out. My ribs ache like fuck because they weren’t designed to take pressure like that for that long of a time. My chest feels like a bruised apple. I can feel my fucking stupid tits pounding in pain like you had slammed me into a wall chest first a couple hundred times. Fuck, Levi, there’s nothing you can do.” I swallowed hard when I heard all this. I looked away._

_“Look, Levi, all we can do is wait. You can, ummm, help by, ummmm – Oh! Get me my shirt!” I was off the bed and feeling around the dark floor before he could say anything else. I could manage this. I found the still warm fabric and brought it over to him._

_“Do you need help putting it on?” I asked. He nodded._

_As I helped him put on his shirt, I stole a few looks at his chest. His breasts look to be about an A cup, certainly not very big at all. That was with that black fabric thing on him though. I was suddenly worried that that was another binder. I paused pulling the shirt down his body._

_“Is this another binder?”_

_“Yeah.” He said weakly._

_“Does it need to come off, too?”_

_“No!” He cried out._

_“Eren, I won’t do anything without your permission, I just want you to be safe.” I pulled his shirt down his toned stomach, which I noticed had a slight feminine curve to it. I wondered how he felt about that._

_“Levi, will you,” he paused, biting his lip._

_“Yes, Eren. I will. Whatever it is, if it’s in my power, I’ll do it.”_

_“Just, um, holding me might make me feel better?” It came out like a question._

_“Can I change my clothes, first?” I had fallen asleep with him in the white jeans and white shirt I usually worse. I had removed the belts early last night, but even my cravat was still on._

_“Yeah.” He said._

_“Will it make you uncomfortable if I change in here?”_

_“No.” He squeaked._

_“Are you sure?”_

_“Yeah. It’s dark; I can’t see anything.” It was quite dusky in the room. The curtains were pulled back, and so long as I avoided that strip of moonlight cutting the room in half on the floor, I should be unseen._

_“I don’t care if you look, Eren.” I said gently. I didn’t care if he saw me naked; I wasn’t really the type to be shy about my body when in front of someone who I felt attracted to._

_“I – I won’t. I don’t want to.” I was a little hurt. He didn’t even want a peek? I wondered if he was even gay. Maybe he didn’t like to see other men like that._

_“Alright.” I crossed over to the dresser and pulled out my pajama bottoms. I walked to the darkest corner of the room and stripped silently. I slipped on my pajama pants, and carried my clothes to the dresser. I didn’t bother to put a shirt on. I glanced over at Eren and saw he had put his hands over his eyes. What a fucking cutie._

_“Eren, I’m dressed now.” I stood at the dresser, folding my clothes. I occasionally glanced over to him, seeing him watch me in the dusky room. I couldn’t see his eyes, but I wondered where they were on me. Was he looking at my chest? My face? My ass? I didn’t know. I finished folding my clothes on the dresser. I sat my cravat out to the side. I would wash them in the morning._

_“Is it okay if I spread this blanket out?” I tugged on the blanket that I had propped him up with, which was still pretty much there, minus the corner he had used to cover up his chest._

_“Y-Yeah.” He said, and I pulled the blanket out and spread it over him. I crawled under the covers and reached out to him, pulling him to my chest. He nuzzled into my neck, and I felt him splay his fingers on my chest. I loved this skin to skin contact. I wondered how he felt about it, but there were more important things to talk about._

_“Are you okay now?”_

_“My arm is starting to feel better. It’s prickly, but no longer numb. My chest aches less, too.”_

_“Good.” I inhaled his scent from the top of his head and hummed in appreciation._

_“May I ask why you’re not taking off the second binder? Isn’t that one dangerous, too?”_

_He shook his head._

_“This binder is different. The other one was really tight, this one is gentle compression. It doesn’t hurt me. I can wear it at all times, no problem. The other one can only be worn, say, eight hours a day before it gets dangerous. It’s the kind the girls wear for training.” Oh. It’s an active bra. I had never seen one up close before._

_“It’s an active bra?”_

_“I don’t like the word ‘bra’.” He nuzzled deep into my chest. “It’s too feminine.”_

_“Sorry.” Stupid, Levi, stupid! Of course he wouldn’t like the word bra._

_“It’s okay. You didn’t know.”_

_“What are some other things I should avoid?” He stiffened. I regretted saying it, even though I felt I needed to know. “I just don’t want to hurt you, Eren.”_

_“Um, looking at my chest, touching my chest… things like that.”_

_“I’m sorry for tonight. If me touching you-“ I started._

_“It was a medical emergency, Levi. I couldn’t do it myself. Anytime I tell you to touch my chest, it can only be a medically necessary thing.” He stated. I pulled him closer, shifting my legs under him so that he settled between them._

_“Hmmm… just calling me a girl or implying that I’m a girl,” he started again, “Also, saying that I’m associated with girly things.”_

_His voice turned sour when he said the next one, “Saying I’m confused or that I don’t know what I’m doing.”_

_“I won’t ever do those things then, Eren.” I hoped he hadn’t been around many people who did those things._

_“Also, saying things that imply that gender equals sex. I’m a man with a vagina. There are others who may be women with penises. There are non-binary people of all kinds, too.” He said._

_I nodded, taking the opportunity to pull him closer and dip my head closer to his._

_“Hanje told me about this before. They’re non-binary, and explained it to me when they told me.”_

_“That’s how I didn’t need to explain what transgender meant?” He asked._

_I hummed, moving my face closer to his in the darkness. I wanted to kiss him._

_“I like Hanje!” He said, his voice perking up suddenly._

_I laughed a bit, shaking him._

_“Levi.” He said shocked._

_“What is it, Eren?”_

_“That’s the first time I have ever heard you laugh, Levi.” He sounded like a kid just given a lollipop. “It’s beautiful.” Fuck. This fucking brat._

_“I don’t laugh a lot, brat.”_

_“So we’re back to brat now, huh?” I could tell in the darkness that his face, and lips, were tilted up toward me._

_“Eren,” I said gruffly, suddenly aware of how hot his hands were on my bare skin._

_“Levi,” he teased, apparently not getting the change in my mood. He laughed a bit, send rumbles though me._

_“Can I kiss you, Eren?” I asked him gently. He froze. His laughter stopped._

_“Y-yes.” That was all I needed. I closed the distance in the dark, finding his soft lips. Just a peck, just a little token of my affection… I hoped he could feel I was promising him so much more._

I looked down into my cup of tea. I swirled it around a bit, before gulping the rest of it down. I had been thinking for so long that I my tea had cooled. It had been about a week since our kiss. We hadn’t shared a bed since. It was so awkward in our room now.

 I wondered what Eren was talking about right now. I had given Mikasa and Armin permission to visit him in our room. I knew that they knew, (why else would they put his binder in his clothes so sneakily?), and I figured they were discussing me right now. I was sitting in Hanje’s room with the door open. I would occasionally hear laughs coming from the other side of the hall. Hanje was sitting next to me, staring at me. We had been like this in silence for ten minutes.

“Can I fucking help you?” I said, not looking over to them.

“You kissed him.”

“Yes I did.” How does they always know?

“Do you love him?”

“Fuck off.”

“That means you love him.” They sat back, looking triumphant.

“Fuck. Off.”

“Love that boy.”

“Hanje.” I growled.

They just laughed.

I was so fucked.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Remember kids, binding is dangerous. As a ftm, I can vouch 100% yo will get hurt if you leave it on to sleep. I pinched a nerve in my left arm so bad once I thought i would have permant damage. Took forever to get feeling back.


	5. Love

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I wrote this at 3 am and I am not ashamed for writing ereri porn in the dead of night sitting by myself in my room   
> well my dog was there so   
> anyway I tried to make this realistic, so there is a lot of fumbling, asking for consent, and awkwardness. Enjoy the shameless ereri

Eren POV

“Thank you, Levi!” I said to him. I was so happy for any and all time I got with Mikasa and Armin. They were my support, my friends, and my family.

“Just make sure they don’t dirty the place up.” He walked up me, stopping just before our chest touched. “You can do that for me, can’t you, Eren?”

“Y-yes.” I stuttered out. His gray eyes were locked onto mine. He seemed to be expecting something. A kiss, maybe? He was so close. I could kiss him right now. Should I? We hadn’t kissed since the first time when he took care of me. There had been plenty of opportunities like this since then, but neither one of us took them. I wonder why he wasn’t making any moves on me. Was he waiting for me to kiss him? Did he even want me to? If he wanted me to, he would give me some kind of sign.

_Fuck it, I’m going to kiss him._

“Levi?” I whispered, tucking my head down closer to his.

“Eren?” He leaned up to me. Our lips were inches apart. I watched his eyes flutter closed and his arms start to reach up to me.

“Can I-“ I started to ask for consent, but was cut off by knocking on the door. Levi growled.

He whipped his head toward the door and stalked over to it, yanking it open.

“Where’s Eren?” Mikasa asked.

“He’s in here. Can we have a minute?” Levi asked.

“Sure.” Armin piped up. I couldn’t see either of them. Levi slammed the door.

He walked back over to me. “What were you going to ask, Eren?” He moved closer to me, his eyes softening. I blushed.

“N-nothing, Levi.”

“You were going to ask me something, Eren.”

“I’m sorry, Levi.” My voice was thick. I was too scared to ask now. He moved as close as he had been before. He reached up and stroked my cheek. I swallowed hard.

“Ask, Eren. It’s okay.” I shook my head.

“I-I-I-“ I stuttered. He sighed and stepped back. He walked away and opened the door. Mikasa and Armin were leaning against the wall outside.

“Don’t dirty the place up.” He said gruffly as he walked past them. They let out a “Yes, sir” and then shuffled in. Mikasa hugged me first, then Armin.

“Are you okay?” Armin asked. We sat on my bed, me in the middle, Armin on the left, and Mikasa on the right.

“I don’t know.” I said honestly.

“What’s happening?” Mikasa asked.

“Levi knows.” I said. They gasped.

“How?” Armin asked.

“First, he saw my binder when I got out of the shower-“

“What!” Mikasa gasped.

“I showered in Erwin’s room under Levi’s supervision.” I explained. “He wasn’t in the room or anything, he was waiting outside. He saw a peek of my binder.”

“Then, I found my other binder when he shook out my clothes before putting them up.”

“I’m so sorry! I knew I should have held it! I didn’t know when I would see you again.” Armin gushed.

“I’m fine. He was gonna find out soon enough anyway. We live in such close quarters. I went into a panic attack and he helped me. He saw my binder and even helped me take it off.”

“He stripped you?” Mikasa asked, not sounding happy.

“He had to… I feel asleep in my binder after the panic attack.”

“Eren!” They both said.

“I know!” I said as they both started to rattle about how dangerous that was. They hushed.

“He was so sweet with me. He was so gentle. He kissed me.” I said, blushing.

“Really?” Armin asked. Mikasa just hummed.

“Yes.” I whispered.

“Was it consensual?” Mikasa asked. I nodded.

“Then I’m happy for you.” Mikasa said simply. She hugged me.

“Do you love him?” Armin asked.

“Fuck off.” I said, blushing.

“That’s Eren for ‘Yes’.” Mikasa translated.

We laughed.

“It is! I do love him! I’m so fucked!” I laughed harder and harder.

We had a good visit. It lasted about two hours. We were just discussing Mikasa’s crush on Sasha when Levi came back in with Hanje.

“Hey, brats. Get out.”

“Yes, sir!” Mikasa and Armin hugged me bye then shuffled away.

“How you feeling, Eren?” Hanje asked. They moved toward me. “Anything new in titanland?”

“Ummm..” I didn’t know how to respond to that.

“Oh, no you don’t. Get out, too, you shit.” Levi pushed Hanje out of the door. They waved back at me while Levi once again slammed the door.

He looked around the room.

“It’s still clean, Levi.  We just sat on my bed and talked.” I murmured while looking down.

“You kept it clean like I asked. I’m very happy, Eren.” He turned to me with a purr. Oh boy. What was this? I swallowed hard, glued in place. His gray eyes darkened and his eyelids lowered a bit. He stalked toward me like a hunter coming toward their prey.

“I think you need a reward.” Levi said, he raised his hands to my face and stroked me tenderly. “Would you like that, Eren?” He was teasing me.

“Y-yes, Levi.” My hands started shaking a bit.

“What reward should you get?” He moved his hands to my hair and tugged my face closer to his.

“I don’t know, Le-Levi.” I reached my hands up to put them on his waist, but I hesitated before I got there.

“You can touch,” he purred to me. I placed my shaking hands on his firm waist and gulped.

“I think you should get a kiss, hmmm?” He was teasing me.

“That would be a wonderful reward, Levi!” I was getting excited. I saw his pink tongue dart out and lick his lips. My own lips trembled. He tugged my head down further and rose up on the balls of his feet to press our lips together. I squeaked just a bit when his warm mouth touched mine. I kissed him gently, not expecting him to deepen the kiss.

He parted his lips and licked at mine teasingly. I didn’t really know what to do. I had only kissed Levi before, but never this deep. I guessed I was to do what he did and I opened my lips with the intention of licking his. He slipped his tongue in my mouth before I had a chance to, though. My eyes flew open and I made a noise of surprise. I wrapped my arms around his small frame and pulled him closer to me.

His tongue played with mine and my eyes fluttered back close in pleasure. I liked this. He pulled back, his eyelids heavy and his mouth still parted. We panted a bit before I asked.

“Why did you stop?”

“Because I hate having to stand up on my toes like that.” Oh. Of course!

“I’m sorry! I didn’t thi-“

“Shut up and get on my bed, Eren.” He turned, grabbing my hand and tugging me over to his bed. My heart pounded. I had thought about this so much! Now it was actually happening! I was going to be in Levi’s bed. I didn’t know how far we were going to go, but I was excited.

He paused at the edge of the bed. “Take your shoes off.” He said. He pulled his own boots off and we placed our boots next to each other of to the side. I was suddenly very glad that we didn’t wear the belts unless we were on the field. That would be a mess to strip off when my hands were still shaking a bit.

I stared at the bed, shifting on my feet. He sighed.

“Sit down, Eren.” 

I did, sitting tensely on the edge of the bed. He sat down beside me and pulled my face back to his. He kissed me gently. I kissed him back hesitantly. I didn’t know what I was doing.

“Relax.” Levi pushed at my shoulders. “Lay down and let me lead.” 

I gulped. My heartbeat was in my throat.

“Is that okay?” He asked gently. I nodded. I scooted away from him and he moved to the side. I swung my legs up on the bed and laid down on the pillow. I closed my eyes. I felt him crawl up my body and his breath tickled my face.

“Eren” he whispered. My eyes fluttered open. He was so close. I reached up and ran my hands over his shoulders. The muscles felt firm and warm under his shirt. He leaned down and kissed me, dragging his cravat over my chest. I smiled into his lips.

“Stop smiling, brat, I’m trying to kiss you.”

My smiles made our kisses messy but I was so happy that I couldn’t help it. I ran my hands through his hair while we kissed, enjoying the contrast of the prickly undercut to the silky long stands on top. 

He settled his legs on either side of mine and rested on his forearms, laying his body down on me. I enjoyed the weight on top of me in way that I wasn’t expecting. It made me feel safe, loved almost. I ran my hands all over him while we kissed. My body was tingling all over, and my hands had a will of their own. It was when I had gotten very close to grabbing his ass that he sat up.

“I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to-“

“Eren, hush,” he said gently. He got off the bed and walked over to the dresser. I propped myself up and watched him. That when I realized what he was doing. He tugged his cravat off and laid it down on top of the dresser.

“I can’t have that getting dirty. They are hard to find around here. They’re uncommon, you see…” He turned back to me, unbuttoning his shirt. I blushed and looked down. I had seen him shirtless before. I had touched him shirtless before. Hell, I had even slept on him while shirtless. It was different this time, though. It was… sexual. I was nervous all of a sudden.

He crawl back on top of me, his shirt fully unbuttoned and hanging loose. He kissed me a few time and I squirmed a bit.

“Shirts are common though; I can get this anywhere.” He sat up and slid it off his shoulders before he tossed it behind him. I stared at his body and felt heat curl in between my legs. He leaned back down, not laying on me this time, but leaving space for me to explore the front of his shirtless body this time. I ran my hands up and down his abs while he nipped at my ear.

He slid his nose up my neck and kissed back down it. I was definitely getting wet now. I squirmed a bit, running my nails down his abs and back. He growled into the base of my throat. He liked that? I ran my nails down him harder this time. He left my throat and looked intensely into my eyes.

“Stop that if you don’t want me horny.” He warned. I paused, thinking. Was he not horny now? I was getting wetter and wetter by the second. I was a very sensitive virgin, though. With his good look, he probably had loads of experience. Did I want him horny? If I scratched him, he would take it as an invitation to step it up. I wondered if he would take my clothes off… or would he take off his pants? I wanted to find out.

He had been waiting patiently for me to think things over. We had been making intense eye contact the whole time. He felt me return my hands to the base of his neck and his eye widened. I dug my nails in and ran them down in a long, hard streak all the way to the band of his pants. He closed his eyes and shivered. He really did like that. I returned to his neck, ready to do it again. He dropped his head to chest and said my name before I started though.

“What is it, Levi?”

“Do you even know what you’re doing?” He asked, his gray eyes sharp on mine.

“Not really. I’m very inexperienced. I’m bad at this. The whole kissing thing, I mean. I’m trying, though. You like being scratched, so I’m scratching you. I-I just want to make you feel good, Levi.” I looked away. I was an embarrassed, innocent little stupid kid. I didn’t deserve him.

“Eren,” He kissed my cheek. “That’s not what I meant. You’re kissing skills are fine. I meant to ask if you knew what you were doing when you showed me you wanted me to get horny. You’re not ready for sex.” It wasn’t a question. He could feel my nervousness. “You’re horny, but you’re not ready. I can feel that.”

“Yeah…” I whispered.

“How far is it you want me to go?” Levi asked bluntly. I blushed and bit my lip.

“I don’t know!” God this was so awkward! Our whole relationship was awkward! Did all romances start out like this?

“Can I take your shirt off?” He asked.

“Yes.” I whispered. He sat up. He motioned for me to do the same. He made quick work of taking my shirt off. I laid back down and noticed he stayed sitting up, staring at me. I flushed.

“Your blush goes all the way down your chest… he whispered. He trailed his fingers from my cheeks down my neck and to the edge of my binder. I was scared he was going to touch my chest but he stopped once he reached the binder.

“It looks a lot different in the light.” He commented about my binder. I nodded.

“Is it hurting you?” He asked. I looked away.

“It always hurts, Levi.”

He paused.

“Will you take it off, then?”

It was my turn now to pause. He had already taken my binder off once, but this was different. This wasn’t a medical emergency. It was sexual. I remember telling him that if I ever told him to take my binder off that it would have to be medically necessary. I wasn’t so sure now, though. I wanted to be naked with him. I knew that meant I would have to take my binder off sometime. I trusted him.

“I just-“ I bit my lip. “I don’t want you thinking of me as a girl because my chest isn’t masculine.”

He started shaking his head before I had even finished the sentence.

“Eren, you identify as male. You are male. The parts you have don’t make a damn.” He leaned down and gave me a kiss. “You’re masculine, therefore your chest is, too.”

I couldn’t help it. I started crying. It was the first time I had ever had anyone say anything at all like that. He kissed my tears and I wrapped my arms around him.

I cried into his neck while he whispered in my ear.

“Let it out, Eren. You are safe here.”

“No! I hate crying. I want you to touch me and kiss me and fuck me. It’s my boxers not my cheeks that are supposed to be wet, for fuck’s sakes!” He kissed me gently.

“Stop or keep going, your choice.” He said.

“Take my binder off.” I sat up, wiping my cheeks and nose with my shirt before throwing it behind Levi with his own shirt.

“It’s okay to have emotions, Eren. That’s what I like about you. It takes a very strong person to show their weakness.” He said while he took off my binder. I laid back down quickly and he got off the bed to place my binder next to his cravat. He looked me over when he walked back. I was in only my white pants and black active binder now. I wasn’t supposed to wear it and a binder at the same time, but I did anyway. It hurt worse, but it made me feel safer.

“Do you really mean that? You think I’m strong?” I asked as he ran his fingertips up and down while body while he stood there.

“Yes, Eren. I won’t ever lie to you.” His voice was thick.

“That’s a major compliment coming from humanity’s strongest.”

“I don’t feel so strong around you, Eren.” He crawled back on top of me.

“What does that mean?” I asked as he started to pepper kisses around my shoulders.

“You makes me feel strange things, Eren. You’re new to me. I don’t have experience to fall back on.” He murmured into the base of my throat. He licked up my neck and found a place he liked. He sucked hard on the skin there and my head when fuzzy. I felt desire curl in my stomach and I was sure my boxers dampen again.

“Oh my god, Levi.”

“You like that?” He chuckled. “Good, because I want everyone to know you are mine.” So he was giving me hickeys. He did it again and a strange whining noise came out of my throat. His hands ran up and down my sides and danced over my stomach. I arched my back and moaned softly when he started biting. He bit my shoulder and my neck and kisses the bite marks he left there. I whimpered as a shiver worked its way up my spine. He slipped his fingertips into the band of my pants, feeling my hip bone. My head was swimmy and I was horny. I reached down and unbuttoned my pants, which I was sure was the next step.

“Can I take off your pants?” He breathed into my neck.

“Only if you take off yours, too.” My voice was lower than I had ever heard before, and I knew it must be the haze of lust that made it so.

“You’re going to be the death of me, beautiful boy,” He sat up, undoing the button of his pants and pushing them down as far as he could. He wore briefs, not boxers, and they were dark blue. He sat back on the foot of the bed and tugged them the rest of the way off, letting them flop to the floor. I stared at his impressive bulge as he grabbed the end of my pants and yanked. They came off very easily and I blushed.

He slid his hands up my legs as he crawled back up my body. I squeaked when he got to my quivering thighs. I wondered if he could see the wetness in my boxers or if I hadn’t soaked through the fabric yet. He kissed my stomach while his hands massaged my thighs.

“God!” I moaned. I tangled my hands in his hair. He lapped at one hipbone then the other. I whined again and then squirmed. He grabbed one of my hands in his hair and kissed every fingertip, then my palm while looking at my wide eyes. It was so simple but so erotic. I rubbed my thighs together with a whimper and noticed his eyes darken when he glanced at them.

He looked back at me and kissed up my forearm, moving his knees up to rest just before my hips as he came. He fully extended my arm when he got to the elbow. He licked across the inside of my elbow before pulling back and blowing on it. I jerked my arm back as chills ran through my body. How did he know to do that?

He gently pulled my arm back and continued from the elbow up. He bit my shoulder and nipped at my neck. His free hand massaged my shaking thigh. I rubbed them together uncontrollably when he wasn’t hold them. His gentle work on them made me shake harder and harder. I twisted my free hand into the sheets. He removed his hand from my arm and hovered it over my chest.

“Can I touch?” He asked.

“Please don’t.” I said.

He nodded and moved his free hand to my side.

“I-I need to get more use to you touching me. I will let you touch eventually.” I promised to him.

“You don’t have to ever let me touch, Eren, if it makes you feel uncomfortable.” I gulped.

“I want you to touch, just not today.” I paused. “I- I want to touch, too.”

He raised his eyebrow.

“What would you like to touch?”

I brought my hands over my face. I was so embarrassed.

“I-I want to touch you,” I was a mess right now. “I want to touch all of you.”

“I’m completely fine with that, Eren. Touch whatever you want to.” He gently pulled my hands away from my face. He placed them on his chest. I gulped. I stared at the bulge in his pants. All had to do was run them down, down, down… My hands started shaking.

“It’s okay, Eren. You can touch my dick if you want to.”

“I want to, but I’m scared I’ll do it wrong.” My voice was shaky and there were butterflies in my stomach.

“I’ll teach you?” He offered. I nodded, lost for words. Levi was offering teach me how to pleasure him with my hands. I was dreaming. This was one of my fantasies. He took my hand and gently pressed it to his bulge. I felt the warmth and firmness through the fabric. I was breathing heavy, pressing my thighs together. He rubbed my hand over his erection. I pressed harder, moving farther down and up. I palmed him and groaned. I felt him start to push back against my hand and I pulled it away. He was getting hard now, his erection pushing toward my hair.

“Wow,” I whispered. I had always wanted a penis of my own, but that was about my desire to be a cis male, not a sexual desire. Now, I had sexual desire for a penis _inside_ of me.  

“What does it feel like?” I asked him.

“Your hands on me? Or?” He rocked gently into my hand. I blushed hard.

”What’s having a penis like?” I asked. His eyes softened. He moved his hands from my thigh and hand and stroked my face.

“When I’m with you, it’s the best thing in the world.”  I didn’t know whether to laugh or blush. I looked away. His hand was no longer over mine on his erection. I had control now. I ran my hands down to where I knew his balls would be and massaged. He gasped.

“Eren!”

I peeked back up at him through my lashes. He was trembling slightly. I outlined his penis though the fabric with my fingertips. I ran my hands up the line of hair disappearing under the band of his underwear. I stroked it gently a few times, knowing what I wanted to do but a little scared to do it. I bit my lip. I slipped my fingers under the band of his underwear. I fluttered my eyes at him.

“You can take them off.” He whispered to me. I tugged his underwear down swiftly before I lost my nerve. I looked at his penis, blushing. He was finally in front of me, hard and big. He stroked my face. I wrapped my hand around him and stroked. He inhaled swiftly.

“Will you teach me?”

He groaned.

“The death of me,” he mumbled. He crawled up me and reached over my head to the nightstand. He pulled something out of it and returned to straddling me. It was a small, silver tube and he uncapped it quickly.

“Give me your hand.”

“What is it?”

“Lube. You want to learn to give a handjob, right?”

I held my hand out to him and felt him squirt the cold, slick stuff in my hand.

“Now, rub it between your hands to warm it up.”

I did as he told me. He watched me with hooded eyes.

“Now wrap your hand around me, and move up and down.”

I gulped. I did as he said. He was so firm and warm in my hand. I watched as he trembled and thrust into my fist.

“Tighten your hand,” he growled. I squeezed him harder, moving my hand faster and faster. Just touching him made me get wetter and wetter. I watched the pink tip of his penis suddenly leak out some precum and I ran my thumb over the top of it.

“Eren!” He cried. I removed my hands.

“I hurt you!”

“No, babe, you didn’t. I was surprised is all.” He tugged my hand back to his dick, wrapping it around him and placing his hands on top of mine. He squeezed my hand to the right pressure and he thrust wildly into our hands. I watched his head fall back as he moaned. His abs rippled as he thrust forward and I wondered how rough those powerful muscles could get. I wanted him to flip me over and take me from behind. He groaned long and low, then he tensed. He made a deep growling noise that worked up to a whine as he threw his head back and came hard all over my chest and stomach. He let go of my hand and I saw his penis fall limp. It was still beautiful to me and I wondered how long it would take to get hard again.

He panted as he laid down beside me. I felt the cum soak into my binder. I scooped up some of the cum and looked at on my fingers.

_Levi’s cum_ ….

I wanted it. I popped my fingers into my mouth and heard him gasp. I looked over him and saw his dark eyes wide while staring pointedly at my mouth. I swirled my tongue around my fingers and hummed at the salty warm taste of Levi.

“You taste good.” I said.

He groaned. He rolled on top of me. “You’re going to be the death of me.”

I pressed my wet thighs together. He slid one hand over my thigh. I squeaked.

“Can I return the favor?”

“Oh god!” I cried out. He kissed me. He tugged at my underwear.

“Please? I want to make you cum.” He rasped in my ear.

“Yes!” I pressed my hips up to him. He spread his fingers against my lower stomach and pushed my back to the bed. I whined.

He reached down and rubbed me through the fabric. I gasped at the sudden stimulation.

“You’re already so wet.” He growled. He tugged down my boxers and pulled one of my legs out of them. I was suddenly nervous. I wished I had a penis!

He slid his hands up my thighs and parted them gently. I settled my legs on either side of his waist.

“You’re such a beautiful boy, Eren. I’m so lucky for this.”

He gently stroked my folds before parting them.

“Oh my god!” He found my clit easily and massaged it. His nose ran over my neck and his lips left kisses all over my neck and face. He tickled at my wet entrance. I felt his fingertips teasingly slip into me and then circle. I squirmed and dug my nails into his shoulders.

“Levi! Please!” I was shaking. He stretched one long finger into me and used his thumb to circle my clit. I moaned and pushed my hips up against him.

“More?” He asked, nipping my ear.

“More!” I was shameless at this point. He added another finger and stretched them inside of me. I arched my back up, pressing my cum covered chest into his. I could hear how wet I was getting. I didn’t care about the squishy noises I was making, though, my whimpers and gasps were covering it up. This was the first time anyone had ever been inside me beside my own fingers. He sucked on my neck before he twisted his hand around and curled his fingers up. I wondered what he was doing. Then he found my g-spot and everything made sense.

“Fuck! Fuck! Fuck!” I cried, rocking my hips into his hand. He put all his weight onto his legs, sitting back a bit. He used his hand that wasn’t driving me to orgasm to press me down to the bed. His fingers splayed over my pelvis and held me down so I couldn’t mess up his position with my bucking. I fisted my hands into the sheets and screamed. He pushed harder and harder at my g-spot.

“Good boy,” he purred as my eyes rolled back in my head, “orgasm for me.” My body was on fire and my heart beat in my vagina. I could feel myself start to grip his fingers. I screamed and panted.

“Almost” he growled. “Let go for me, Eren. Now.” He shoved his fingers up into me while his thumb pressed hard. I felt my heart stutter and spasms go through me. I screamed his name, my mind going blank for a few seconds.

I let go of the sheets, panting and shaking. My throat was dry and my whole body was wet with sticky cum and sweat. He kissed me gently.

“How bout we go shower together in Erwin’s room? I know for a fact he’s not in there all tonight.”

“It’ll be lock-“

“I have the key, silly.” He kissed me again. He reached to the floor and picked up his shirt on the ground. He wiped off his hands and my chest. He turned it to a clean spot and was about to wipe off my wet thighs when I grabbed his hands.

“I’m not going to use this shirt anymore anyway. I knew that much when I threw it on the floor.” He laughed. I let him clean me off, squeaking as he went over the still trembling and sensitive flesh.

“You are such a treat, Eren.” He said as he threw the shirt to the ground once more. “I’m gonna clean you up and take good care of you.”

“Does this mean we’re boyfriends?” I asked hesitantly.

“Would you like it to mean that?”

“Yes.”

“Then yes.” He kissed me deeply before gesturing for me to sit up. I did so.

“I’m sorry about your active bra- I mean binder.” He corrected himself quickly.

“It’s okay. So long as you know I’m not a girl.” I smiled at my boyfriend. “Besides, I don’t regret it.”

“Death of me.” He whispered, pulling me onto his lap and holding me. It was a bit awkward given the size difference, but he was strong, so it worked.

“Shower time?” I whispered.

“To Erwin’s room” He said, pulling away.

Oh boy. I wonder what will happen when he sees my bare chest for the first time.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> im a transman using my own transman experiences and let me tell you cum is hard to get off of compression fabric ugh


	6. Poem

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> HAPPY V DAY GUYS

Eren POV

_What’s he gonna say? What’s he gonna do? Is he gonna see me as a girl now? Oh god!_

My thoughts were all over the place.

_Am I ready for this? Am I ready to show him my chest? Will he try to touch my chest? What if he doesn’t like my chest? What if he likes it too much as insists I leave my binder off?_

We dressed in bare minimum to dash up the corner stairs to Erwin’s room. Levi quickly put the key in the lock and opened the door. He locked the door behind me and we went into his bedroom.

“You sure this is okay?” I asked as he threw his clothes on the bed. He walked into the bathroom.

“Yes, Eren.” He sighed. I stripped down to just my active binder and hesitated before I went inside. The bathroom door was left open for me, and I could hear him fiddling with the water settings.

“Get in here, beautiful boy!” He called to me. I smelled the oaky soap that I had set in Erwin’s bathroom for my use waft into the bedroom and I knew he was already showering. Maybe he just wanted to get clean. Maybe he wasn’t planning on feeling me up and getting frisky in the shower. I hoped not. Took a deep breath and stripped off my binder. My breasts bounced out and I screamed internally. They were a good B cup were unrestrained, which was a lot smaller than they should be. I had lost a cup or two from binding and I was grateful. When I n both binders, I was completely flat. I was the most emotionally comfortable then, despite the physical pain.

I stepped into the bathroom, my arms crossed firmly over my chest.

I saw his dark shadow soaping his hair up through the curtain. I kept my arms over my chest when I stepped in. I closed my eyes when I was fully in. I didn’t want to see him looking at my clutched chest. I felt the warm steam wash over first, then I felt his wet hands reach out and grab my face. His wet body pressed against mine as his kissed me.

“Eren,” his voice was gentle, “you are a man. No body part can change that but your brain, and its already decided.” He brushed his wet lips across mine and I felt goose bumps rise on my wet skin. “Beautiful boy.” He whispered.

I took a deep breath. I brought one shaky arm down. Then the other. I felt the steam on my chest and my nipples hardened. I gulped. I peeked out of one eye and saw him staring at my chest. I quickly closed it and began to shake. I wanted him to look, to accept, but I was scared.

“Eren, you are the most beautiful man I have ever had the privilege of seeing naked.” He leaned in close to hug me.

I cried. He held me for a moment and then reached over and grabbed the soap. He put me under the hot water and then soaped my hair up. He gently massaged my scalp and I fought the urge to cover my chest. He put me back under the water and washed it away. Got out the soap again and worked it between his hands until it bubbled up nicely. He told me to turn around and then worked on my shoulders. I relaxed easily now that my chest was out of sight and he was touching me so gently.

“’I but know that I love thee, whatever thou art.’” He whispered in my ear as he slid his hands down my back and forward to my stomach. I could feel him pressing up against me.

“What’s that?” I asked.

“A line of a poem I thought was relevant.” He said quietly.

“You read poetry?” I asked, shocked. I couldn’t picture humanity’s strongest titan slayer curling up with a book of poems, especially not love poems.

“I’m not just a killing machine, Eren,” he said.

“Love poems, though?” I turned around, and found him very close to being face to face with my chest because of the height difference. I suppressed the urge to panic, though, Levi was being romantic while naked. I was not going to miss this.

“I always enjoyed poetry, Eren. It’s the openness of it, the way one person can see one thing and another can see something else entirely. I like how it’s not just black and white.” He paused. “I used to read poems about war and life and death and brutality, things that I understand well, but now I found myself drawn to love poems.”

“Why’s that?” He was massaging my stomach now, working up and down sweetly. I felt myself outside relax while my insides tensed with desire. It was an odd feeling that I didn’t have much experience with.

His gray eyes darkened. “Because I understand it now.”

“Levi,” my voice was thick with emotion. I didn’t know what else to say. He was so emotionally damaged and socially awkward and this was his emotionally damaged and socially awkward way of saying ‘I love you’.

He ran his hands up and down my sides, the soap mostly gone by now. He was just doing it to feel me.

“’Oh! What was love made for if it is not the same, though joy and through torment, through glory and through shame? I know not, I ask not, if guilts in that heart, I but know that I love thee, whatever thou art.’” He recited, running his hands up my ribcage. I started tearing up.

“’Thy hast called me thy angel in moments of bliss, and thy angel I’ll be, mid the horror of this, through the furnace, unshrinking, thy steps to pursue, and shield thee and save thee- or perish there, too.’” He finished with a whisper.

“Levi,” I whispered. He was my assigned protector, but his choice of poetry told me he was protecting me out of his own love. He memorized this. For me. He read who knows how many love poems and found this one. How many times did he read it over and over, thinking about me, to memorize it? I felt my heart swell with emotions. I had never felt so accepted and loved.

“Is this okay?” He asked. I was suddenly brought back to the shower. His hands were on my chest. I could feel my nipples pushing against his palms.

I bit my lip. “I don’t know?” It came out as a question.

“What do I need to do to make you comfortable?” He asked. I didn’t know the answer to that either.

“Be very gentle.” I whispered.

“Always,” he kissed me. “Unless you want rough.”

I squeaked. Hi hands started to massage very gently. He kissed me the whole time. He broke off from the kiss and moved down my neck. He kissed the hollow of my throat and I knew what came next. He kissed along my collarbone, one then the other, giving me plenty of time to choose whether I should stop him or not. I allowed him to kiss lower, down on my breasts. He massaged one with his hand and kissed the other. He pinched my nipple and rolled in in his fingers. Pleasure shocked through me.

“What the hell?” I said aloud. He froze, he brought his mouth away from my breast.

“Eren?” He asked worriedly. He pulled his hand away from my chest.

“I just never…I-I never thought my chest could feel good.” I said. I looked down at his eyes.

“Eren,” He growled. He latched his mouth onto my nipple, bringing his hands back up onto my breast and I moaned. My head was feeling swimmy and it was getting hard to breathe in this shower. I started panting. This was the first time anyone had shown any sort of affection to my chest. I normally just hated it and hid it. Now that he had access to it, he was making me feel so good.

“Levi, I can’t breathe.” I panted out. He froze.

“What’s wrong?” He asked. He moved away from me. He must have thought it was about my dysphoria.

“I’m too hot, Levi. We can’t do this in the shower.” I said quickly.

“You want to continue on the bed?” He asked, turning the water off.

“You mean the commander’s bed?” I gasped.

“That’s exactly what I mean.” His eyes flashed as he turned back to me.

“I’m game.” I smiled.

“You’re a naughty little thing, aren’t you?” He pulled me out of the shower and stood me on a towel. He dried my body off and half way dried my hair before drying his own body off. He started to dry his own hair, letting me look him up and down. I made a decision quickly and got on my knees before him as quickly as I could. I didn’t want to lose my nerve.

“Eren?” He asked me with wide eye.

“Can I suck your dick?” I rushed it out.

“God damn yes,” He threw the towel down. “Not here though. Get off the dirty tile, Eren. Let’s do this on the soft bed.” He stroked my hair and helped me up.

We walked naked to the commander’s bed and fell onto it in a tangle of limbs. I pushed him back against the bed.

“Teach me?” I asked. Looking at him through my lashes as I bent down and kissed the tip of his erection. He hissed.

“Fuck, Eren.” He grabbed my wet hair. “Just suck. You can’t go wrong.”

I licked up and down his penis, tasting him.

“You’re delicious.” I whispered against his flesh. He shivered.

“Death of me,” he whispered. He tugged on my hair, showing me he wanted more.

I kissed up his penis and lined it up with my mouth. I lapped a bit at the tip, enjoying the flavor of Levi, before sliding him into my mouth. I wrapped my lips around him and moved my head down. He filled my mouth easily. I stuck my tongue out of mouth to cover my bottom teeth and ease his way down my throat. He groaned as I took him back as far as I could. I felt him tickle the back of my throat and I instinctively swallowed.

“Fuck, Eren!” Levi’s hands tangled in my hair and he held my head as he thrust up into my mouth. I gagged around him and felt a little uncomfortable until I got used to it. I tilted my head back and allowed him to fuck my mouth deeper. His tip slid down my throat just a bit with every thrust and I watched his abs and hips work in time to achieve this. He groaned and moaned every so often, the sound bouncing off the walls. I tasted his precum in my mouth and hollowed out my cheeks as he kept thrusting. He whined and shivered. I hummed, hoping he would enjoy the vibrations. He must have because he tensed as cum came in hot spurts down my throat. I swallowed as soon as I felt it, knowing that if I didn’t, I would choke. After he finished cumming, he let go and his arms fell back on the bed. I sucked hard on his softening dick and he sat up quickly.

“Fucking hell, Eren!” I let him go with a pop.

“Am I not supposed to keep going?” I asked.

“I –I can’t take that, Eren.” He collapsed back to the bed with a groan.

“I’m sorry,” I said quietly. I felt so ignorant.

Levi sat up again. He pulled me on top of his lap and kissed me.

“Lay down and let me return the favor, babe?” He whispered

I smiled and laughed. “How can I refuse that?” Levi’s head buried between my thighs sounded like heaven.

I rolled over and he crawled to the foot of the bed. He grabbed my foot and kissed the bottom of it. I squirmed.

“What the hell are you doing?” I asked him.

“Tasting all of you.” His eyes darkened. He kiss the bottom of each of my toes before kissing the soft skin on the top of my foot. I squirmed.

“Levi,” I whimpered. He always knew my most erotic things to do.

He kissed my ankle bone, then grabbed the other foot and repeated the process. He went back to the first leg and licked up my calf before resting it on his shoulder. I knew what he was doing now. I shook with anticipation. He licked up the other calf and rested that one on his shoulder. He looked up at me from between my legs and I flushed even harder. He kissed one knee, then the other. I trembled with excitement now as I felt the dampness form between my thighs. I tried to press my thighs together and rub them for some sort of friction.

“Open those legs, naughty boy,” He smack at the back of my thigh and I jumped. The smack sent tingles though my body and I moaned. I started to part my shaking thighs and he leaned deeper in to them. He sucked and nipped his way up my thighs. I knew I would have marks from him there later and the thoughts of him marking me in such and intimate place made my brain fuzzy. I was his, and I wanted him to mark me.

He finally reached the place where I needed him the most and, to my surprise, he skipped right over it, choosing instead to nip at my hipbones.

“Levi!” I growled.

“Babe?” He teased, his tongue circling my belly button.

I tangled my hands in his hair and pushed his head down to my wetness.

He laughed. “Naughty boy.”

He parted my thighs wide and then reached up to spread my folds. I was trembling. He gave a couple licks up and down me with his flat tongue before using the tip to tease my clit. He kept one hand there, spreading me open, but then reached one hand up to play with my breasts. I was a strange sensation, liking the way my chest felt for once.

“Levi!” I screamed, pulling on his hair. He kissed one labia, sucking it into his mouth and playing with it before moving to the other one. He pulled back and blew on me, sending icy tingles up my spine. He was teasing me. I screamed. I pulled his wet hair and growled. He finally stopped teasing and moved to my clit. He sucked and kissed and lapped at it lovingly. I was shaking, wet mess. He hummed on it and I arched my back. Just as he was slipping his fingers into me, I heard it.

“A girl?”

Levi and I froze. I saw his dark eye shoot over to the door where Erwin was standing, staring open mouthed at my naked body. Levi moved up the bed as quickly as possible and blocked my body with his. He reached over and pulled the edge of the blanket over me.

“Eren is a girl?” Erwin repeated.

“NO!” I screamed. I started shaking.

_Eren is a girl. Eren is a girl. Eren is a girl._

“He is male. Get out!” Levi was getting off the bed and walking toward Erwin threateningly. I curled into the fetal position. I was no longer horny.

_Eren is a girl. Eren is a girl. Eren is a girl._

I covered my ears and screamed.

“You want him to have another panic attack? Leave!” Levi said.

“You’re eating her out in my bed? God damn it, Levi!” Erwin said.

“Him! I was pleasuring _him.”_ Levi corrected.

I cried harder than I ever had before.

I heard Levi and Erwin argue a little bit more before Levi slammed the door on Erwin.

_Girl. Girl. Girl._

Levi crawled into bed beside me and adjusted the covers so that we could cuddle under them. I cried on his chest.

“I’m so very sorry, Eren.” Levi whispered to me.

“Not a girl.” I cried out.

“That’s right, Eren. You’re my beautiful boy.” He curled his body protectively around me and held my crying form close. He kissed my ear gently and whispered to me.

“’I but know that I love thee, whatever thou art.’ I love you, Eren.”

“I love you, too.” I cried out. I cried in his arms until I fell into exhaustion.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The poem our lovely little dork levi is saying is called "Come, rest in this bosom" - ironic considering erens bosom dsyphoria - and is by Thomas Moore.


	7. Preparing for Battle

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Everyone who is feeling bad weather now please stay safe. Stay off the roads and cuddle up with ereri porn.

Levi POV

I held him until he was asleep, then I kissed his sweet forehead once and slipped away to deal with Erwin. After putting on my clothes, I opened the door to his office, where I knew he was waiting. He was there, working on something.

“I can’t believe she’s a girl. She looks so much like a ma-“ Erwin started.

“Shut the fuck up.” I narrowed my eyes at him. Erwin dropped the pen he was holding.

“Excuse me? Don’t forget who you’re talking to, Captain Levi.” Erwin narrowed his eyes.

“I’m speaking to the man who keeps misgendering my partner.” I stood in front of him, crossing my arms.

“I’m going to go get Hanje and we’re going to have a long talk about Eren.” I turned to the door. Hanje was the one who educated me about gender and sexuality, being that they are nonbinary. I knew Erwin never messed up Hanje’s pronouns and I wondered why that was. Did he have something specific against transmen? I didn’t know, but I would get to the bottom of it.

“Remember your place, Levi.” He said darkly.

“I am. I am Humanity’s strongest soldier and you have placed me in the position of protection over Eren. I am doing my job as his protector and lover by protecting and loving him.” I bristled.

“She doesn’t need to be protected from me, Levi, I am the-“

“The fact that you insist on using wrong pronouns for _him_ shows me that he does need to be protected from you, Erwin.” I opened the door, Hanje would help me. Eren would like Hanje knowing, but later, after I explained how it was necessary, I was sure he would be fine with it. Hanje themself had struggled with gender in their life, and I was sure that they would become quick friends after Hanje’s help.

“I’ll be back with Hanje in a moment. Don’t touch him, don’t go near him,” I paused, “Don’t even go in there. He is sleeping peacefully. Wake him with your bullshit and deal with me.”

“Levi.”

“I’m just doing what you wanted me to do: protect him.” I gave him one pointed look back and stepped into the cold hallway. Hanje would help. Hanje was good at educating people. They were patient and knowledgeable.

I walked quickly down to their room. They were asleep on top of a pile of unfinished reports. I shook them awake.

“Levi?” They asked, rubbing their eyes.

“Stop your drooling. I need you to educate Erwin about gender.” I said simply.

“What the fuck? What happened?” They were awake now, their eyes wide.

“Eren is a transman and Erwin is hurting him.” I paused. They gasped and was silent for a few moments before the squealing started.

“I knew it! I knew it! I knew it! I knew it!” They bounced their legs up and down.

“Shut up and come with me. I don’t want to leave Eren alone with Erwin for more than I have to. I don’t think he will bother Eren, but I also didn’t think he would misgender him so badly.” I scowled.

They jumped up and adjusted their ponytail while walking to the door. “He’s misgendering him?” They asked.

“Badly.”

Their swift inhale told me all I needed to know.

“This is gonna take a while. Erwin….Erwin is very stubborn.” They said. I snorted.

When we arrived back at Erwin’s office, I looked immediately to the door when I knew Eren was sleeping. It was closed, but Erwin was nowhere in sight. I stiffened. That fucker better not be in there. I started walking briskly to the door. I had been gone all of three minutes. Hanje’s room was across from mine, just down the stairs.  Did Erwin have no respect or self-control?

I heard a cry from the other side of the door and threw it open. Erwin was on the bed, leaning forward to a shaking Eren. He was pressed up against the headboard, his body shaking violently. He clutched the sheets to his chest. I didn’t think; I just reacted.

I grabbed Erwin’s shoulder and threw him on the ground. He twisted around right as I aimed to land a kick to the face. He grabbed my foot and I jerked it away. I pulled back to stomp my heel into his nose when I heard Eren.

“Levi!” He cried. I froze, my foot inches from Erwin.

“Eren,” my voice was thick. I stared at Erwin’s icy, narrowed eyes. “Did he touch you?” I was almost violently aware that Eren was naked. My body buzzed with hatred when I thought about someone touching Eren against his will.

“No. Levi. Please, just hold me.” He said shakily. I looked over to him. He needed me; Erwin could wait. Hanje helped Erwin up while I climbed on the bed. I slipped under the covers and held his naked, shaking body.

“What did he do to you, Eren? I need to know.” _Need to know how badly to beat him._ I added mentally.

“He shook me awake. I thought it was you at first. I woke up and I saw him and I didn’t have my binder and I screamed. He told me we needed to talk and you were gone and I-“ He buried his face in my neck and cried.

“I need to know why she lied to us.” Erwin said and I felt Eren’s whole body shudder at his misgendering.   


“He.” Hanje and I said at the same time.

“I need to know how many other things she lied about. I need to know if she knows more about her titan form than she lets on.” Erwin continued. “I knew you would react violently if I asked this in front of you, so I had to do it before you got back.” He looked over at Eren’s shaking form.

“I might be in the wrong here….” He narrowed his eyes at Eren. I bristled. “Might be.”

 I looked over at Hanje and they understood what I wanted. They pulled Erwin out of the room, talking about making tea with him and talking for a while. He allowed them to pull him from the room.

Once they were gone, with the door closed behind them, I focused fully on Eren.

“Beautiful boy,” I whispered to him. He cried against me.

“Levi,” he whispered into my neck. I wanted to kiss him, but I knew it wasn’t the time. What I wanted wasn’t priority, his health and safety was. He cried harder and my mind buzzed trying to think of a way to help him.

“Eren is my boyfriend.” I started talking. “Eren is a beautiful man. He is a sweet man; He is a brave man. He is taller than me, and, if I’m being honest, it is kinda nice.”

He moved a little on my neck and I knew he was listening.

“My boyfriend had beautiful eyes. I love looking at his eyes. He is so beautiful. Every part of him is beautiful.” I tried to fit as many male pronouns in my sentences. “He is in the survery corps and I am his Captain and his protector. More importantly, I am his boyfriend and his lover. I enjoy being his boyfriend and his lover very much.” I kissed his forehead and his sobs softened.

“Eren is a beautiful boy. He is very manly and he enjoys being that way. He is a man and he remains being a man even when mean people try to hurt him.” He pulled out of my neck a bit and his sobs softened once more. I pulled his head back gently by his hair and kissed his trembling lips.

“Eren is a beautiful boy. Eren is a beautiful boy. Eren is a beautiful boy.” I whispered against his lips.

“He tastes very good,” I added pressing his body against mine.

“Levi!” He squeaked as our bodies became flush. I licked at his ear and kissed his neck. I hoped this was distracting him. I hoped my words were writing over Erwin’s. I massaged his back and felt his muscles relax.

“My beautiful boy,” I nipped his neck. He squirmed and I felt him tense again. This time I hoped he was tensing in excitement. I sucked hard at his neck and he moaned loudly. I knew his sensitive spots and I worked at them.

“Levi,” I heard Hanje knock at the door. “We can hear those moans.”

I pulled away from him.

“Just a second!” I called to them. I turned back to him and saw his big puppy dog eyes looking at me.

“I need to go deal with Erwin. Do you need anything?” I didn’t like leaving him alone. “Maybe you should take a shower. The hot water may relax you.”

He was shaking his head before I even finished.

“I want to be there.” He said looking into my eyes.

“Be where?” I asked. Then, it clicked. “You want to be with me when I talk to Erwin.”

“I need my binder and some more clothes first.” He looked down at the pile of our clothes.

“Do you think this is a good idea? He will most likely say some awful, _incorrect_ things.” I made sure I emphasized how incorrect Erwin would be.

“If I’m not there, I will just worry about what’s being said.” He sighed. “I hate this.”

“I know, babe. I hate this, too. I love you, though.” I kissed him sweetly and squeezed him close before I left to get his binder.

“Make sure you stay in the bathroom with the door lock. I will be gone two minutes.” I kissed him and he nodded. He wrapped the blanket around himself and carried it into the bathroom. I made sure I heard the click of the lock before I left the room.

Hanje and Erwin were sitting at Erwin’s tea area. Erwin had his brows knitted together and he was rubbing his temples. Hanje was calmly sipping at tea.

“I don’t – I don’t understand. I always thought you used they/them because you liked being weird?” He sighed.

Hanje laughed. “We’re gonna have so much fun, Levi!” They called to me as I stormed out of the room.

“No we’re not. Eren’s participating.” I said.

“Oh.” They said darkly. I didn’t need to see them to know that their face had dropped. The whole dynamic of what was about to happen had changed and we all knew it.

“I’m going to get his binder. Watch Erwin for me.” I said gruffly as I shut the door.

I just barely heard Erwin ask what a binder was before their voices had faded. I ran down to our room, begging whatever deity that had damned me since I was born to please keep Eren safe. I grabbed his binder and his pants and shirt before running back up the stair as fast as my short little legs could take me.

I threw the door back open.

“Why would anyone want to do that though? It sounds painful.” Erwin was rubbing his head harder now.

“Oh it is. I bind sometimes and it’s very painful.” Hanje sipped their tea.

I brushed past them and walked back into the bedroom. I laid Eren’s stuff on the bed and knocked on the door.

“I’m back.” I called to him.

“That was fast.” He opened the door. He went immediately to his binder and put it on.

“I don’t like leave you alone.” I whispered as I watched him get dressed. I went over to Erwin’s drawers and pulled out a big sleep shirt.

“Will this be more comforting? It’s looser on your chest than your usual outfit?” I asked him gently. He stared at me.

“I-It will. Thank you.” He took it with shaky hands.

“You don’t have to participate, Eren.” I whispered. He must be nervous about Erwin.

“I just wasn’t expecting you to be so in tune with my needs.” He pulled the fabric over his head. It dropped down to mid-thigh, it was so big.

“I’m in tune with your needs?” I asked. He nodded. “Good.” I kissed his hand, marking each fingertip with a soft kiss.

“Levi,” he said, blushing. Even though his cheeks were red and puffy, I still saw the blush spread.

“Let’s deal with Erwin, then we can-“ I hesitated. I wanted to say ‘make love’ but I wasn’t sure he would want to after what was about to happen.

“- do whatever you want to.” I finished. He would probably want to sleep. He nodded.

He nodded. He squeezed my hand in his own and grabbed the blanket with the other. I guessed he would be bringing it with him.

“Let’s go.” He gulped. He followed me out the door, still holding my hand.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I should publish the next chapter in like two hours after dinner lol. I have it planned out. It's mainly dialogue. I like to give people who misgender accidentally the benefit of the doubt. I like to think they are uneducated. When they do it again after it's been explained to them- then we know they are asshats.


	8. Comfort

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ive been inside too long but its snowing anf i cant go run an jndwojnowiqnfionqfoininfion12iofni1nidcwmklqmdakmklmlkx

Eren POV

The first thing Erwin looked at as we entered the room was my chest. I looked down and felt a slight tremble run through me. Levi squeezed my hand. He stood before the tea area and waited for Hanje to shuffle over to sit next to Erwin so we could have a couch to ourselves. I wrapped the blanket around us both to hide my body and snuggled close to Levi. He kissed my head as he narrowed his eyes at Erwin.

“So? Who wants to go first?” Hanje asked, clapping their hands.

“Have you made any progress at all with him?” Levi asked to Hanje.

“I like to believe I have. He now gets the basics of being nonbinary, though he doesn’t understand binding at all.” Hanje smiled at me and I felt Levi stroke my side underneath the blanket.

“It hurts, right?” Erwin looked at me. “That thing you wear to hide your breasts?”

“It’s incredibly painful and dangerous to him, Erwin. He wouldn’t do it if it wasn’t important.” Levi said.

Erwin hummed. “I just don’t get it. Why hurt yourself to appear male?”

“I am male.” I said, my voice thick.

“He is male.” Hanje and Levi said at the same time.

“Yeah, okay, but biologically –“ Erwin started.

“He is biologically male.” Levi cut in.

“What? I’ve seen her, I mean his, vagina, Levi.” Erwin crossed his arms.

“The last time I checked the brain was a biological organ, Erwin.” I smiled and snuggled into Levi’s shoulder.

_Fuck yeah. I’m a biological male._ I thought. Levi rubbed up and down my sides.

“The body is mainly just a support system for the brain. We are basically brains in a meat suit.” Hanje sipped their tea.

“So because her- his, sorry- brain decides he’s male, then he’s just as male as me and Levi?” Erwin asked.

“Oh my god.” I said. That had to be the worst thing I had heard him say.

“This isn’t a competition, Erwin. He’s male. I’m male. You’re male. There are no levels of ‘maybe man’ and ‘almost man’ and ‘kinda man’. There’s male and there is other genders. He is male.” Levi snuggled me closer. Erwin sighed.

“I just don’t understand, Eren. Why do you hate women?” He asked my earnestly.

“I don’t! For fuck’s sakes, I don’t hate any genders!” I was angry.

“Then why do you hate being a girl?” He asked.

“He’s not a girl.” Hanje and Levi said at the same time.

“I hate being called a girl because I’m not a girl.” I said slowly. I suddenly had an idea.

“Miss Commander Erwin.” I said. Levi smirked and Hanje snorted in laughter. Erwin’s eyes widened.

“I’m not a girl, Eren.”

“Miss Commander Erwin.” I repeated.

“Eren. I see what you’re doing. I’m not a girl.”

“Miss Commander Erwin, why do you hate girls?” I asked him.

“I don’t!” He sighed.

“Then why do you hate being called a girl? You must hate women.” I said.

“I don’t. I’m just not a girl!” Erwin said.

“Neither am I!” I said, crossing my arms above the blankets. Erwin’s eyes widened.

“Okay, you don’t hate women. Alright, I get that now.”  

“Progress!” Hanje called.

“Why did you lie, though?” Erwin asked.

“Nevermind!” Hanje called again.

“I didn’t lie! I said I was a man and I am!”

“Are you lying about anything else?” Erwin asked.

“He’s wasn’t lying!” Hanje and Levi called.

“Fine! Have you lied about anything titan related?” He narrowed his eyes at me.

“No!” I cried. I buried my head in Levi and inhaled his scent. I love him so much.

“Erwin.” Levi warned. “We should put a pin in this discussion. You know now to not misgender him? Use he/him when talking about him?”

“I will use he/ him.” Erwin nodded.

“Hanje, further his education while I take care of him, please.” Levi asked.

They winked. “You got it, friend!”

Levi pulled me up and I dropped the blanket on the couch. It was Erwin’s, after all.

“You want to sleep?” he asked as he shut the door back closed.

“I don’t know.” I said honestly. I felt queasy.

“Let’s cuddle then.” Levi walked down the stairs and I followed him. I smiled to myself a bit. I didn’t think I would ever hear him say cuddle.

We went back into out room and he walked over to his bed. He let go of my hand to grab up all the blankets and pillows and move them to my bed. I waited patiently. He tugged off his pants and shirt, keep on his black boxer briefs, and crawled into the bed. I tugged off my pants and then pulled off the shirt. I laid it on the bed and then pulled off my binder. My chest popped out and I took a deep breath, feeling the ache of expansion in my ribs. I turned back to him, noticing him looking at my chest in the moonlight and flushed. When Levi did it, it was different than when anyone else did. I knew Levi was looking in appreciation and lust. I pulled back on the shirt and kept on my boxers. I slid into bed beside him and felt him push my shirt up to stroke my sides and back.

“Mmmm, that feels good.” I whispered to him. The queasy feeling was leaving my stomach. He stroked harder, moving his hands more fully around my body.

“Whatever I can do for you, beautiful boy.” He whispered to me.

Levi POV

I wanted him to tell me he wanted me to continue on where I had left off. I wanted him to roll over and part his thighs and tell me to make him orgasm. I wanted to feel his hands pushing me down towards his wetness once more. I stroked more and more, getting close to his chest. I remembered how he said that he was surprised his chest could feel good. I wanted him to feel good. I brushed my hands near the underside of his chest.

“You can touch,” he whispered to me. I pulled him firmly against my chest and rolled over so he was laying on top of me. His head tucked under my chin, I massaged his chest. He gave me a small moan.

“You okay with this?” I asked him.

“Yes. I’m really tired, though…so we can’t fool around too much.” He whispered.

“Can I-“ I started. I wanted to eat him out. I wanted to finish what we were doing before Erwin ruined it all.

“What?” He breathed. He arched his back, pressing his nipples into my palm. I took the hint and squeezed them until they were perky so I could roll them in my fingertips.

“I want to continue what we were doing. I didn’t get to make you orgasm.” I whispered to him.

“O-okay. If you want to.” He squirmed under my hands and I tugged at his nipples. He moaned for me. I slipped on hand lower and worked it over his stomach.

“Are you sure?” I reached my hand down and cupped his sex. I wanted to see how he handled this before I tried to eat him again. He surprised me by pushing against my hand.

“Yes.” He breathed. I slipped my hand into his boxers and he spread his legs for me. I checked his folds and found them a little wet. It only took a small massage of his clit to make his moan again. I slid my hand out and he made an unhappy noise. I chuckled and slid out from under him, crawling on top of him. I pressed my forehead against his and whispered my poem to him again. I hoped he knew how much I loved him. I pulled off his boxers than put his legs on either side of mine His legs were spread wide and I saw his hands twitching to cover himself. I kissed his stomach and his thighs, whispering about how he was the most beautiful man I had ever seen.

“Levi,” he squirmed. I kissed all around his thighs and stroked his soft pubic hair while waiting for him to put his hands in my hair. I parted his folds and he pushed his hips up to my face.

“Levi,” he whined. I waited.

“What is it you want, Eren?” His hands were knotted in my hair in no time and he pushed my face down with a growl. I lapped greedily as he began to get wetter and wetter. My cock was starting to feel uncomfortable in my briefs, but I didn’t try to get any relief. I was going to focus on my boyfriend. I reached on arm up and played with his nipples.

I tried to copy my movements form earlier, sucking on his labia and tickling his clit, because I knew he had reacted to that. He tasted like everything at once. He was sweet and salty and bitter and flowery. It was a full on sex taste that I worked onto my tongue and then let spread all over my mouth. Damn Erwin Smith for making me miss this. Once I got his delicious wetness going nicely, I thought it was okay to slip a finger or two inside of him. I let go of his chest and moved down to his vagina.

 I started with one finger, feeling him contract around me when I slid in before he relaxed. I sucked on his clit and he whined, bucking his hips against my hand. He was so soft and hot; I knew I wouldn’t last once my dick was inside him. I worked in and out harder, feeling his body shake and quiver. I added a second finger and heard his wetness begin to squish as I thrust. I lapped harder and harder at his clit, running my tongue along the edge of the retracted hood and he screamed. I did it again, adding a growl to send vibrations though it. His back arched and he screamed my name, grinding his hips against my face and hand.

My own cock was very hard and I knew I must be dribbling precum. I loved it when he pulled on my hair and pushed it down exactly where he wanted it. I could feel my heart beat in my penis and hear my blood rush in my ears. I wanted to bend him over and plow him until he collapsed in pleasure, but I didn’t. I would take care of Captain Jr. later. I hummed into his vagina and he moaned for me.

I went to the spot where I had found his g-spot before and curled my fingers into it. He curled up a bit. I felt his warm walls clamp down on me before releasing my hand and fluttering. He was close. I thought about whether I should back off and let him calm down a bit so as to drag this out. I wanted to keep going. I wanted to taste all of him and I hadn’t even stuck my tongue in his vagina, yet. I remembered him telling me he was tired, though, and I figured a quick orgasm would help him get off to sleep.

I sucked hard on his clit while thrusting my fingers into his g-spot. He orgasmed hard, curling his body up around my head and screaming. I took this chance and pulled out my fingers. I slipped my tongue inside to taste him one last time. I tickled his fluttering walls with my tongue just enough to get a good taste before pulling back. I looked at him, panting and red. The bed was soaked in sweat and I figured we would head over to my mattress to sleep tonight.

“Eren, I’m gonna go get some stuff to clean us up, okay?” I asked him.

“Okay, Levi.” I scooped him up and held his shaking body in my lap. I didn’t want to leave him. I kissed him deeply and he pulled back only after a few seconds.

“What?” I asked. “You can taste yourself?”

“Yes.” He blushed and nodded.

“You taste good.” I growled before kissing him hard. He squirmed in my lap and his wet thighs brushed up against my erection.

“Eren,” I moaned. He scooted closer to me.

“You don’t have to leave now, do you? Not with your, um, boner?” He bit his lips and looked at me. He moved his thighs closer to me.

“I don’t have to, but I would like to take care of this sooner rather than later.” I said.

“I- I want to.” He whispered. He tugged my briefs down and saw my cock was already dribbling pre cum.

He moved closer to me, hovering his thighs over my erection. Wait, he wasn’t planning to?

I moaned loudly as he grabbed my cock and rubbed it over his wet folds.

“Eren,” I shuddered. “Are you?”

He lined me up with his entranced and I saw him tremble. No. He’s not ready for this!

“Eren!” He moved his hips down and I felt my tip slip into his warmth. I grabbed his hips and held them steady.

“No!” I said, pulling him off of me.

“No?” He asked.

“You aren’t ready. I’ll deal wi-“  I said.

“I am ready! I want to ride you!” He pushed on my chest and I fell back. He settled his hips over my erection again and I reached out and grabbed him.

“No, Eren. You’re not ready.” I said gently. It had felt so good inside of him, but he wasn’t ready. He was a hurt, lustful little boy and I wouldn’t take advantage of this.

“I am!” He cried.

“How about you use your hand? Or your mouth?” I offered. I sincerely hoped it was the later.

“How about I use my pussy?” He said, trying to get back on my erection again.

“No.” I said gently. “I don’t consent to that, Eren.” He froze.

“No? Really, no?” He asked, his wide green eyes on me.

“Really no. Later, babe,” I stroked his face, “ I promise.”

“Can I use my mouth, then?” He asked.

I sat up and kissed him. “Yes, please.”

I was so close, it wouldn’t take his hot little mouth anytime at all. He leaned down and I saw his little ass rise up behind him. I stared at it while he kissed my erection. Pleasure shot through me and I moaned, pushing his head closer. It took no time at all for him to bring me to orgasm. He swallowed all my cum and licked me clean. We cuddled while I panted and calmed down. I went to go get stuff to clean us off and a glass of water to take care of Eren while Eren piled the covers onto my bed. I cleaned up and then we cuddled naked until we feel asleep. I did wonder about the next day though… I wondered what Erwin’s reaction tomorrow would be… would he tell everyone? Move Eren out of my room? I just didn’t know.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> idwfiqeoinioqnefinfowqodmwqmfoiqw ive been sitting still too long


	9. Room

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hanje and armin give me life tbh, hanje here and armin in my other fic they just get me up in the morning

Eren POV

“This is the way it has to be.” Erwin said, folding his hands on top of the desk. I jumped from the couch and lean forward to yell at Erwin.

“Then change the way it has to be!”

“Eren.” He warned. “Remember your place.”

“My place, first and foremost, is in the survey corps, helping to kill all the titans and free humanity. Secondly, my place is next to Levi.”

It was only Erwin, Levi, and me in Erwin’s office.

“You can get pregnant, Eren. This is the way it has to be.” Erwin said again.

“I’m not leaving Levi’s room!” I said.

“You also need to move in with the girls-“ Erwin started.

“I’m not a girl.” I said.

“You still need to be away from the men, Eren. You could get pregnant and then we would have a mess of titan baby on our hands.” Erwin said. I looked over at Levi, who was strangely silent.

“Please say something.” I asked him. Levi had more influence over Erwin than I did.

“Are you trying to out him?” Levi said darkly. “Because this is the way to do it, asshole.”

“Everyone will know I’m transgender once they start asking why I’m in the girls’ shower and the girls’ dorm and-“

“It will be even more obvious when you’re with child, Eren.” He interrupted.

“-I just won’t have it.” I finished.

“This isn’t about outing you. This is about health and safety.”

“Then keep me with Levi if it’s about health and safety.”

“I don’t see how that would help you with health and safety-“ He started. I blew up. I slammed my hands on his desk and he didn’t even flinch.

“Transgender people aren’t exactly frolicking down a flower path around here. We’re rejected and beaten and murdered and pushed into suicide and abused and-“

“Eren!” Erwin sighed.

“I’m just pointing out that if you out me, someone group of assholes are going to try and kill me. Not that that isn’t happening with the whole titan thing, but come on, Erwin, do we really need to compound the risk? Do I need to be hated more?” I pleaded with him.

“Eren must be kept safe and I’m the best person for the job. I can keep him safe and under control and can kill him should the need arise. He should be with me.” Levi finally said. “Also, we need to keep everyone under the assumption that he is a cisgender male. It’s just safer, like Eren said.”

“Yes, but do you really expect me to believe that you’re going to keep your hands off of her?” Erwin looked pointedly at Levi.

“He!” I growled. “I’m a man!”

“Sorry, Eren. Do you really expect me to believe that you are going to keep your hands off of him?” Erwin corrected himself.

Levi was quiet.

“You’ve already slept with him, haven’t you?” Erwin asked. “He could be pregnant right now?”

“No.” Levi and I said at the same time.

“Levi hasn’t taken my virginity yet.” I said to him, not even embarrassed in my anger.

“We can’t have a pregnant titan, Eren. Also, you wouldn’t be able to fight for quite some time.” Erwin said.

“Then we won’t do that. We won’t have sex.” I crossed my arms. I had no intention of seeing that statement through, (of course I was going to bang Levi, are you fucking kidding me?), but I thought it would make Erwin feel better.

“Oh really?” Erwin raised his eyebrow. “If you two aren’t sleeping together than there is no reason why you shouldn’t move out.”

“You two are missing the most obvious solution.” Levi said tiredly.

“What?” I asked, turning to see his scowling face.

“Hanje can put him on birth control.” Levi said. “They would love to do it. They’ve mentioned it to me before.”

“Hanje can provide birth control for a titan?” Erwin asked.

“Hanje needs to run some tests on him, but they are pretty sure that they can make effective birth control for a titan.” Levi stood up. “If that doesn’t work, I’ll get Hanje to fix me up, and then we won’t ever have to deal with it.”

“Whoa, Levi, let’s not, um, get you snipped. Especially by Hanje…” I said. I didn’t want Hanje with a scalpel anywhere near what was sure to be my most favorite thing in the world, aka Levi’s dick.

“That way, you two will quit bickering like old men.” He shook his head and walked out of the door. “I’m going to get them.” He shut the door.

It was now me and Erwin alone.

“Eren, I want to apologize for my previous actions. When I went into the bedroom to see if you had lied about anything titan related, I didn’t think you were naked and on the verge of another panic attack. Please, forgive me.”

“I forgive you for coming in there, but I don’t forgive you for misgendering me.” I crossed my arms. He raised his eyebrows.

“I’m sorry, Eren. I’m trying hard with your pronouns.”

“You’re not trying hard enough.” I snapped. I paused and glared at him. He had the decency to lower his eyes. I remember why was out in the first place and felt a little bad.

“I’m sorry, too.” I said. He looked up at me.

“What for?”

“For using your bed to, well, you know.” I blushed and found my uniform skirt very interesting.

“It’s okay. I mean, it’s not like it’s the first time I’ve ever caught a squad leader with someone in there.” He laughed.

“Really?”

“The stories I could tell! I think the best is when I found Hanje with Petra. They had some toys out and, um, let just say it was a long clean-up process.”

“Holy shit!” I laughed and so did Erwin. It felt good, to laugh with him. I had hope for our relationship together.

“Oi, you two shits, what’s so funny?” Levi stood in the door with Hanje.

“I was just telling him about the time I found Hanje getting dirty in my bed.” Erwin laughed again.

“Not the Mike stories!” Hanje cried.

“Wait! Mike, too? And stories, plural? Oh, god!” I laughed as Hanje rushed in and ran up to Erwin’s desk.

“Stop telling people about me and Nanaba!” Hanje growled.

“Wait, Nanaba, too?” I asked.

“Fuck! Which one did you tell him?” Hanje asked, leaning forward to Erwin.

“Petra.” I answered.

“Oh, that one’s the kinky story.” Levi said from the couch.

“Shut up! My girlfriend doesn’t like us to talk about it!” Hanje growled at Levi this time.

“You and Petra are dating? I thought you and Mike were.” I said. I had heard Mike say he was taking them out on a date and call Hanje his partner before.

“It’s a poly relationship.” Hanje explained. “I’m dating them both and Nanaba. Nanaba and Mike are dating, too. Petra is also dating Oluo.”

“Oh, okay. Gotcha.” I said. I wasn’t poly myself, but I was happy to hear about their relationship.

“Apparently it’s a rite of passage to them to bring all their partners in here to get caught at least once.” Erwin sighed. “I swear one day that I’m going to change the locks.”

“Like that will keep us out, honey.” Hanje laughed.

“Anyway, you shits, he needs birth control.” Levi grumbled.

“Oh, man someone is getting laid~.” Hanje sung out. Levi shot them a glare that shut them up. I blushed.

“Can you get some birth control for me?” I asked.

“Not really no. I can’t get it.” Hanje said sadly. My heart lurched.

“Oh.” I said disappointedly.

“But I can make it!” Hanje’s face lit up and they clapped their hands.

“Hanje.” I sighed.

“Or you could just-“ Levi started.

“Levi I am not comfortable with Hanje with a scalpel around your dick!” I said.

“You were thinking of having me do a birth control surgery on you?” Hanje turned to Levi.

“It’s the simplest option right now. You can handle the surgery and I can be up and ready to go after just a little time in bed.” Levi looked at me. “The scalpel won’t come near my dick, Eren.”

“It’ll be down there!” I said, crossing my arms.

“The incision is actually made-“ Hanje started, adjusting their glasses up.

“No!” I cut them off. “I might want his babies!”

The room was quiet for a long time. Hanje’s mouth fell open and Levi’s eyes were wide. I didn’t have to look at Erwin to now he had some sort of reaction, too.

“I mean…you never know about the future and all…” I whispered, looking down at my shoes. They stayed quiet. It was Hanje that broke the silence next, letting out the most ungodly squeal I had ever heard.

“Eren and Levi babies! Little black haired, green eyes babies! How cute!” Hanje squealed. They jumped up and hugged me. I felt the air leave my lungs as they squeezed me hard.

“Eren.” Levi said. “We should go and talk.”

Hanje let me go and I looked at him. His voice had held no emotions, but I could see the nervousness in his eyes and the way his hands were in fists so tight that the knuckles were white. I gulped.

“Yeah. Let’s, um, talk.” I said. He stood up and we both moved toward the door.

“His birth control, Hanje, work on it!” Levi called.

We walked down the stairs to our room and I got very nervous. I hadn’t meant to say that. I was just thinking. There was no way we could have a baby in the middle of this war. Or could we?


	10. Bed

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> warning: shameless ereri smut ahead

Eren POV

Levi opened the door to our room and gestured for me go ahead. I walked in nervously and stood in the middle of the room. Do I sit on my bed? Or do I sit on Levi’s? I was used to staying in the same bed as Levi now…But he seemed…angry.

I chewed my lip, approaching Levi’s bed. I glanced back at him and saw him leaning against the closed door. He didn’t do anything, so I assumed it was okay. I sat on the edge of his bed, not taking my shoes off and moving to the middle like I did most of the time. I waited for Levi to speak.

He didn’t.

I bounced my legs and wait for him to speak.

He didn’t.

I twirled my thumbs and waited for him to speak.

He didn’t.

I looked over at him, leaning against the door in a ridged posture that I didn’t like. He had his eyes closed.

“Levi?” I finally asked. His eyes slowly opened, but focused on the floor and not on me.

“What the hell was that?” He hissed.

“What, um, exactly are you referring to?” I shifted nervously. His gray eyes shot over to me and narrowed.

“My baby?” He said, and his voice was so low it gave me chills.

“I was just talking! We were on the subject of, like, birth control and, you know, babies and birth control get talked about-“I started.

“Eren.” He said gruffly. “I am not father material.”

“Well,” I tried to keep my voice level, “that’s debatable.”

He pushed off the door and stood in front of me.

“We are in the middle of a war. Death is everywhere, and we have no room for a new life. What happens when the baby is a newborn or one or two years old and one or both of us die in an expedition?”

“What!?” I stood up, and our proximity made me tower over him.

“Don’t you dare act like it isn’t a possibility.”

“You aren’t allowed to die! You are humanity’s strongest; humanity needs you!” I put my hands on his shoulders. He stared straight ahead, his eyes looking at my chest without seeing anything.

“Titans don’t care who you are, Eren. They will kill without giving a shit. I’ve seen comrades of all skill levels die brutally. It doesn’t matter if humanity needs me.”

“Does is matter if I need you?” I whispered, pulling him into my arms. He was stiff.

“That’s not fair, Eren.” He said. I know it wasn’t fair when I said it. He was going to die. Hell, I was going to die. We were all going to die. Because we were in this war, we couldn’t exactly even begin to predict when we were going to die. We couldn’t even begin to pretend to have some sort of control over our own futures.

“I will protect you.” I said, leaning my face down to whisper in his ear. He snorted.

“You’re just a brat. I’m the one who is humanity’s strongest. I should be the one protecting you.” He relaxed a little against me.

“I’m a titan. I’m giant. ” I smiled into his hair. “You’re just a short, little-“ I started.

“What was that?” He pulled back out of my arms a bit to glare at me.

“I mean, um…It’s just that I’m a titan so I’m titan size. I mean, anyone would be short compared to me! I mean…um….” I looked away from his angry eyes and twisted my face up. I knew he didn’t like being teased about his size! Why would I do that? I was so insensitive! I mentally hit myself in the face.

“Brat.” He said, his voice level. I nuzzled his neck, sighing at his scent. He slid his hands up my sides and rested them on my rib cage. His thumbs reached up and ran over the edge of my binder through my shirt.

“You really think you might want my baby one day?”

I didn’t open my eyes. “I love you.”

“I love you, too.” He said quietly. I kiss his neck gently before I brought my hands to his hair. I petted him gently while I explained.

“I know we can’t have a baby now. I know that. It’s not the right time, but I can’t help but think about the future. Who knows? I mean, maybe in 5, 10 years this war might be over-“

“Eren.”

“-and we could be married –“

“Eren.”

“-And we could have a kid or maybe more than one-“

“Eren.”

“-and we could live together and we would be the best daddies, Levi. We really would –“

“Eren!”

“- I could be Daddy and you could be Papa.”

“Eren!”

“-We would be so supportive. No matter what gender or sexuality our child was, we would support them. We would be so caring and protective. You know we would be.”

“Eren, stop!” He pulled out of my arms. He moved back a few feet.

“Levi?” I asked, my hands staying up in the air where he had been.

“How dare you talk shit like that!” He growled. I blinked.

“Levi?” I asked again.

“How dare you talk like that.” He said, his voice lower. “How dare you paint that happy picture in my head when it may never happen! When you or I or both of us could be dead tomorrow or next week or next month! Don’t you dare give me hope for a future with children and marriage.”

He turned and started walking away toward the door.

“Levi!” I grabbed his shoulder.

“Why should I get a husband and children when so many of my men have had the opportunity for that happiness crushed between a titan’s teeth?” He said darkly, shaking my hand off.

I got angry. I couldn’t help it.

“Levi!” I screamed. He paused with his hand on the door. I grabbed his shoulders and turned him around. He allowed it, looking at me with the mask of indifference he usually reserved for everyone else.

I did the only thing I could think of. I pushed his back up against the wall and kissed him. He was still stiff against me, so I ran my hands over his tense back to relax him. After a while of me just kissing him, I started to get discouraged. Why wouldn’t he kiss me back? I thought about pulling away, but my stubbornness got in the way. If he wasn’t reacting to this, I would just have to change what I was doing.

I ran my hands up to his hair and tugged it. His head moved the way I wanted it to and I moved down to his neck. I went straight to that spot under his ear that made him squirm and kissed at it. His neck relaxed, giving me more access. I sucked the spot into my mouth and gave it a few hard sucks. His breathing picked up and his hands moved to my hips. I smiled against the hickey that was beginning to show up. I started to pull away, planning to take off my jacket when he made a noise of annoyance.

“Oi, if you start shit, you should finish it.” He said. He pushed on the back of my head, tilting his head far to make it obvious what he wanted.

“We could finish it on the bed.” I suggested in what I hoped was a sexy voice.

He straightened his head quickly and looked at me. I could see in his narrowed eyes that he was thinking about it.

“Hanje doesn’t have your birth control ready.” He whispered. “If we got on the bed...”

“We wouldn’t stop.” I finished the thought for him. He nodded. I pressed my forehead against his and looked into his eyes.

“One time won’t hurt…” I said.

I thought about what I was saying. Earlier, I had been so eager to have him inside of me. I had even tried to ride him… but then I was so emotional. I was hurt and confused and angry and I had just been so eager to have some sort of positive feeling.

We hadn’t been together for long, but our relationship was intense. It was new and exciting and full of promise. I could tell this gruff, strong man would be able to handle my bullshit, and I was certainly angry and stubborn enough to deal with his.

“One time…should be okay.” He said after a moment. “ I highly doubt we would conceive from your first time.”

“Yeah.” I said shakily. He picked up on it instantly.

“You don’t have to do anything, Eren.”

I pulled back from him and moved back a little bit.

“Let’s talk about this on the bed?” I said. It came out like a question, and he nodded. He went first, tugging me over to his bed and sitting with me on the edge.

“It’s not that I don’t want to,” I started, “It’s that it’s kinda a big deal to me. My first time with you, I mean. It’s probably not that big of a deal to you-“

“It is, silly.” He said simply, turning his head to one side. “Why would you think it wouldn’t be? Because I’m not a virgin?”

I nodded. He rubbed little circles into my hand.

“I assure you this is very new to me, too.” He said.

“Because you’ve never had sex with a person with a vagina?” I asked.

“Yeah.” He nodded. “I tried a couple time, but they were girls. I’m definitely homosexual.”

I smiled. “You could have fooled me.”

“What?”

“You’re, um, really good with me.” I blushed. I was thinking about the times when he had buried his face between my thighs.

“Well, usually eating them out was as far as I got before I gave up.” He shrugged. “I’ve never been _inside_ of them. I’m just not into girls.”

“I’m glad I’m not a girl.” I smiled at him.

“I’m glad you’re not, too. My beautiful boy.” He reached up and gently stroked at my face. My heart rate picked up a little as he pulled me down to him. He was very gentle with his kisses at first, testing the waters. He kept it closed mouth with his hands on my face and not moving any lower. We both knew that if we got handsy, it would end in sex, and he was giving me a chance to stop it before it got started.

I pulled back a little bit and pulled off my jacket. He watched me, then took off his own. He held a hand out to me and I knew what he wanted. He stood up and quickly folded our uniform jackets up and laid them on the dresser. He took off his cravat and laid it over the top of his uniform. He turned back toward me.

“Should I lock the door?” He asked. It was another way of making sure I was okay with where this was headed.

“Yes.” I said, looking down. I saw his boots walk by me and heard the click of the door before the boots came back. His pale hands appeared on top of his boots and he pulled them off. I reached down to do the same, but he stopped me.

“Allow me.” He said, pushing me down on the bed. I propped myself up on my forearms and watched as he picked up one of my legs, looking it up and down before sliding the boot off. He repeated the process with the other leg, and placed the boots next to his when he was done. I didn’t sit up again, but stayed in my stretched out position, only changing to lay fully on the bed. I closed my eyes, but knew where he was in the room still.

It was like I was hyperaware of him, right now. We weren’t doing anything we hadn’t done before, but at the same time, we were. This time, he was actually going to be inside of me, and that knowledge alone kicked my senses into high gear. I could hear every little _pad pad pad_ of his steps putting our boots together and coming away. I could hear his even breathing and the creaks of the bed as he crawled on top of me. His crawling over me brought a little rush of air and I could even feel it gentle tickle on my skin. His scent was everywhere, sharp and musky and oh so attractive. I was blushing and trembling a bit before he had even touched me.

“Are you okay?” He asked. I opened my eyes and saw his face very close to mine. I inhaled deeply.

“I’m really, um, excited.” I said to him quietly.

“I haven’t even touched you.” He raised an eyebrow.

“I know,” I looked away. “It’s just… the knowing. The knowing what’s about to happen.”

He processed this for a few seconds before humming. “You like being teased.” He said it as a statement and not as a question.

“I…what?” I blinked at him.

“I’m going to enjoy that very soon.” He said.  

He sat back on his legs, unbuttoning his shirt.

“You know,” He hummed, “I think you have a thing for shoulders.”

I laughed. “I do not! And besides, you have a thing for having your head held down between my legs.”

“I do. I love that.” He paused, “You always seem to look at my shoulders and scratch them and grabbed them and feel them. You like shoulders.”

He slowly shrugged out of his shirt, and I knew he didn’t just pull it off with his hands because he wanted to draw my eye to his shoulders. I looked over the lines of muscle in his shoulders and reached up to run a couple fingertips over his collarbones. The skin was so soft yet rough where his 3dmg belt had left marks. His marks were very rough and the skin was a hard white. I compared them to my own marks and found that mine were pink.

“How long before my 3dmg marks fade to white?”

“Mine turned white in about two years.” He said.

“Two? I’ve been using 3dmg for longer than-“I started.

“I wore the belts when I slept. I also didn’t have limits on when I used 3dmg, so I used it heavily right off the bat.” He said, looking at my face.

“Why when you slept?”

“In the underground, you had to be ready for action anytime. I couldn’t risk not being ready when something happened. I had people to protect and jobs to do.” He looked a bit sad and I felt sad for him.

“Hey? You want me to shove your head between my legs? Would that cheer you up?” I said, running my hands down his arms to hold his hands.

“Is it that obvious that I enjoy that so much?” He asked.

“Well, yeah.” I smiled.

“It would cheer me up to take your clothes off.” He let go of my hands and tugged on my shirt.

“Go ahead, Mr. Impatient.” I teased. He pulled off my shirt and binder and active binder, placing them all on the dresser.

“Well see who Mr. Impatient is when I start teasing you, beautiful boy.” He said as he crawled back on top of me.

He pinned my wrists to either side of my head as I laughed a bit. My laughter stopped when he leaned down and took one of my soft nipples into his hot mouth. He flicked his tongue over top of it and I squirmed a bit. He tightened his hold on my wrists and sucked on the nipple he had been teasing. When it was hard enough to his satisfaction, he let it go with a wet popping noise. I looked down at him and saw the trail of saliva leading from his open mouth to my wet nipple. He puckered his lips and I knew what he was going to do next.

He blew hard on my nipple and the whole of my attention focused on the cold pleasure. My nipple was hard already, but now it was pebbled, and my saliva slicked chest was covered in goose bumps. I whimpered a bit as the conflicting sensations of heat curling in my lower belly clashed with the chill on my nipple. He kissed over that swell of my chest, making wet, sloppy noises, before lazily dragging his tongue over to my other nipple. He met my eyes then, and I bit my lip against a moan. He narrowed his eyes and sucked hard on my half nipple. I pressed my thighs together underneath him, wishing I had something inside me.

He bit my nipple without warning and I yelped. He raised off of my nipple an inch.

“Bad boy, don’t hold those noises in.” He went back to my chest, kissing and licking and sucking all around the swell of my chest. I wiggled my legs around underneath him and he bit my nipple again.

“Levi!” I whined.

“Bad boy, no trying to rub your thighs together.” He sat back on his legs. “Rubbing your thighs is my job.” He unbuttoned my pants and we awkwardly shifted around so I could get them off. In the end, he just got off the bed and pulled off both my pants and boxers and laid them on the floor. He pulled off his pants and briefs next, and laid them on top of my clothes.

“Open your legs,” He said, standing at the foot of the bed. I gulped, spreading my legs a little bit.

“Eren, open your legs.” He put one knee on the bed. “I need to get in between them.”

He put on hand on the closest knee and pushed it gently. I allowed him to push it until my knee was bent fully and my foot was on the bed. I saw his gray eyes looking all around my body and I closed my eyes. I felt really exposed, which was scary but at the same time, exciting.

With my eyes closed, the feeling of hyper sensitivity was back. I heard the quiet bed creaks again as he put his other knee on the bed. I felt his warm, rough hands rub up my other leg and the softer flesh on the side of my knee was very sensitive to the calluses on his hands. He slipped his hand under my knee and started pulling it up. I allowed him to bend my knee and push my legs apart fully. I felt the cold air on my wet flesh and knew I was fully exposed to him. I dug my hands into the sheets to stop myself from trying to cover up.

I wondered what he would do now. My legs were open, we were both naked, and he had consent to fuck me. Would he just shove it in now? I didn’t know. I didn’t think I would mind if he just did so now, but I would like to experience this longer. I waited for him to do something, anything, while the butterflies in my stomach beat their wings in time with my fluttering heart.

He shifted on the bed and I braced myself for whatever he was about to do.

“Breath, Eren,” He said to me, and I used his voice to determine that his head was a lot lower than a kneeling position. I felt his breath nearer and nearer my thighs and I relaxed, because we were doing something familiar, and, at the same time, got more excited, because Levi’s head was between my legs once more.

He kissed all around my thighs and stroked me with his fingers. I grew a little frustrated and confused before I remember what it was he was waiting for. I let go of the sheets, my fingers giving little aches because I had been gripping them so hard, and reached down toward his head. I kept my eyes closed, so it took a bit of searching before I found his head. I ran my hands over the prickles at the back of his undercut before gripping his longer hair and pushing his head down.

He growled before starting to lick. He didn’t have to worry about me trying to hold back the sounds I was making, because I couldn’t control them even if I tried. I pulled on his hair and pushed his head, angling it the way that I liked the best. He eventually slid his hands under my sweaty legs and wrapped his arms around my thighs. I whined and whimpered as he licked and sucked harder. He moved down and slid his tongue inside me, moving it around and tickling me. He couldn’t get very far into me, and I whined for him to put something bigger in me. I wanted to feel him all the way inside me.

“Levi!” I cried out, tugging on his hair harder. I hoped he understood that I was impatient to have more. He did understand because he pulled his tongue out of me and lapped his way up to my clit. He kissed it a few times, and my head went back. I could feel my heart beat in my clit and I knew from the way I was clenching and fluttering that I was about to cum. He flicked his tongue over my clit a few times, I jerked my hips each time he did it. I pushed head down further, right on edge, and growled when he didn’t do anything.

“Levi!” I hissed. He pushed back against my hands until he had enough room to comfortably speak.

“I think I’ll just let you calm down-“ He started.

“The fuck you say!” I tugged at his hair.

“What? You want to orgasm for me, Eren?”

“Yes! Stop teasing! Please, Levi, please! Please, make me orgasm!” I lifted my hips up to his face since he wouldn’t move down. His arms around my legs moved to my lower back and held me up to his face. He slipped his tongue back inside of me and I cried out. If he didn’t move back up to my clit soon I was going to let him go and do it myself. I growled and tugged up on his hair. He understood because he started sucking on my clit again. It didn’t take longer before I lost it. He kissed on my clit while I orgasmed and screamed.

It was the first orgasm I had had while my back wasn’t firmly planted on the bed. Instead of my whole body trembling, my legs shook badly. My thighs had squeezed him wildly and my feet shook against his back. The pleasure took over my mind for a few moments before I relaxed against his hands, melting. He slid me back down to the bed and I felt the sweat on my back spread over the already soaked sheets.

I opened my eyes. I looked at him and saw his pupils dilated, his hair wild, and my wetness smeared all over his mouth. He brought the back of his arm up and wiped his mouth on it, but he missed a corner of his lips.  He kept his lips parted and we both panted. I saw his eyes trail down my shaking body and I did the same to his. He was covered in sweat, but he had never looked more attractive to me. Maybe it was the way his muscles stood out against his skin, the way his precum was smeared over the head of his cock, or just the knowledge that he would soon be using those muscles to slam that cock inside me that made him so attractive right now.

The air was thick with our pants and sexual tension between us. He slowly leaned back down to me and I bent my legs and put them on either side of his body. His hands rested near my sides and I stroked his face. I leaned up and licked the bit of my wetness he had missed off of his mouth. He turned his head toward me a little more and I kissed him. I moved my tongue deep inside of his mouth to taste myself and he let me. He pulled back a bit and I rested down on the pillow. He reached down between us and placed his tip at my entrance.

“Ready?” He said, looking down at me.

“Yeah.” I said. I gulped. He pushed in a little bit and I tensed up.

“Take a deep breath, and when I tell you to, release it slowly.” He said.

“Okay.” I didn’t know quite what he was doing but I trusted him. I took a deep breath. He waited at few moments.

“Really slowly release it.”

I blew out the breath slowly while he pushed in. By the time he got fully inside of me, the breath had turned into a moan. I tensed and felt how big and hard he was inside me.

“You’re squeezing me,” He said shakily, moving his hand back to my side.

“Is that bad?” I whispered. I don’t know why I did it, it just felt natural.

“No, Eren, just maybe not squeeze me right now?” He said and his shoulders trembled a bit. I ran my hands up his arms and wrapped my arms around him. He turned his head to kiss my arm.

He backed his hips up slowly, and I whined. My focus centered on my lower body and the tingles that shot through me. He slowly pushed back in, and it was smoother this time. I moaned for him and gave his shoulders an encouraging scratch. He started to rock gently, and I felt my pleasure increase. I was beginning to feel my heart beat in my clit again, and I pushed my hips up against him. His head bent down lower and I heard his breathing pick up. He started moving faster and I pushed my hips up to him faster.

“Levi,” I whined. “Please.” I could feel him sliding deep inside me, but it wasn’t enough.

“Eren,” He growled, raising his head to look at me. His pupils were bigger than I had ever seen them, and his eyelids were heavy. His hair was stuck to his sweaty forehead and his lips were parted with a little line of saliva between them.

“Please!” I whined again. I dug my nails into his back, hard.

“What do you need?” He said to me huskily.

“Harder!” I cried, moving my hips into his wildly. “More! Fuck me!”

He stopped moving and I groaned in disappointment. He grabbed my body and roughly man handled me onto my stomach. He pulled my hips up and I figured out what he was doing. I spread my legs wider and arched my back for him. He grabbed my hips and pushed inside me once more. He pulled out and I experimentally pushed back onto to him. It was a lot easier for me to fuck him back now. He groaned and I shivered at the sound. He wasn’t very vocal, so when he did make noise, I savored every second of it.

I rocked forward and then back again onto him. I mentally cringed at the way my chest swayed, but he made the sexiest little groans that I kept going. He brought his hands up to my hips and started pulling me onto him while thrusting. He fucked me faster and faster until the sound of skin hitting skin filled the room loudly. I dug my hands into the bed and screamed. He brought one of his hands back and smack my outer thigh, hard. I squeezed him when he did that. He smacked me a few more times and I felt excitement pulse through me. Who knew getting smacked was so fucking sexy?

He leaned over me a bit and grabbed my hair. He pulled my head back hard and I screamed. He moved his hand to my shoulder and pulled. I lifted my upper body up more and when I was at the angle he wanted, he moved his hand back to pulling my hair.

“Eren,” He said to me, “rub your clit for me.”

My brain was foggy and I had trouble process what he was saying. His other hand came off my hip to smack my thigh a couple times.

“Now.” He growled, thrusting sharply into me. I reached a shaking hand between my legs, and after some fumbling, I rubbed my clit for him. My moans got louder as I rubbed and I was squeezing him. I could hear the sloppy, wet noises I was making and I knew I must be getting closer.

“Eren!” He cried out and could tell from his voice that he was getting closer, too.

“Smack me!” I begged him. I rubbed my clit harder, wanting to orgasm with him inside me. He smacked me hard over and over, and I whined.

“Levi! I-I’m gonna-“ I gasped out.

“You fucking better.” He said, smacking me.

He slid his arm from my thigh to around my stomach. He pulled roughly, pushing my body against him. He slid in deeper at this angle, and I moaned for him. I could feel the sweat from the front of his body mix with the sweat from the back of my body. He brought his hand down from my hair and held me against him roughly. He stayed still inside me while he replaced my hand with his own. His other hand moved up and roughly played with my chest.

“Orgasm, now, Eren. Right now.” He rubbed hard and I squeezed him hard, fluttering around him. I tried to move away, but he held me steady. It didn’t take long before I was right on edge. He pulled my nipple hard and I screamed. I squirmed all around on his dick, shaking in bliss. I orgasmed hard, held in his arms.

 He let me go and fell back onto the bed. I didn’t hold myself up on all fours, but kept my chest pressed flat against the bed. I was too shakey to hold myself up. I panted into the sweaty pillow. He slid his hands back onto my hips. I remembered then that he had yet to cum inside me. He started moving again and I screamed. It was pleasurable, but not nearly as pleasurable as it was pre-orgasm. I still liked it, and encouraged him with some moans. He leaned over me and fucked hard for a couple minutes. His sweat fell onto me and I got a strange sense of satisfaction because of it.

He made the sexiest noise when he came. It was a low scream mixed with a groan and it fit the feeling of his hot cum filling me up nicely. He pulled out after he was done, and collapsed next to me on his side. I held my hips in the position and felt the cum slide down deeper. I smiled into the pillow. Levi had just cum inside me. I slid my legs back down so I was lying on my stomach. His cum started leaking out and I missed it.

He reached over and laid a hand on my sweaty back. I took the hint and rolled over onto my back. He looked me up and down.

“You okay?” He said in between pants. He reached down and rubbed the red spot on my thigh where he had smacked.

“Yeah. You okay?” I asked him.

“Yeah.” He slid forward a little and rested his head on my chest while he tried to calm down. His other hand moved up and rested on the other swell of my chest. I felt my dysphoria flare up and tried to swallow it back down. He was my lover and I wanted him to be able to touch my chest. It was only flaring up like this because he had been playing with my chest so much recently. I knew part of it was his desire to play with my nipples, but I also wondered if maybe he liked _breasts._

I cringed at the word. I knew logically that technically what was on my body were _breasts,_ but I hated calling them that. Not that I hated breasts; I would even go so far as to say that on other people, breasts could be aesthetically pleasing and/or attractive. Keywords being: _other people._

I hated my own breasts. Levi had been touching them so much lately, and here he was cuddling with them. I waited until his breathing had calmed down before I asked him.

“Levi, do you like breasts?”

He stiffened. He rolled over onto his back and off of me.

“Sorry.” He whispered.

“No, no… I just want to know if you like breasts.” I reached out my hand and found his own. He squeeze it gently.

“I like your breasts.” He said quietly.

“Oh.” I said. I didn’t know what to make of that. It hurt me a bit that he said breast instead of chest when I had asked him not to, but I pushed it down.

“Did I do something wrong?” He asked.

“You’ve just been… um… really handsy with my chest.”

“I’ll stop.” He whispered.

“No… just maybe calm down a bit?” I phrased it like a question. I felt so needy asking him to do this.

“Do you need your binder?” He asked, sitting up and pulling the blanket over me. He covered my chest up and I felt better. How did he know to do that?

“How are you so in tune with my needs? Seriously?” I asked him, stroking his face.

“It seems pretty logical to me. You feel unsafe when you don’t have access to your binder; therefore, your binder must make you feel safe. You feel bad about your chest right now so you need your binder and then you’ll feel safe again.” He explained.

“You’re good at piecing things together like that.” I said to him.

He looked away. “Not really. I’m good with concrete things, like the binder. It exists; you can touch it. I can bring it to you if you need it. When you need something like reassurance or love or empathy or some other shitty emotion like that, I become real lost real quick.”

“You’re wrong.” I smiled at him. “When you do things like bring me my binder, you are showing love and taking care of me.”

He tilted his head to the side.

“Like how when I do something concrete, like clean, I’m not thinking of the cleaning, I’m thinking of you.”

“You think about me when you do this shitty cleaning job?” He waved a hand around the room.

“Levi!” I smacked his shoulder. He rubbed at it where I had smacked him. The smack must have reminded him of what we had just done because he started getting up.

“Eren, beautiful boy, I’ll be right back.” He pulled on his pants.

“Going to get stuff to clean us up?” I asked.

“Yeah. You stay right there and try not to sit up. God only knows how much cum I shot in you.” He said and walked out casually. I squirmed and felt my cum slicked thighs move against each other. I allowed myself for one minute to picture what it would be like if I got pregnant.

 _“I’m not father material.”_ Bullshit.

He would be the best daddy. He would be so devoted to his family and taking care of them. He was a gruff, seemingly cold man, but he protected and cared for his loved ones. I could see him teaching the kids how to clean properly, making sure their little bandanas were tied correctly. He would make little mops and brooms so they wouldn’t have to use the big ones. He would do the work of course, but I’m sure the kids would love helping daddy Levi. I smiled at my thoughts.

He came back while I was still thinking. He had a wet washcloth in one hand and a glass of water in the other. Across his shoulders was a couple towels.

“Grab one and slip it underneath you before you sit up, Eren” he instructed. I grabbed the end of a towel and pulled it over to me. I slipped it underneath my hips and sat up. I was glad for the towel as I felt the sticky mess run out of me.

He handed me the water.

“Drink.” He said. I finished about half the glass before handing it back. He drunk the rest before setting the glass down on the dresser.

He pulled off the blanket and quickly used the towels, both wet and dry, to clean up most of his cum. He threw the towels on the floor, stripped out of his pants, and pulled some lotion out from his nightstand before sliding back into bed. He squeezed some into his hands and warmed it up. He rubbed it on my thighs and massaged the placed where he had smacked me.

“Does it hurt?” He asked.

“It's sore. I’m sure it hurts no worse than the marks on your back.” I said.

“Shower?” He asked as he kept massaging the red spots, though they had quit hurting by now.

“Yes.” I leaned over and kissed him.

More and more cum leaked out of me on the way to shower. There was so much in me.

I thought again about what would happen if I got pregnant.

 _Well… if we keep up like this, it’ll happen in no time._ I wondered how long Hanje would be with my birth control.


	11. Good Enough

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> eren deals with bottom dsyphoria and boyfriend rin/rei (he goes by both) is in the chapter as an extra. Hope you like your one line, boyfriend rin/rei, because you will not be appearing again.

Eren POV

“Alright, there will be a little prick,” Hanje pressed the needle into my skin.

“That’s what she said.” I whispered, ignoring the pain. Hanje’s lips twitched and they drew my blood. They turned to grab a bandage and by the time they had turned back around, I had healed.

“Amazing!” They cooed. They looked all around my arm and poked at the place where I had healed. I started to grow uncomfortable under their intense gaze and I shifted nervously.

“So… how does this work from here?” I asked them. They let me go and sat back in their seat.

“I’ll examine your blood and run a few tests. I may have to examine you, though.” They pushed their glasses up and looked hard at me. “If I need to do that, could I?”

“What do you mean?” I hated the word examine. Nothing good could ever come from it.

“If I needed to examine your reproductive system, would that be possible?”

“No!” My hands flew up to my face. “No! You can’t see that!”

“I wouldn’t hurt you, Eren, and it wouldn’t even be sexual. It’s purely medical and scientific, I promise.”

“No!”

“Is this about you being shy?” They paused. “Or is this about your dysphoria?”

“Guess,” I hissed. It about 99% my dysphoria and 1% me being shy.

They nodded. “I’ll try to avoid it then.”

I didn’t comment. They looked over the notes they had been jotting down and then looked at the tube of my blood.

“I think that’ll be all, Eren. You’re dismissed.” They smiled at me and stood up.

“Wait, how long will this take?” I wasn’t too happy about the idea of keeping my hands off Levi.

“I really don’t know. If everything goes well, about a month, I guess.”

I frowned. A whole month.

“Aw, cheer up, buttercup. It’s not that bad.” They patted my shoulder.

“Says you. You don’t have to sleep so close to something you can’t have. Especially since that thing you can’t have is the _best thing in existence_.” I scowled at stood up.

“Well, I mean you can still take Levi’s dick. Just not vaginally.” They tilted their head. “Do we need to have a sex ed talk about anal?”

“Hanje!” I covered my blushing cheeks with my hands.

“Do we? Because anal is quite fun.” They smiled at me and then bent down to their desk. “Basically just make sure you have lots of prep and take it slow, Eren. Start with his fingers and then work your way up.”

They rummaged around for a bit and then pulled out a little tube. They handed it to me.

“Have fun with that.” They winked at me.

I stood there speechless. I didn’t know exactly what to do. I was dismissed but I felt like there was something else we needed to talk about. I shuffled on my feet.

“Unless you want Levi’s babies right now…” They trailed off.

“I-I don’t know. I want Levi’s babies, but I don’t think this is the right time. I mean, with the war and all…”

They gave me a sympathetic look. “Eren, I get that, but babies are born in war time just as they are born during peace time. Think about it, Eren, if everyone waited until humanity was at peace before having babies, the human race would be long gone by now.”

“You just want titan babies to study.” I grumbled.

“That’s not true!” They huffed. “Not entirely true, anyway. I want Levi to be happy for once in his miserable little gay life. You make him happy. A family is something he has never even considered before, and you can give that to him. Just…talk to him. Do what makes you two happy. If you do have a baby, we _will_ figure something out.”

“Hanje... I just don’t know what to say.” I looked up at my friend. Their friendship was such a gift to me.

“Hell, I wouldn’t be surprised if Erwin makes a day care center in his office.” They snorted. “He may seem like a real hard ass, but he would just melt all over Levi’s babies. Imagine him playing peek-a-boo with your tiny, little, Levi level short baby. Cause it would happen.”

“I would be daddy. Levi would be papa.” I smiled at them.

“Hell yeah you would.” They clapped me on the back. “Alright, you get back to work.”

“Alright!” 

I left Hanje then and walked back down to the field where I had been assigned to help the next round of trainees. After the graduation ceremony, the next class started almost immediately. The last group of graduates had the _absolute honor_ of showing these new kids how to put on their belts, much like we had the _absolute honor_ of cleaning the wall. I hated this duty, but Mikasa and Armin and the rest of my friends were all out here with a group of kids, most of whom would not make it.

Armin and Mikasa had taken 9 trainees instead of 6 to make up for my absence while I was in Hanje’s and they were relieved to see me come back. Armin called out to three kids who looked like they were just wrestling instead of working and sent them with me. Great. Mikasa gave me three kids, saying they were the quietest and smartest out of the bunch she had. So I had Armin’s worst and Mikasa’s best. Great combination.  I looked across the field. No one was doing any better.

I sat in the field with my kids around me and I listened to the new kids talk while untangling a ball of belts. I fucking hated this.

“This is literally bullshit.” I heard one l with very long hair grumble. I wondered how they would take having to cut it off.

“Gomi, it can not be literal bullshit because-“ A boy much taller than them teased them.

“I swear to god, I will kick your ass.” They approached him with a belt in their hand and raised it to smack him. Fucking trainees are already going at it like Jean and I. I was about to yell at them when someone else did for me.

“No kicking my boyfriend’s ass.” A very small boy with messy hair stepped in between them.

I looked at them and smiled. It seemed I had some queer kids in my group.

“I’m allowed to fucking kick my brother’s ass if I fucking want to, Rin, you literal asshole.” They growled at the littlest boy, Rin. I had a feeling they had a real bad attitude.

“How am I literally an asshole? I have legs, and arms!” Rin waved his arms around in front of the little Gomi and the tall boy just laughed. They didn’t seem interested in learning how to put on belts at all. I had left these three with Armin. I bet he had a hell of time with them.

I listened in on Mikasa’s three. They were talking about the science behind breeding dragons. I stopped listening. I didn’t even want to know. I finally got most of the belts untangled and decided that now I could show them.

The lesson took hours. By the time dinner rolled around to take me from this misery, I had their frustrated growls ringing in my ears. I thought about the little one with long hair. They had cussed every other word. It had been so long since I had heard so many cuss words.

I grabbed my food sat next to Levi at the officer table. I leaned over and nuzzled his neck. Erwin snapped at me until I picked my head up and looked at him.

“No,” Erwin said. “We need to keep your relationship secret.”

“Okay.” I pouted. I started to eat my stew when I felt Levi’s hand curl around mine under the table. I looked over at him. He was drinking his tea and just listening to Hanje prattle on with a bored look on his face. Only I knew he was being affectionate. I blushed and quietly ate.

“How’s the newest group of trainees looking?” Erwin asked me.

“They look good!” I said, because I didn’t know anything else to say. It wasn’t even guaranteed that the group I had been with today would make it through training.

“Did you have time to talk up the Scouts? We really need a steady flow of new soldiers.” He gave me a pointed look.

“Oh! No, sir! I didn’t know I was supposed to! I’m sorry! I’ll definitely be sure to-“ I started tripping all over myself. But stopped when Levi squeezed me hand.

“It’s okay, Eren! I don’t mean to push you, but if you do have a chance to mention some good things-“Erwin started.

“Old man, leave his shit alone.” Levi said without any emotion in his voice.

“Old man?” Erwin asked with a smirk. “You’re not so young yourself, Levi.”

Levi rolled his eyes. I took a bite of my bread and chewed on it so I wouldn’t say something stupid.

“I mean,” Erwin smiled, leaning forward, “it’s not like I’m the one who wants to impregnate a young boy.”

I choked on my bread and Levi had to beat his fist on my back. I coughed and wheezed and hacked while Levi hissed insults at Erwin. I looked around the table at Levi’s squad. No one look surprised, and I knew someone outted me to them. I tried to remain calm. How many more people knew now? When had they been told? Who told them?

“So, Levi does want Eren’s kids.” Hanje snorted. I looked at him wide eyed. He glared at Erwin without saying a word.

“What?” I squeaked. I looked back and forth between Levi’s glaring at Erwin and Erwin’s smirking at Levi.

“Babies would be so cute.” Petra leaned forward and butted into the conversation. I looked down at the table and wished Levi would hold my hand again.

“How would we take care of a baby while working?” Mike asked.

“’We’? Obviously it would be Eren and Levi’s burden to bear.” Olou leaned in.

“We would all take care of the baby! We would all love and support the baby!” Petra smiled.

I gulped and crossed my arms over my chest to hug myself. I was uncomfortable. This was too personal too fast. Levi stood up suddenly and brushed out of the room. An uncomfortable silence fell over the table.

“Oh no, Mr. Grumpy is grumping again,” Hanje said. I sat and squeezed my shoulders. I knew they were all looking at me. Petra got up and sat next to me.

“Hey, doll,” She rubbed on my back. I knew she was trying to be comforting, but her hands on my back made me paranoid that she could feel my binder. I winced away and she dropped her hand.

“Who told you?” I asked her. I saw her auburn hair flip in my peripheral and I looked up at her. She was staring hard at Erwin.

“Did he not give you permission to tell us?” Petra asked Erwin. At least she was using my correct pronouns and everyone else seemed to be accepting, too. I was just so pissed at Erwin. I snapped.

“No! I never gave him permission to tell everyone!” I stood up and put my hands on the table and hissed at Erwin.

“Eren!” Petra scrambled to stand behind me and pull on my shoulder.

“I didn’t tell everyone, just all those who I thought needed to know.” Erwin stood up and walked around the table to me. I didn’t move. He pulled on my other shoulder and Petra let me go. I didn’t look at him, clenching my jaw and glaring at the ground.

“Eren.” He said softly. “I’m sorry if I upset you.”

I jerked my shoulder out from under his hand and turned on my heel. I went off in a huff and didn’t stop until I was in our room.

“Erwin told them!” I yelled as I slammed the door. Levi was sitting on his bed with his legs crossed. He had already taken off his skirt and jacket.

“He told my squad and Mike and Nanaba. Hanje and Mike’s squad don’t know, though.” He murmured.

“Did you know he was going to tell them?” I asked him.  I didn’t want to even think about Levi knowing I was going to be outted and not doing anything.

“He told me after he told them.” He spat. “It was earlier today while you were with those brats on the field.”

“I-I feel so- so –so,” I started, tugging on my hair.

“Betrayed? Yeah.” He scowled. I let go of my hair and looked curiously at him.

“Levi?” I asked him.

“I didn’t think he would so casually tease me about what I told him.” He kept his head low, picking at some nonexistent threads in his cravat.

What he told him? I thought back to what Erwin had said and gasped.

“You want kids?” I asked him. He looked up sharply at me.

“I don’t know. I had never even thought about it before. Back when I first discovered I was gay, I thought I wouldn’t be able to ever have kids because-“

“You never considered being with a trans person? With a man with a vagina?” I walked toward him.

“Yeah.”

“Does it bother you that I’m a man with a vagina?” I asked quietly. He jerked his back up straight and glared at me.

“Don’t ask questions you already know that answer to. It wastes time and muddles communication. You know I love you, no matter what is between your legs.” He said gruffly.

I swallowed hard. I knew we needed to talk about everything, but I didn’t want to do it like this. I didn’t like that we were both fully dressed and oh so far apart. I wanted to have this conversation curled up naked in his arms. The image of that reminded me of my morning meeting with Hanje.

“Oh! Hanje took my blood today.” I said. He furrowed his brows.

“For the birth control. They said that if all went well, they could have it done in about a month.” I explained. He nodded. I tried not to think about the little tube in pocket of my pants hidden under my skirt.

“So, um, no sex for a month, huh? Think you can keep your hands off of me?” I joked, shifting from one foot to the other in front of the bed.

“I won’t ever touch you if you don’t want it, Eren.” He reached a pale hand out and patted the bed beside him. It was the invitation I had been waiting for. I stripped off my boots and placed them beside his before climbing into his bed and sitting cross legged against the wall like him.

“That’s not what I mean…I’m talking about how it will be a challenge to keep your hands off of me _because_ I want you to put them on me.”

“Oh? You want me to fuck you again?” He reached his hand out and held mine like he had done under the table.

“Shut up!” I blushed and looked away from him. “You know I do!”

“That can be arranged.” He shifted onto his knees and then slid over my lap. He kept in the kneeling positon and I had to tilt my head up to reach him for once. He kissed me sweetly and stroked my face.

I pulled back. “We really can’t.”

He frowned.

“I mean, I want you, too, but the more we do it the higher the chance of me getting pregnant is…I, uh, don’t think we’ve reached an agreement on that, yet. But, um, Hanje, uh, mentioned something to me.” I turned my head away from him and closed my eyes tight.

He took it as an opportunity to kiss and nip at my neck. I straightened my legs out underneath him and rested my hands on his hips.

“What was it Hanje said?” He purred as he licked the shell of my ear. I twisted my face up and tried to remain calm despite the tingles that shot through me.

“They, um- It’s more like they suggested something.” I whispered and he brought his hands up to start unbuttoning his shirt.

“Go on…” He leaned back and pulled his cravat out of his collar so he could shrug the shirt off. I took in the sight of his toned shoulders and slender neck. His cravat hung a little loose and I wondered if he would wear it and only it if I asked.

“I, uh,” I stuttered as I tried to think of a way to ask him to fuck me in the ass. He started kissing my neck again and I let myself feel his shoulders. He was right. I fucking loved shoulders.

“Th-They, um, suggested that we have sex without me getting pregnant.” I whispered. He nodded into my neck and ran his nose up and down my skin, leaving kisses in key spots. I was sure I was red all the way down my neck by now.

“You know I am a gay man, Eren. I assure you, I know all about ass fucking.” He murmured into my ear.

I squirmed as he ran his hands up my sides under my shirt. I thought about his being gay and what he said when we first got together about me being the first transman he had ever been with. All the rest of his boyfriends had penises then, and I suddenly felt very inadequate. I wondered if he liked to be fucked by them.

I gulped and grew stiff even under his gentle touches. He would never get to jack me off because I didn’t have a penis. He would never get to give me a blowjob because I didn’t have a penis. He would never get to be fucked by my penis because I didn’t have a penis. He would never get to tease me about my morning wood because I didn’t have a penis. He would never get to feel my cum all over him or taste my sperm because I didn’t have a penis. He would never get to do so many fun things with me. Because I didn’t have a penis.

He sensed my mood shift and felt me get tense. “Eren?”

I didn’t respond. I was getting caught up in yet another whirlwind of dysphoria.

What if he loved dick and he was sad I didn’t have one? Was he disappointed? Was he regretting our relationship? Was I a good enough partner? Was he unsatisfied with our relationship and our sex because I didn’t have a penis? Was I as good as his past boyfriends?

“Eren? Hey, we don’t have to do anything. Don’t stress, Eren.” He stopped kissing me and sat down in my lap so he was just right height to curl into my chest. But he couldn’t. Because I disliked having my chest touched. Another thing he had limits on. I clenched my jaw tight and tried not to panic. I squeezed his hips roughly.

“Eren, we don’t even have to try anal. Please, calm down, Eren.” He shifted in my lap. I was hit by another thing he would never get to do. He would never get to feel my bulge press against him when we sat so close. Because I would never have a bulge. Because. I. Didn’t. Have. A. Penis.

Of course I would never compare to his past boyfriends. Those were cis men who he could play with without limitations. They never had to worry about getting pregnant. Levi never had to work around dysphoria with them. I lowered my head to my chest. I felt like I was holding him back. I wasn’t adequate and I sure as hell couldn’t compare to the other men he had been with. 

“Eren, please say something to me.” He pleaded with me and I felt his hands comb through my hair and try to pick up my head.

“I-I-I don’t,” I stammered out, holding my eyes shut tight. I swallowed against the tears that were threatening to come out. How many fucking times have I cried over not having a dick? I hated it.

“You don’t? What, Eren? Please, tell me. You don’t want to try anal? That’s completely fine. Eren, beautiful b-“

“I don’t have a penis!” I growled, jerking my head up and snapping my eyes open. He looked shocked for a second before pressing his hands onto my shoulder.

“Okay?” He prompted.

“Okay? Okay! That’s it? I’m just- I’m just _not good enough_.” I said. His eyes widened.

“Eren-“

“I’ll never be as good or as satisfying as your ex-boyfriends! I’ll never be able to take you the way they could! I’ll never be able to ram my dick into your prostate and I’ll never be able to fill you up with cum and I’ll never be able-“ I started to cry. I reached one hand up and covered my mouth to stifle my cries.

“Eren, you need to listen to me.” He said harshly, pushing my shoulders hard against the wall. “ _You are enough_. You are more than enough, actually. Yeah, you don’t have a dick. Yeah, you can’t do certain things with me because of it, but, hey, you can do things that they couldn’t either.”

“But-but surely I’m not as good as them sexually. I mean, you didn’t have to worry about them freaking out because you played with their chest too long or-“ I started. He cut me off with a kiss. It was just a peck, but it was firm.

“You are very good in bed, you silly brat. You need me to talk about all the things I love about fucking you?” He leaned in and whispered in my ear. “Because I will.”

I wrapped my arms around his back and pulled him close to me. “I wouldn’t believe you if you did.”

“Eren,” he sighed. “I love you and I love your vagina. Case closed. No. There wasn’t even a case to begin with. I love you and I love your vagina. Done. That’s it.”

“But your ex-boyfriends had _penises_ , Levi. They were _cis._ ” I said, then added in a quieter voice, “I would do anything to be cis.”

“ _Brat._ ” He growled. “Where the fuck am I right now?” He pulled back and grabbed my head with both hands, holding it so I was looking right at him.

“You’re in your room?” I guessed, looking around him as much as I could without turning my head against his strong hands.

“No. I’m in our room. I’m in our room in one of our beds. Most importantly, I’m in your lap. Yours. You. Eren fucking Yeager. My titan brat. If I wanted to be with one of my ex- boyfriends, I would be there. I want you, beautiful brat boy.” He looked deep into my eyes. “Understand?”

“I-I think so. Am I really as satisfying as them?” I asked.

He sighed. He let go of my head and leaned into my neck. He rested his lips right near my ear and let his hands wander all over my body.

“I love the noises you make when I fuck you. I don’t just mean the little whimpers and the moans you make, I mean all the squishy, wet noises you make, too. I _love_ that.”

“Levi!” I squeaked. God, I had heard my own sloppy, wet noises and I hated them. To me, they were gross, but Levi liked them.

“I like how warm you are inside and how you buck your hips up to meet mine. You like it deep.” He grabbed my wrists and held them against the wall. I started getting hot swirls of arousal and the feeling started to erase away my previous worry.

“I _love_ eating you out. I love the way you taste and how your wetness just slides so easily over my tongue. I love the way you squeeze you thighs around my head and push my head down and just _bury_ in your wonderful wetness. I love the way you flutter all around me when you orgasm. ” He purred and I had to admit that hearing him talk like this was helping.

“I know you don’t like them, but I like your chest.” He paused. I braced myself for whatever he was about to say next. I really didn’t like hearing him talk about it, but I would let him tell me if he wanted to.

“I like how soft they are and how they fit perfectly into my hands.” He let go of one of my wrists and I was scared he was going to demonstrate how well I fit into his hand before he put his arm behind me and hugged me close.

“I love the way you look when I fuck you. You look so good, just drenched in sweat and shaking. I like the way you tilt your head back and the way you arch your back up and the way your chest bounces more and more the rougher I get and-“

“Stop.” I said, using my free hand to push against his shoulder. He pulled back from me and looked up in worry.

“Please, please, please, _please_ don’t ever mention how my chest bounces when you fuck me ever again.” I begged him, holding his gaze pleadingly. I knew it bounced. I could feel it and see it. I hated it. I didn’t need him to remind me of it. Now every time we were fucking, I would be thinking about how much my chest was bouncing.

“Shit. I’m sorry, Eren. I should have known better. I just wanted to express how much I liked your body, and I mean all of it. Shit, I didn’t mean to hurt you. Shit.” He moved off of me and sat beside me. “I just keep fucking this up. I’m sorry, Eren.”

I crossed my arms over my chest and pulled my legs up. We were quiet for a few minutes. The air was thick with tension and awkwardness. I figured this fell into the ‘emotional’ category he told me he wasn’t good with.

“Do you need me to leave?” He whispered.

“If that’s what you wanna do.” I whispered back. I tipped my head back and rested it against the wall. I didn’t know what to do if he left.

“It’s not what I wanna do.”

“Okay.” I said. I wiped my face with the back of my sleeve before covering up my chest once more. We sat in silence for a few minutes.

“I’m such a fuck-up.” He whispered, more to himself than to me.

“Levi,” I whined. I hated this awkward feeling. He got up and stood in front of me. I tried not to be distracted by the way his shirtless body looked.

“Look, Eren, how about we start this conversation over? We can get into our pajamas and lay comfortably together and just talk.”

I tried to smile at him. “Yeah. Okay.”

He relaxed a little and pulled out his pajama pants. He tugged on his cravat and pulled it off to lay it next to his pajama pants on top of the dresser. He put his hands on the button of his pants before I cleared my throat. He looked over at me and then focused on the way I clutched at my chest still. He let go of the button and walked back over to the bed, grabbing his shirt. He slipped it on as he talked.

“I’ll go get some water for us and tell the others that we’re turning in early tonight.” He pulled on his boots and walked out of the door. I knew he didn’t need to tell them. They wouldn’t bother us after what happened at the table. I knew we didn’t need water, either. He was just using it an excuse to give me some time alone to change. I tucked Hanje’s present away under my shirts before I undressed.

I undressed slowly, not wanting to take my binder off, but figuring I should anyway. I would likely be talking in Levi’s arms for a while until we either fell asleep or had sex. Either way, I would need my binder off. I left my active binder on though, not wanting to have my chest unrestrained. I pulled on the big green sleep shirt I stole from Erwin and a loose pair of black boxers. I moved the pillows and blankets from my bed over to his since we would be there tonight. I was just adjusting them for maximum comfort when he knocked.

I almost felt bad, making him knock at his own damn door. I did appreciate it, though. He was trying his best to take care of me.

I opened the door and he came in with a glass of water. He offered it to me and I took a sip.

“Thanks.” I said to him as looked over my outfit.

“You’re welcome. Do you mind if I change in here?” He asked. I shook my head no and I placed the water on the nightstand before I sat on the comfy bed to watch him undress. He pulled off his boots and shirt again before realizing I was staring at him.

“I remember the first time I changed in here. You were so shy. You covered your eyes and insisted you wouldn’t look. Now look at you, shamelessly staring at me.” He chuckled.

“I was worried I would want what I couldn’t have.” I smiled at him. He undid his pants and pulled them off quickly. He held them up and folded them before putting them on the dresser. He peeked at me to make sure I was watching before he hooked his thumbs under his boxer briefs. I gulped.

He pulled them down slowly, revealing his body to me bit by bit. I saw the trail of black hair that ran down from his belly button get bigger and bigger before I saw his pubic hair and the thick base of his penis. My cheeks grew hot as I remembered the way he felt inside of me. I flashed my eyes up to his face and saw him smirking. I stuck my tongue out at him. That fucker knew exactly what he was doing.

He snickered and pulled his underwear all the way off. I kept my eyes unashamedly glued to his penis. It was pretty even when it wasn’t hard. I did prefer it hard, though, I licked my lips thinking about it.

“Whatcha thinking about, naughty boy?” He teased as he pulled his pajama pants up his legs.

“Like you don’t know.” I shot back. He started walking over to the bed and I got settled in my usual position. He slid in beside me and soon he was spooning me.

He stroked my sides over my shirt and I relaxed into him.

“What should we discuss first?” He asked.

“How about we skip the talking and just fuck?”

“Eren,” he sighed. “You know we can’t.”

“We can.” I said to him. “I want you to fuck me in the ass, Levi.”

He stiffened. His hand paused on my waist. “You don’t have to do that, Eren.”

“I know. I want to.” I pulled reached down and pulled his hand up to face and nuzzled it.

“You sure? You didn’t have a good reaction when we talked about it earlier.” He sounded worried.

“That reaction wasn’t because I don’t want to try anal, it was because I was- ugh, Look, Levi, I was just having a bad moment of dysphoria.” I kissed his palm and left little pecks on each of his fingertips.

“I made it a whole lot worse with the, er, comment I made?” He made it sound like a question.

“That definitely didn’t help. The reaction I had earlier was based mainly on bottom dysphoria. I don’t get caught up in it as much as I do my chest dysphoria, but when I do… It’s a bit more _intense_ than when I get caught up in chest dysphoria.”

“Can I help?” He asked.

“Not really. It’s worse than the chest dysphoria because I can bind my chest tighter and wear loose shirts and stuff to help cope with it, but for bottom dysphoria… I can’t exactly help it.”  I took a deep breath.

“I-I sometimes stuff things down in my underwear to make a bulge and look in the mirror and sometimes that helps. I used toilet paper when I was little, like how someone might stuff their bra.” I started confessed. I felt kinda dirty about the whole thing, like I should be ashamed of how I relief my dysphoria. It felt okay and like a perfectly acceptable coping skill when I was doing it, but admitting it out loud to Levi made me feel dirty and gross. I let go of his hand in case he wanted to move away from me. He slid his hand down and rubbed soothing circles on my hip.

“I’m so sorry you have dysphoria, Eren. I can’t even imagine it. You are so strong to deal with this, and however you deal with it, its okay.”

“How are you so understanding?” I rolled over and tucked myself into his chest. He held me close.

“Beautiful boy…” he whispered to me. I kissed him, holding us as closely together as I could. He rolled us over and got on top of me.

“Levi,” I whispered to him as I settled my leg on either side of his hips, “I think you ought to educate me about anal now.”

“I can do that,” he growled. Oh boy, I was having fun with the captain tonight.


	12. Brat

Levi POV

The first thing that had to go was his clothes. Naked Eren Yeager was the sexiest thing I had ever seen and I was determined to show him. I was going to worship his body and make him orgasm over and over and when I was done with him, there would be no doubt in his mind who it was that I wanted.

“Can I take off your shirt?” I whispered to him. He looked up at me and bit his lip.

“No comments about how much I bounce?” He asked, and I felt like shit for hurting him.

“No comments whatsoever.” I promised. I kissed him gently to let him know how serious I was.

“Then, yes,” He whispered against my lips. I sat back on my heels and tugged his shirt up. I savored each and every inch of his beautiful tanned skin that was revealed. I let my eyes roam over all the little dips and curves in his stomach where his abs where and used one hand to run my fingertips along his side. I just barely ghosted over the skin but the flesh trembled as he squirmed.

“Levi,” he whined, and I tugged his shirt the rest of the way up. He rose up and allowed me to take it off. I noticed the way he immediately crossed his arms over his active binder and looked away from me. He laid back down and waited to see what I would do next. I needed to distract him from his pain before he got wrapped up in it like before.

“You’re so beautiful,” I said to him as I ran my hands up and down his sides. He shivered and finally let me see his bright green eyes. I felt his flesh begin to goosebump under my gentle fingertips and I spoke to him with a low, lustful whisper. “Let me make love to you.”

“Levi,” he whimpered, “make love to your beautiful boy”

It was different than anything I had ever said to him. This time when I was inside of him, it wasn’t about taking his virginity and fulfilling desire, it was about showing him acceptance and love. I was rough with him last time, but I would make this slow and sweet. I would control myself from pounding into his warmth like my desires commanded me to do every time I brushed my fingers or tongue over his wet slit.

I leaned back down and placed my hands on either side of his hips, letting my lips run over his stomach. I kissed and licked his abs and ran my nose over the hair leading from his belly button to his boxers. He squirmed. I looked up at him through my lashes and saw he was blushing but still holding his chest.

“Relax for me, beautiful boy,” I left kisses all over his stomach and sides, nosing my way up to his ribcage. His breath was starting to come faster now, and I wondered if was getting wet. I stayed there for a few moments, sucking on the skin and waiting to see if he would take his binder off for me. He didn’t. I was moving too fast then.

I slid my arms underneath him and rolled us over. He sat up on top of me and put him hands on my chest. I stopped myself from looking at his chest, knowing that if I did, he would most likely hug himself again. I wanted him to be so comfortable and pleasured that he didn’t need to hug himself before I took him.

“You can be on top if you want,” He said to me. He cocked his head to the side and looked at me with curiosity in his eyes.

“I will be. Trust me, Eren, I will be. Right now, though, I want you to take it as slow as you want.” I ran my hands up his arms and he leaned forward for me. His lips were soft and warm on mine. His breath tickled over my face and I could feel the heat coming from his cheeks. I tangled my hands in his soft, thick hair and tugged on it just enough to make him gasp. I slid my way past his parted lips and stroked his surprised tongue with mine.

He returned the deepened kiss eagerly. I drew my tongue back and bit and he slid his into my mouth. I closed my lips over it gently and gave it a sweet suck. He melted in my arms, resting his weight on me and relaxing into our embrace. We played with each other’s tongues while I let his hair go. I massaged down his back and delighted in the smooth, sweaty feeling of his hot skin.

I worked down his back and to his little ass. I wanted to grab it with both hands and work on it roughly, but I controlled myself. I would not handle his sweetness roughly tonight. I was determined to make love to him in the gentlest way Humanity’s Strongest could. I ran my fingertips over the fabric of his boxers, tickling with skin. It wasn’t enough for him. He arched his back, pressing his ass firmly against my palm. I massaged his ass with both hands and he whimpered and wiggled it. He pressed harder and harder against my hand before I palmed it and slid up his arched spine.

I massaged my way up his back to the edge of his binger and slipped my fingers under the fabric. He froze and I considered pulling my hand away. I left the fingers there, though, just working in circles on his back. He continued to kiss me. I tested the waters by sliding deeper under his binder. I splayed my hand over his back and felt the fabric squeezing my hand to his sweaty skin. Shit. It was really tight under that thing. He gave me a little whimper before he pushed up off my chest.

He pulled away from me and a string of saliva connected us still. It sagged and broke, leaving a line down Eren’s chin. He gave me a smoldering look before trailing a hand down my chest. He pressed his palms into my pecs for a moment before he reached for his binder. He tugged it off awkwardly and then threw it behind him. He sat on me, wrapping his arms around his stomach. I knew he would prefer to wrap them around his chest, but he was letting me look and look I did.

I admired him for a moment and found him to be the most beautiful thing I had ever seen. His face was flushed and his hair was sticking a bit to his forehead and his chocolate locks were messy. He was facing me, allowing me to see how red his well-loved lips were and the shimmer of the saliva still coming out the side of side of his mouth and down his chin, but his eye were directed down and focused on the sheets underneath us. I looked down the gentle slope of his neck and the sharp contrast of his collarbones to the place where I knew his heart would beat. I was so grateful for its beating, and though I wasn’t a man who could easily express him feelings, I was sure mine beat for him.

I was very hesitant in gazing at his chest. I flicked my eyes up to his to see if he was watching my eyes or not. He wasn’t. He uncovered his chest for me and wasn’t hiding it, so I had permission to look all I wanted, but I felt that my looks at his firm, round chest and hard pink nipples were stolen looks, like I was peeking in his window watching him change.

“You can put your binder back on, if you want,” I said to him. His eyes flashed to mine and even in this tense moment, I would have to be a fool not to notice the way the moonlight danced in his emerald eyes as he gazed down at me with love.

“I trust you,” he whispered to me and reached out his shaky hands to grab one of mine. He brought it up to his chest and pressed my palm into his softness. I held his eyes and cupped him for a moment, feeling the heavy warmth in my palm and brushing my thumb over his pebbled nipples, before I slid my hand up to his heart. I pressed over it and he held his hands on top of mine. He dropped his head a bit before whispering to me again.

“I love you.”

“I love you.” I said back to him without hesitation. “Let me see those eyes, beautiful boy.”

He raised his head up and met my eyes. His lips fell open and he breathed heavier as he pulled my hand back down to his chest.

“Touch me.” He commanded, and I obeyed. I brought my other hand up and felt of the soft skin of his chest. I massaged him for a few moments before he moaned softly and let his own hands drop down and rest on my stomach. I let my hands communicate my love for him as I gently touched his chest and ran my hands over his sides and shoulders. It was when I kept one hand massaging his soft chest and ran on down his trembling stomach that I noticed his thighs were starting to squeeze me.

“Can I take those boxers off?” I asked him, reaching up to his face and wiping the saliva off of him. I felt dirty admitting I loved the way our spit looked on his blushing face, but I wanted to feel it on my hands.

“So long as those pants come off, too.” His eyelids were heavy and I could feel him start to rock gently on my erection.

“Eren,” I groaned and he bit his lip, staring at me with lust. Did he like it when I was vocal? I would have to find out. I opened my mouth and let every sound my body wanted to make fall out. I groaned and grunted as he started grinding on top of me in earnest, whimpering my name.

“Levi, Levi, Levi,” he whined to me. I grabbed his hips to still him. My penis was loving his attention, but this was about him. I rolled us back over and slid off the bed. I made quick work of his boxers and then slid my pants off. I kicked them into the corner and was planning on getting back in the bed when his warm hand wrapped around me and started moving.

“Fuck,” I hissed, looking down at Eren. He was moving around, adjusting so he could suck on me.

“Eren, no, not right now,” I stilled his hand on my cock. “This is about you, let me make you cum.”

“I wanna suck, though,” he said, focusing his eyes on my penis.

 I saw him part his lips wide when I tangled my hands in his hair. His pink tongue darted out and licked his lips before he pressed a sloppy kiss to the head. My heart beat practically doubled and I had to swallow down the lump that formed in my throat when he slid me into his mouth. He was so hot and I wanted to buck down his throat, but I didn’t. I didn’t want to hurt him or make this rough. I stroked his hair while he bobbed up and down, his little sucking noises barely audible over the sound of my panting and groaning.

“ _Eren_ ,” I moaned as he put his hands on my thighs and slid me deeper into his throat. I felt him gag and pulled my hips back. He let me go with a _pop_ and my cock stood erect a few inches away from his mouth, another little string of saliva connecting the two.

“Why’d you stop me?” He growled, grabbing the base of my penis and opening his mouth to slide it in again.

“Gentle,” I panted. “We’re being gentle this time.”

“No, rough. Gag me on your hard cock and spank me and push my face down into the bed and fuck me in the ass until I can’t fucking move,” he growled and kissed the head of my penis.

“ _Eren,”_ I groaned. “Gentle.” I stroked his hair as he sucked me back into his mouth. I felt my orgasm curl deep in my lower belly and my control was slipping away. He slid me deep into his hot mouth and hummed around me and I thrust a little. He gagged and I immediately pulled back, but he pushed forward before I pulled all the way out.

“Nnnnnnnggggggg,” My eyes rolled into the back of my head and the last of my control slipped away. He was so hot and he felt so impossibly good. I thrust into his mouth and he gagged and hummed and sucked until I came down his throat. He swallowed it all down greedily, setting back from my cock with a satisfied smirk.

I turned around and collapsed on the bed. I panted hard, and Eren chuckled and ran his hands over my sweaty chest. He climbed back on top of me and purred as he rubbed his wetness over my soft cock.

“Eren, not fair…” I threw my arms over my eyes and tried to calm down. He just chuckled.

“Now go look under my shirts in the top drawer.” He said, sitting back and teasing me by spreading his legs just enough so that I could see his wet slit.

My legs felt like pudding as I walked over to the dresser. I quickly ran hands under the neat stack of clothes, not caring if they got messy. I found the tube easily and immediately knew what it was as I turned it over in my hands.

“Where did you get this?” I asked as I walked back. I turned around to find him with his legs spread wide and his hands stroking lazily at his clit.

“Hanje.” He said, pulling his hand back and sucking on his wet fingers. I set the tube on the bed and kneeled on the floor beside of the bed.

“Levi? What ar- _Mmmmph!_ ,” He moaned as I grabbed him and brought him to the edge of the bed so I could bury my face in his pussy. I kneeled before him and worshipped him.  I didn’t wait for him to push my head down before I started lapping at his flesh. He raised his hips up to my face while his hands grabbed fistfuls of my hairs and shoved my head down. His thighs tightened around my head and he wrapped his legs around my body, digging his heels into my back.

I sucked at his sensitive clit and he screamed my name. I pulled his labia in my mouth and played with them. He shuddered and moaned. I slipped a finger into his hot pussy and he squirmed and whined. Every movement I made brought a reaction from his over sensitive flesh and a sweet noise from his pink lips.

I felt the heaven of Eren on edge for moment then I pulled back. He quivered all over in the most delicious way. Not yet. I wanted to slowly envelope him in pleasure.

“ _Fuck._ ” He said, his back arching up, “ _Please._ ”

“Not yet,” I teased him, glad to feel that my dick was stirring again. I had never been more thankful for my stamina. I would be in him soon.

I sat back and reached for the lube. I opened it up and hushed him as he whimpered over his ruined orgasm. I spread the slick substance all over my fingers before I addressed him.

“Slide down a little more and spread your legs as wide as you can.”

He obeyed, looked at my slick fingers and understanding what was coming.

“Bend your knees and hold your legs open wider with your hands.” I massaged his clit with my non-slick covered hand. He gasped and bucked up to my hand. I pulled it back.

“Come on, naughty boy,” I massaged his thigh with the dry hand and helped him position it correctly. He copied the movements with his other leg and held the shaking limbs with his hands. His wet pussy and tight little asshole were on full display for me. I couldn’t resist leaning down and giving his little untouched ass a few love licks before I brought my fingers up to him.

I moved my fingers all around his tight muscle and felt him tighten.

“Relax, beautiful boy,” I leaned forward and gave his pussy a quick lick. He squirmed, but was distract enough for me to push my finger into the tight muscle.

“Oh, my god!” He called out.

“Hurts?” I said, waiting for him to relax.

“Yes.” He said, but then quickly added, “Don’t stop.”

“Relax, Eren,” I kissed his thighs and licked at his clit. He started to relax and I pushed in up to the next knuckle before he tightened again. I dove into his clit with a new passion when I felt how hot and silky his insides were.

Slowly but surely he started to relax and I moved my finger in and out very gently, just moving from my first knuckle to my second one. I was fucking him so gently while tickling his clit with my tongue so softly that his orgasm creeped up on him.

“ _Levi!_ ” He shuttered, letting go of his legs and arching his back up. He clamped down around my fingers and his legs fell to my shoulder as they shook with the force of his orgasm. I leaned down a bit further and slid my tongue into his wet hole. I loved the feeling of his pussy around my tongue as he orgasmed.

I wasted no time at all. I wanted to be inside of him and now. He panted and I slid my hands up his sweaty thighs and held his legs up like he had before. I set his calves on my shoulders and teased his hole with the head of my penis.

I slid into his pussy slowly, placing one knee on the bed to help me thrust in. He made sweet little moans as I moved in and out slowly. My head lolled back and I groaned as a slow, steady pace was set.

“Harder,” he whined. I looked at his red face and saw the sweat roll down his neck. His hands twisted into the blanket.

“Gentle,” I said, leaning forward more and pressing my forehead against his.

“Rough,” He growled, trying to buck up into my cock, but not being able to because I had him curled up. I was in control of the pace and I was going a slow as I could stand.

“Gentle, Eren,” I moaned. He looked into my eyes and his pupils were so wide that had I not been so close, I wouldn’t be able to see the ring of green around them. He panted and his breath was all over me. My sweat dripped all over his body.

“Rough, please, Levi,” He begged me, “Fuck me hard! Fuck me! Fuck me!”

“You want it rough?” I asked him, my resolve to fuck him gently was quickly crumbling at the sound of his crying for more.

“ _Pound me!”_ He practically shouted. My resolve slipped away.

I thrust wildly, as hard as I could. He screamed, throwing his head back and clawing at the sheets. The sound of skin slapping on skin filled the room and along with sound of his wetness squishing sloppily and our fevered moans.

It didn’t take long at all before I came. I hunched over him with a grunt, filling his warm hole with my cum. I collapsed on top of him, rolling over and laying on the bed. I saw in my peripherals the he slowly set his shaky legs down.

I felt the guilt set in. I was supposed to fuck him so well he would never doubt my affection again, and yet here I was, off to the side while he was unfished. I summoned my last remaining strength and sunk back down to the ground with shaky legs, my knees aching at being on the stone ground again.

“Levi, you don’t have to- _Oh_.” He grabbed my hair and angled my face exactly the way he wanted it. I resumed my previous actions, sucking on his clit and running my tongue along the hood.

“Fucking hell, Levi!” He moaned, then he said something I wasn’t expecting to here, “Put your finger back in.”

If took me a moment to process his request. He bucked against my face and whined, “Please!” when I didn’t react as quickly as he had hoped. I brought my finger back to his hole and found it still slick from all the natural lubricant dripping out of him along with my cum. I pressed into his tight hole again and he was much more relaxed this time. I slid in and out quickly as he grinded on my face. I couldn’t wait to be in his ass. I would have to do more prep sessions before that happened, though. I hummed against his clit. I wouldn’t mind more prep sessions at all.

“More, I’m close!” He screamed, his back arching up. I slipped a second finger into him and pumped them in and out while sucking hard on his clit. His fingernails dug into my scalp and his ass clenched around my fingers when his orgasm overtook him. His sweaty thighs quivers against my shoulders and neck and I felt his little feet curl up against my back.

He screamed like I had never heard before, calling my name. Hos whole body tensed for a moment and then he suddenly relaxed. One of his legs slid off my shoulder and I heard the soft thud as his foot hit the ground. I stood up slowly, collapsing on the bed beside of him with my feet hanging off like him. I looked over at him, shuddering and panting and covered in sweat and cum and decided that maybe dirty wasn’t so bad after all.

We both stayed like that for a while. I felt the characteristic post-fuck tiredness creep up and closed my eyes, swinging my legs up on the bed and laying perpendicular to Eren on his chest. He sighed.

“We need to clean up.” He whispered, squirming underneath me. I rolled over and curled up so I fit on the bed and was facing him. I kept my eyes closed.

“That’s my line.” I whispered back.

“I can feel your cum and my wetness and the lube and whatever else is mixing down there dripping down my leg. Not to mention the sweat.” He put his hands in my sweaty hair and pulled them out to wipe it off on a rare dry patch of sheet to prove his point.

“Shower?” I asked him.

“Can I clean your cum up first? I don’t want to ruin a pair of pants.” He pushed on my chest and I sat up. I knew I had to go get him something to clean up with, but I just wanted to hold him and go to sleep right now.

“Levi, there’s a lot of cum.” He said quietly, not looking me in the eyes.

“I’ll be back in a moment.” I said and I rolled off the bed and slipped back on my pajama pants. I didn’t bother with a shirt as the linen closet was just down the hall a bit and the bathroom was right next to it. The air in the hallway was cold and I wished I was back in Eren’s arms.

I grabbed him two towels, again putting the dry one and around my neck and holding the one I wet in the bathroom in my hand. I walked back into the room and was struck by how much it smelled like sex in here. It was so warm and humid and smelled like cum and his wetness. The air was like a blanket it was so thick… a blanket I wanted to wrap around Eren and myself forever.

I looked for Eren as soon as I got back in the room and hold him with his arms up tangled in his active binder. I took a moment to appreciate his chest bouncing around as he struggled and his embarrassed face before setting the towel down on the bed and helping him.

He adjusted it to exactly the way he wanted it before reaching for the towels. I swatted his hands away and spread his thighs. I cleaned him quickly, admiring the sloppy mess I had made out of his sweet holes.

“You don’t have to look so proud of yourself.” Eren grumbled.

“Says the one with cum dripping out of his pussy.” I joked.

“Levi,” he said, looking away.

“Eren? What is it?”

“Why did you fuck me like that?” He asked, looking at me with still dilated eyes.

“You aren’t ready for anal, yet. We need to stretch you out a few more times before you’re ready.”

“How many times did it take for your first time?” He asked, sitting up on his knees and crawling over to me.

“One time. The first time I bent over for my boyfriend, he just slammed it in so hard I thought I wouldn’t stop bleeding for a week.”

“Holy shit.” He said sitting back a bit.

“It hurt so badly.” I looked over at him and stroked his face. “I could never do that to you.”

“I-I really love you.” He said as he threw his arms around my neck. I reached over to where the dirty towels were on the bed and threw them in the floor. I would clean the whole place from top to bottom tomorrow anyway.

“Brat.” I grunted. “Let’s hurry up and shower and move to your bed so we can sleep.”

“Why can’t we stay here?”

“On this sweat soaked bed?” I looked at him in disgust.

“I like it.” He gave me a puppy-dog pout.

I sighed and stood up.

“Get dressed and let’s shower. If the mattress isn’t so wet by the time we get done, then it’s a maybe.”

“Sure,” He smiled at me. We would sleep in the bed we made love in tonight. I couldn’t say no to my brat.

 


	13. Beer

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is not the chapter I was planning on writing, but I have a fever and way too much chocolate and I wanted something fun before I got into the real stuff. Also I love sasha and conny so thats that

Eren POV

I check in with Hanje frequently, practically every day. I knew that after the first two weeks they must getting sick of my interrupting their work, but I was so eager I couldn’t help it. Luckily Levi had finally started fucking me anally. Levi and I had been in sort of a sexual stand-off before then. An impasse of dick, if you will.

Levi had been so hesitant about taking me anally that I had to practically beg for it. It had led to his first real fuck up with my gender, and, as such, led to our first real fight as a couple. It also indirectly led to me being outed.

_“Look, Eren…I just want to make sure you’re properly adjusted.” He rubbed my hair and then put the towel around my shoulders. We had just finished showering and he was drying me off with Erwin’s fluffy towels. He wouldn’t look at me._

_“You’ve stretched me out 5 times! I can take three of your fingers easily!” I huffed._

_“Yeah, and my dick is bigger than three of my fingers.” He scowled._

_“Then what will take? You gonna fist me before you fuck me?”_

_“No! God!” He paused. “I mean, if you want-“_

_“Are you shitting me? You’ll fist me but you won’t stick your cock in me?” I felt a little angry at him. “I mean, ugh, just come on and be reasonable!”_

_“Eren, I just don’t want to fuck this up. I’ve told you what my first time was like. I’ve been on the receiving end of some painful fucking and I just don’t want to do that to you.” He still wouldn’t look at me._

_“Levi?” I tried to make him look at me by putting my hand underneath his chin and pulling it up. “Were you traumatized from that? Is that what is going on?”_

_He looked at me sharply. “No, Eren, I wasn’t traumatized. I liked it.”_

_“Okay…”_

_He twisted his face up. “I may have a masochist streak, okay?  You don’t, therefore I don’t want to hurt you. There. That’s the thing with putting my cock in your ass. There it is.”_

_“You are a masochist? Holy shit, Levi-“My eyes got wide. That did explain why he liked it when I scratched him and pulled his hair and got rough with him._

_“I just don’t want to hurt you, brat! I liked getting pounded all rough and painful because he would ram into my prostate and I would cum until I saw stars! You don’t have a prostate! It different for you! Because you were born a girl and all your pleasure comes from stimulating the nerves in vagina!”_

_So there it is. The real reason he wouldn’t fuck me in the ass. Because I was ‘born a girl’. I took a deep breath and closed my eyes. I waited for him to realize his mistake. He didn’t._

_“Oh, shit, Eren, beautiful boy, I’m so sorry. I shouldn’t have yelled.” He wrapped his arms around me and I jerked away as I felt our naked bodies press together. I pushed him off of me and threw the towel on the ground. I grabbed my binder and struggled to get it on my wet skin._

_“Let me help-“He started._

_“Fuck off,” I hissed at him._

_“I’m sorry, okay? I won’t yell again!”_

_“You really think that’s what I care about? I yell all the time!”_

_“Then why are you upset? God damn it, you are so stuck. Let me help.” He reached out and put his hands on me. I jerked around and slammed into the wall._

_“Fuck, Eren! You okay?” He said, hugging my tangled body._

_“Stop touching me and get out. Go!”_

_“Eren, beautiful b-“_

_“You don’t get to call me that anymore. Get out, Captain.” I growled, finally getting my binder on. I saw him jerk back at me calling him by rank._

_“Fine.” His jaw tensed. “Brat.”_

_He grabbed his clothes and left me. I dressed quickly, not wanting to think about my body parts. I hoped he would figure out what he did wrong, because I could not be with someone who misgendered me. I was never a girl. I was a man with a vagina._

_“Eren, I won’t yell again.” He said, sitting on the commander’s bed as I walked past._

_“Yell all you want. It’s what you said that mattered, not how you said it.” I left him with that._

_I didn’t go back to our room, where I knew he would be. Instead, I went straight to Sasha and Mikasa’s room in the newbie scouts’ dorm. Sasha and Mikasa were in Sasha’s bed and it looked like they were kissing when I walked in. I ignored it._

_“Go get Armin,” I said to Sasha. I wished she didn’t have to share a room because of times like this, but at least it was better than the trainee dorms, where we all lived in one room._

_“Eren?” They both said at once. Mikasa pulled me into a hug while Sasha shifted from foot to foot before leaving. I hoped she would come back with Armin._

_“He misgendered me. Said I was born a girl.” I said, looking down at her shoes._

_“I’ll kill him.”_

_“No, Mikasa! I love him. I just…I told him that the word ‘girl’ and I are never connected unless you are saying ‘Eren is not a girl’.”_

_“Eren?!” Armin said, hurrying into the room. Sasha stood awkwardly in the doorway._

_“Just a moment, bunny.” Mikasa said to her._

_“I-I’ll go hang out with Conny.” Sasha blushed, then added, “Kitten.”_

_She closed the door and we heard her walk away._

_“Two things,” Armin said, holding up his fingers, “1: What’s going on with you, Eren? 2: What’s going on with Sasha, Mikasa?”_

_I gestured for Mikasa to answer first. Her answer would probably cause be far less complicated than mine. She nodded and we all sat on her perfectly made bed._

_“We’re dating. We both agree she’s more like a bunny, and I’m more like a cat. Hence the pet names. That’s it.”_

_“Hey, that’s great!” Armin said._

_“Congrats.” I said weakly. I wanted to be happy for her, but I was having emotional issues of my own._

_“Eren?” Armin said, rubbing my lower back. Sweet Armin, he knew not to get near my binder._

_“Levi misgendered him. Said he was born a girl.”_

_“What the hell?” Armin said._

_“Yeah. He thought I was so upset because he yelled at me.”_

_“Geez. I’m sorry that happened.” Armin said soothingly. “Need Mikasa to kill him? I’ll hide the body.”_

_“Guys!”I covered my face._

_“I can do it. I know how to make it so he’s plant food. I’ve studied organic decomposition-“ Armin started._

_“Guys!” I whined. “I just want him to apologize. I just want him to tell me I was born a man and I have man parts. I just want him to try to fix this.”_

_“What do you need from us?” Mikasa asked._

_“Distract me. Make me laugh and feel better and maybe, Armin, let me sleep with you tonight.”_

_“Sure!” Armin said._

_“You know one way I know you’ll cheer up? My bunny and Conny have a secret stash of beer in here.”_

_“’My bunny’. How sappy.” Armin joked._

_“She makes me feel sappy.” Mikasa smiled._

_“Yeah, yeah, where’s the beer?” I grumbled. I had never drank before. I had had a few sips here and there, but I had never actually drank. I was kinda excited._

_“May I invite my girlfriend and Conny over to our little party?” Mikasa asked, getting up._

_“So long as they bring cards for us to play.”_

_“I’ll go get Sasha and Conny!” Armin said, leaving._

_Mikasa kneeled next to Sasha’s bed and after a moment, pulled out a big box._

_I kneeled next to her and looked at all the glass bottles in the box._

_“Swiped from where?” I asked._

_“Where else but the officer’s pantry?” She smiled._

_“Yoooooo! I heard there was a sad sack in here that needed some Conny Magic!” Conny said, shimming his shoulders at me with a pack of cards in his hand._

_Sasha and Armin soon followed and we all sat on the ground around Sasha and Conny’s box of beer._

_“Have you guys ever drank this?” I asked, lifting up one surprisingly heavy glass bottle and looking at it in my hands._

_“Naw. We were saving up to have a party for all the newbies, but cheering up a friend is worth putting us back thirty or so.” Conny smiled at me and clapped me on the back. I had a second of panic that he would feel my binder before I choked it down._

_“Thirty? That’s six each. I think that’s a little too much.” Armin said._

_“Well, it’s not like any of us would fucking know. Let’s just see how this goes.” Sasha said._

_“I’ll take the first drink,” Conny said, grabbing a beer and twisting off the top._

_“I think that’s supposed to be cold,” I warned him._

_“I’ll shuffle the cards.” Mikasa said, and Sasha took the pack from Conny’s side and gave them to her girlfriend._

_Armin was pushing the box out of the way of the floor space we would play on when Conny spit warm beer all over him._

_“Ewww!” Armin cried out._

_“That tastes like piss!” Conny licked at his hands to get over the taste. “Why do adults like this shit?”_

_“Cold, dumbass, it’s supposed to be cold!” I laughed. Beside me, Mikasa smiled at my laughter while she shuffled cards._

_“How do we chill this as fast as possible, then?” Sasha asked._

_“Salt and ice water.” Armin said immediately._

_“What the fuck, Armin?” Conny scowled. “Drinking salty ice water-“_

_“No! The salt lowers the freezing temperature of the water, so when the ice melts, the water, and the bottles we put in it get really, really cold.” Armin looked at us to make sure we understood. We didn’t._

_“Look, it’s lowering the freezing temperature and then using the second law of thermodynamics, which states that two sub- Actually, you know what? Here’s the explanation for why we’re doing this: Because I said so.” Armin stood up and pointed at us._

_“Sasha and Conny! Steal some salt from the officer’s pantry! Mikasa! Get some ice in a bowl! Eren! Stay here and be not sad. I’m going to get a pitcher of water!”_

_“Be not sad?” I crossed my hands over my chest. “How?”_

_“There’s lesbian porn books under my mattress. Knock yourself out, man.” Sasha smiled at me. Mikasa snorted._

_“Eren’s gay.” Armin said._

_“Oh!” Sasha and Conny looked between each other. Conny smiled at her and Sasha frowned._

_“What?” I asked Sasha, “Is there something wrong with that?” I fucking hated coming out._

_“The only thing wrong with that, my man, is that Sasha lost the bet!” Conny leaned over and clapped my back. I loved how Conny just casually called me things like ‘dude’ and ‘my man’. It made me feel accepted as one of the guys._

_“You bet on Eren’s sexuality?” Mikasa laughed._

_“He’s so obviously gay, though!” Armin joked._

_“I thought I saw him staring at a couple girls’ tits, though!” She looked at me, “Bisexual?”_

_“No. Homosexual. Gay. Really gay.” I swallowed down the lump in my throat. The reason I sometimes stared at breasts was that I wondered what life was like for cisgender girls. It was the same reason why I sometimes stared at cisgender men’s bulges. I just wondered what it was like to be cisgender._

_“Well…I guess I’ll pay up in the morning then. Um, Eren, uh- I’ve got other books-“_

_“I’ll just play solitaire.” I said, picking up the cards. I fake smiled at Armin and Mikasa. They would the ones that were the hardest to convince._

_“You sure you don’t want to come with me to get water? I didn’t want you to because I figured if anyone saw you…” He trailed off._

_“They’d send me back to Levi. Yeah. I’ll be good. Go, guys! Go get this beer cold so we can drunkenly play cards!”_

_“Hell yeah, son!” Conny said, and they left._

_“I love you,” Mikasa said before she left on her mission._

_“I love you, too.” I told her as the door closed._

_As soon as they were gone, I started groping under Sasha’s messy mattress. I found the book pretty easily. I sat back in my place and cracked the book open. The first thing I saw was a pair of huge breasts. I put my hand on my own chest and pushed, trying to make them disappear into my chest. I looked through page after page of the book, seeing the people in them do all sorts of things to each other._

_I didn’t really know why I was doing this. I wasn’t sexually interested in girls. (I had had only a handful of fantasies about girls, like that one about Petra, and those were nowhere near as pleasing as all the rest of fantasies. I just wanted to test my emotions, I guess. I wanted to see how I felt when I looked at breasts and vaginas. I felt sad, mostly, wondering what life was like when you were so comfortable in your own skin that you could pose for someone nude, perform sex acts on someone and let someone else photograph it, and then let them put it all into a book and publish it._

_I saw the drops fall onto the pages before I realized I was crying. I touched my cheek and started laughing._

_“I’m always fucking crying!” I laughed and a few more tears hit the pages. “I don’t even know why!”_

_I laughed a bit more, then I started sobbing._

_“I’m just as good as any cisgender person.” I said to myself, slamming the book and throwing it against the wall above Sasha’s bed. It made a loud noise before falling down onto the bed. I reached out and pulled the box to me. I grabbed Conny’s open beer and held my nose closed with one hand and chugged it with the other hand. I could hardly taste it with my nose closed, (a trick my dad taught me for taking medicine), but I could tell that it indeed tasted awful._

_I set the glass down and leaned back. This would make me feel better. I would just drink until I couldn’t feel anything. That’s what some adults did, right? I was almost an adult, and I had fucking issues. Guess it’s time I learned to drown my sorrow the way adults did._

_I burped once, then slumped deeper against the bed. I wiped my tears and tried not to think about Levi’s words. The one person I thought I could trust with my gender and my body. The one person I loved romantically._

_“Score!” Conny burst in the room. I screamed. My voice rising to an extremely high pitch. I quieted as quickly as I could. Great. Here comes the voice dysphoria._

_Sasha came in behind Conny, covering her ears. They looked at me on the floor, and took in my red eyes and puffy cheeks._

_“Hey, man, you okay?” Conny said after exchanging tense glances with Sasha. He dropped the bag of salt at my feet and sat down next to me. He threw his arm around my shoulder._

_“You can talk to me, dude.” Conny smiled. “And don’t worry, I won’t tell anyone about that girly scream you got.”_

_Ow. That hurt. I made my voice as deep as possible._

_“Please, don’t misgender me or anything about me.” I said, glancing at Sasha and seeing her eye the familiar book on her bed._

_“Misgender? What’s that?” He asked._

_“When you say someone is the wrong gender on accident or on purpose. You just did it on purpose, which is a real dick move, man.” I tried not to get defensive._

_“Oh, sorry, bro. I didn’t know that was a thing for you.” He squeezed me. “I won’t tell anyone about your high-pitched, manly scream.”_

_I smiled at him. He was so good with people. He just understood things so well. I was grateful for his friendship._

_“Eren, did my book make you cry?” Sasha said, sitting down across from us._

_“I don’t really want to talk about it.” I shifted out of Conny’s embrace and crossed my arms over my chest._

_“Do you, um, want to be a girl?” Sasha asked. She was staring at me gripping my chest._

_“That’s really chill if you do.” Conny said._

_“Guys, I am_ not _a girl. I have never been one, nor will I ever be one.” I snapped at them. Shut up, guys. Just shut up._

_“Hand me another beer.” I said to Sasha, who was the closest to the box._

_“Another? You already drunk one, you dog.” Conny hit my arm._

_“It’s just…you were looking at tits and then you start grabbed your chest and… Look, its okay if you feel like a girl, Eren.” Sasha smiled at me and handed me another beer after she opened it. Oh, fucking hell._

_I plugged my nose and started chugging. Please, just let me get through tonight._

_“Whoa man!” Conny cheered._

_“There’s this thing called ‘transgender’ that Mikasa was-“Sasha started. I choked on the warm, awful beer I was chugging and started sputtering it everywhere. It ran up my nose and my nose and eyes burned. Conny laughed._

_“Oh, shit!” Armin said, opening the door and seeing me spewing beer everywhere. I coughed everywhere and Conny held my beer. Armin set the carefully balanced pitcher of water down on the desk._

_“Could you not wait?” Armin sighed as he grabbed a tissue and gave it to me. “I’ll have it cold and delicious in a few minutes. Geez, Eren.”_

_“It wasn’t the warm beer. I said something.” Sasha admitted. I blew my nose over and over to get all the beer out and even then it still burned._

_“Which was?” Amin asked, handing me more tissues._

_“I was trying to tell him it was okay if he was a transwoman.” She said. Armin looked at me wide eyed. I reached out and grabbed his shirt._

_“_ Help me _.” I hissed to him. Conny shifted away from us, sensing the change._

_Armin nodded. “Why would you say that, Sasha?”_

_“Well-“ She started, but then Mikasa came back with a big bowl full of ice. She set it on the ground and Conny handed me my beer before standing up to get the water._

_“What fresh hell is this?” Mikasa asked while looking at my beer and snot covered mess._

_“He was looking at my book, which is full of breasts, and he had been crying. He’s gay, so I thought, ‘What’s up with a gay boy looking at tits?’ Then I remembered you told me about gender dysphoria-“ Sasha said. Mikasa shot a look at me when Sasha said the word dysphoria. I gave her a pointed look back._

_“-and I thought that maybe he wanted to be a girl. I saw him, like, hugging his chest and thought that maybe… you know… He was a transwoman.” Sasha shrugged._

_“What’s a transwoman?” Conny asked, pouring the salt in the bowl. Armin poured in the water while he explained. I chugged another beer, ignoring Mikasa’s sad glances._

_“A transwoman is a transgender woman. Transgender is when you don’t agree with the gender you were assigned at birth. So someone who was, say, designated as a male at birth, but that’s wrong and they’re gender identity is actually, say, female. That’s a transwoman.”_

_“So, Eren is a transwo-“Conny started._

_“Eren is a boy.” Armin and Mikasa said at the same time, in the same angry tone. They were perfectly timed and toned after having to do it so many times._

_“So, he’s not a transwoman?” Conny asked. “Cause, Eren, it is so chill if you are. Literally so chill. Ice fucking cold.” Conny leaned over and punched my arm gently._

_I leaned my head back against Mikasa’s bed. I don’t know if it was the dysphoria or the beer, but my head was starting to feel funny._

_“What if I was a transman?” I asked. Mikasa dropped the bottle she was putting in the bowl and the water splashed a bit._

_“Even better.” Conny cheered._

_I picked up my head and looked at his giant smile._

_“Why is that better?”_

_“Cause then I could still call you my bro, my man, and my dude.” He said. I started tearing up._

_“Conny!” I said, throwing my arms around him and pulling him into a hug. My head moved because of this and I felt it spin just a bit. Whoa. What was that?_

_“Okay, now it should be cold in no time.” Armin sat back and watched me slumping on Conny. We sat in a circle with Mikasa and Sasha in front of me and Armin beside me with Conny on my other side._

_“What would your name be if you were transgender, though?” Conny said, meaning to be funny. “I’d be Lily, like the flower.”_

_“Let’s not talk about this.” Armin said, looking at my form hunched over on Conny._

_“What? You’re no flower!” Sasha teased._

_“I would be, though! I would be such a classy motherfucking lady!” Conny shot at her. I stuck my fingers out and pointed at the beer in the water. I needed that._

_“I’ll get it,” Sasha said, seemingly immune to the tension in the room. She opened it for me and passed it to me. I didn’t bother to plug my nose now that I had had some. I stayed leaning against Conny and chugged it down. It was cool now, but not cold enough. I set the bottle down and felt the intense need to pee._

_“I’m going to the bathroom.” I said, standing up slowly and shuffling off to the men’s room._

_I was glad to be out of there. I wanted to just take the beer and run, but that was rude. I couldn’t go back to my room now anyway. I wasn’t ready to face Levi. I didn’t really want to leave them, though, I just wanted them to stop talking about things that hit so close to home. This wasn’t like the first time I had been forcefully outed in front of Erwin. That was Erwin. These are my friends. I really didn’t want to leave them._

_I made it back to the room before I collapsed next to Conny and laid heavily on his side. The room was spinning a bit and everything felt fuzzy and weird. I didn’t like it._

_“Haha, man, how much did you chug?” Conny said, pushing me up off of him._

_“Not enough.” I said. I could still remember Levi’s angry face when he said I had girl parts. That had to be changed._

_“Yes, enough.” Mikasa smacked my hand away from the beer before handing one out to everyone else. “Pace yourself, Eren.”_

_“So,” Conny said, drinking some of his, “Eren, where do you stand on the whole if you were transgender what would your name be thing? I would be Lily and Sasha would be Chris.”_

_“Eren, obviously,” I said, not thinking about what I was saying._

_“What?” Sasha asked._

_“Eren!” Armin hissed._

_“Oh, my man means Erin like E-r-i-n.” Conny said, then he commented about the beer, “Dudes, this isn’t half-bad.”_

_“No, I mean my name Eren. E-r-e-n is my transman name. I’m Eren,” I said in a weird voice and slumped harder against Conny._

_“Eren, hush, you’re drunk!” Armin said. Then he changed the subject, “So, how was it getting the salt-“_

_“Not drunk!” I said in a loud, belligerent voice._

_“Heehee, yes you are. You’re so drunk you think you’re a transman.” Conny laughed._

_“I am! I am a man!” I felt so weird. My head was spinning and everything was fuzzy. It was so fuzzy. Make it stop. Why can’t I filter what I say? Why can’t I stop feeling fuzzy? I hate this. I want Levi._

_“Yeah, man, we know.” Sasha giggled._

_“Damn straight. I’m a manly man. I may have these fucking awful things on my chest, but I’m a manly man. Man, man, dude, bro-“I slid my body until I was laying down in Conny’s lap, who was drinking and laughing._

_“So, guys, the salt. How was it getting the salt?” Armin said, desperately shoving himself in the middle of my rambling._

_“Wait? What’s on your chest?” Sasha asked._

_“Nothing! He’s drunk! He’s so drunk he’s-“ Armin started, waving his hands around to distract Conny and Sasha from looking at my chest._

_“Eren is a transman.” Mikasa said in a quiet voice. “He was designated female at birth. He identifies as male.”_

_“Oh.” Sasha said. “That’s how you knew so much about it.”_

_“Yeah.” Mikasa put her scarf to her mouth._

_“I wish I had a penis.” I cried. I rolled over and nuzzled into Conny’s knee._

_“You guys know not to say anything to anyone else, right? This needs to stay in this room.” Armin said._

_“I’ll beat you if you say anything, Conny.” Mikasa warned. “I know my bunny will respect the situation.”_

_“I’m not gonna tell anyone.” Conny said in a soft voice. I stiffened._

_“You said I was your bro!” I cried sliding off him and laying on the floor. When will everything stop moving so much? Damn._

_“You are, bro. This changes nothing.” He sounded sad. I, lacking my verbal filter, told him._

_“You sound sad.”_

_“I’m just thinking about all the times I called you a girl or said something you did was girly. I’m really sorry, man.” Conny rubbed my back._

_“Binder!” I cried._

_“What?” He said, removing his hand._

_“Don’t touch his upper back, it’s where his binder is. He doesn’t like having his binder touched.”_

_“Oh, I’m sorry!” He said._

_We spent the rest of the night happily drinking and talking about other things. When I was just drunk enough to do something else stupid, I went back to my room and confronted Levi._

_“Are you fucking drunk?” He asked as I stumbled into the room._

_“No! You’re drunk!” I said, leaning hard against the wall and trying to get the room to stop moving._

_“Eren, who gave you booze? Hanje?”_

_“You were a real dick earlier!” I said._

_“It was Hanje, wasn’t it? Probably studying drunk titans. Tch. I’ll give them a piece of my mind tomorrow morning.” He moved toward me. I slumped back and nearly feel. He caught my shirt in time._

_“No! You’re an asshole!”_

_“Eren, get in bed.” He picked me up bridal style and carried me to the bed._

_“No fucking! I’m not fucking until you say you are sorry!”_

_“I won’t fuck you when you’re drunk anyway.” He laid me down on the bed and pulled off my shoes. “I’m sorry I yelled, okay?”_

_“It’s not that! You said I was a girl!”_

_“What? Eren, you’re a boy and I know it.” He pulled off my pants and put them in the dresser._

_“You said I was a baby girl!”_

_“I said you were born a girl.” He pulled off my shirt. He reached for my binder._

_“No!” I covered it sloppily with my hands._

_“You can_ not _sleep in your binder. This is not negotiable.”_

_“Say you’re sorry for misgendering me!”_

_“I didn’t mean it like you were a girl! I was saying you were designated female at birth!”_

_“You didn’t say it like that! You said girl. You misgendered me.”_

_“Is that how- Is that what I said means? Did I misgender you accidently?”_

_“Yes!” I cried, hating the way I felt right now._

_“I’m sorry.” He said quietly. “I know you’re a man, Eren. You’re my beautiful boy.”_

_“I was never a girl! I wasn’t a girl when I was born! I didn’t have a fucking magic brain transplant and go from a girl brain to man brain!”_

_“Eren,” He reached for me again,” let me take the binder off.”_

_“Say you’re a dick for being a dick.”_

_“I’m a dick for being a dick.”_

_“Fine.” I lifted my arms up to help him get my binder off, then promptly passed out in the bed._

A couple days after the beer incident, (which was traced back to Mikasa, who took all the blame, which was basically a lecture from Levi), he had given in and fucked me in the ass, which I enjoyed just a little too much.

Life was looking up. I had two friends that knew, so I hung out with them a lot more, and they grew to be very close to me. I had Levi fucking me without the fear of getting pregnant, and Hanje was almost finished with my birth control.

I just couldn’t shake the feeling I was forgetting something.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> cookies to anyone who can guess what he's forgetting.


	14. Doctor Zoe

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Everyone gets cookies for guessing. You guys did really well. No one of ff.n guessed period. That's the correct answer! He's forgetting his period! Also, they have banged more than twice. Wayyyyyy more than twice. They banged alot during the two week time skip Eren mentioned when talked about Hanje in the very beginning of the chapter. Sorry if that wasn't clear! I just didn't write out all the sex. (I thought I would bore you).

Eren POV

I groaned and rolled over in the bed. There was something wet between my legs. Levi stirred beside me, rolling over and my neck. He slid his hand up my ribcage and cupped my chest. Pain shot through me and I winced at the dull ache in my chest.

“Stop,” I said, and Levi moved his hand away from my chest to rest it on my stomach.

“Dysphoria?” He questioned.

“No. Chest soreness is a symptom of PMS.” I explained.

“PMS?” He asked.

“Premenstrual syndrome.” I explained.

“Oh,” he paused. “Well, at least you’re not pregnant.”

“Yeah. We’re in the clear. So, um, unless you want blood on these sheets…” I trailed off, thinking about the wetness between my legs. I wasn’t horny, so it was period time. Ugh.

I went quickly the bathroom after grabbing a pad from my drawers. I didn’t have enough tampons to justify using one when my flow was so light. I scowled. I used to get them from Mikasa, who had an unlimited supply in the girls’ bathroom. Now, I guessed I would have to go through Petra.

I finished up quickly in the bathroom, thinking about how weird it was that my chest was aching at the start of my period and not before. It was also weird how light my period was and how the blood was pinkish instead of red. I shrugged it off. I didn’t like to dwell too long of these kinds of things. My chest felt a lot more painful in my binder than usual, too, but I ignored it.

When I got back to our room, Levi was already dressed.

“Everything okay?” He asked.

“Yeah,” I said. “Um…Levi?” I shifted from foot to foot while looking at him.

“Hmmm?” He said, making the bed.

“Does my period bother you?”

“Of course not,” He gave me a pointed look. “I don’t understand it, but it doesn’t mean that it bothers me.”

“You don’t think of me as a girl because of my period?”

“Of course not.” He walked over and hugged me. “I also heard period sex is some of the best for a person with a vagina. Maybe we should find out.”

“Hanje doesn’t have my birth control!” I whined, blushing against his hug. My chest pressed against his shoulders due to the height difference and the soreness made me pull back.

“Hey, Levi, I’m running out of period stuff. I used to get them from Mikasa. Do you think Petra will help me out?”

“Oh, I’m sure she won’t mind doing that. However, you know Hanje has a stock of them in their room.” Levi raised an eyebrow. “You don’t need to go through Petra.”

“I didn’t know Hanje had that. I should have guessed. I’ll grab a few of them before I get dressed.”

“Okay, I’ll see you at breakfast.” He kissed my hand and I blushed.

I walked across the hallway to Hanje and knocked on their door. They opened it, still dressed in their work clothes.

“Did you sleep?” I asked, stepping in their room.

“No. I’ve been up all night working.” They plopped down at their desk and I saw all the mugs scattered about. It was coffee, I was sure.

“Well, I won’t bother you for long, I just wanted to see if-“I started.

“It’s not done, yet.” They sat forward and placed their head on the desk. They pulled their head up and started smacking it on the desk.

“Hanje! Don’t hurt yourself! I just wanted tampons!” I rushed over to them.

“Tampons.” They froze with their head in mid-bang. “Eren, you shouldn’t be on your period right now.”

“I am, though. I’m bleeding.” I said stepping away from them. They shot their head up.

“Eren, have you ever heard of implantation bleeding?” They pushed their glasses up and grabbed a thick folder from their desk. I didn’t see where they were going with this.

“No.” I peeked at it and saw it was label _Eren Yeager_. This was my file.

“Eren, I need you to recount when it was you last had your period.” They pulled out a paper. “Because I tracked your period, which you confirmed, from months ago and you should have had your period a week ago.”

“One week, whatever. Not everyone follows the 28 day cycle exactly.” I shrugged and sat down in the chair that was across from them.

“Normally I would agree, but you’ve been consistent up until now. You’ve reported bleeding nearly exactly 28 days and now…Hmm…How many times has Levi cum inside of you?” They flipped through their papers.

“Geez, Hanje!” I covered my face with my hands.

“Think of me as your doctor right now, Eren. I need to figure out if you’re pregnant.” They said softly, still looking through papers.

“I’m not pregnant! I’m on my period right now!” I huffed at them and crossed my arms over my chest, ignoring the ache.

“Implantation bleeding occurs right around this time in pregnancy.” They mumbled to themself. “How did I miss that you weren’t having your period at the right time?”

“Hanje? I’m not pregnant. I don’t know what this implantation bleeding is, but I’m on my period right now!”

“Let me guess, your ‘period’ is really, really light and you aren’t cramping?” They raised their eyebrows at me.

“I’m glad I’m not cramping.” I grumbled. I wasn’t pregnant. “It’s light, but it’s there, Hanje.”

“How many times has Levi cum in your vagina?” They gave me a pointed look.

“Like five or six, okay! Happy?” I was getting scared. Saying it out loud made it very real.

“Eren,” They took off their glasses and rubbed their face. “Honey, do ya maybe think that that wasn’t such a good thing for keeping ya, oh, I don’t know, not pregnant?”

“We thought we could maybe get away with it once or twice-“

“Once or twice is a maybe, but five or six!” Hanje sighed.

“We just got caught up and we fucked every time he stretched me. I mean, how could we not? His fingers in my ass turned me on. Look, Hanje, I’m not pregnant. I can’t be. I can’t be.” I sat forward.

“You’re a week late, having implantation bleeding, and Levi’s put his sperm in you five or six times. Welcome to fatherhood.”

“No! You can’t tell from just that! Come on, I’m sure I’ll start cramping soon!” I put my hands on my stomach.

“Let me take some blood and make for sure, okay?” They got out another needle and started the very familiar process.

“I got drunk.” I whispered to them.

“Okay?” They asked, snapping the band against my arm and prepping the needle.

“It was like a week ago. Is that gonna- I mean, if I am pregnant – which I’m not saying that I am- is that gonna-“I felt like crying.

“It’s fine. In that early of a stage…If you are pregnant, it’ll be fine.” They were as soothing as they could be with a needle in my arm.

“Not even sure I’m pregnant and I’m already a bad father.” I started crying. “God damn it, I’m always crying.”

“Hormones. They’ll also make your tits hurt and you’ll gain weight and all kinds of fun stuff.” They sang out.

“Say ‘chest’, okay?” I said instantly. Then I processed what they said. “Oh, no, my chest has been hurting. Oh, god, I was just thinking how it was weird my chest hurt during my period and not right before it.”

“Sorry, I’ll say chest.”

“What if I am?” I cried. “This war, the titans, Levi…I can’t!”

“Eren! We will work this out! If you do have a little miracle baby in you, we will figure something the fuck out.”

“I’m humanity’s last hope,” I couldn’t stop the tears rolling down my face. I was so glad to have hormones as an excuse…but if I did accept that excuse, it would mean also accepting that I was pregnant.

“If you are, then that little mixture of the species would actually be our last hope.” Hanje said softly. “Imagine the possibilities.”

“I don’t want to!”

“Well, I mean, this is all under the assumption you keep the baby. I could perform an abort-“

I just screamed. I pushed them away and ran out of the door, thankful that I had already healed and was ready to go. I ran to the bathroom, pushed a soldier out of the way of the sink, and splashed water on my face.

“Eren?” Gunter. Of course it was him.

“I’ll go get Captain!” He dashed out as I was telling him not to.

Yeah, this was just great. I stepped into the hall and sunk down against the wall. I have to tell him. But what would he do? Would he be angry? Would he tell Hanje to take my baby away from me? I balled my fist up and hit the floor beside of me, angry tears falling down my face. Like hell anyone was taking my baby away from me. 

“There, sir!” I heard Gunter call, and a moment later Levi’s voice came through.

“Eren?” He ran over to me. “What happened?”

“I-I’m not sure, yet.” I said, my voice surprisingly quiet.

“Okay?” He held his hand out and pulled me up.

“I can’t talk about it.” I laid my head on his shoulder. He stroked my back.

“Talk.” He growled, and I stiffened. He sounded so angry.

“I was washing my hands and Eren dashed in and pushed me out of the way and started washing his face, sir.” Gunter said. I could hear the salute in his voice. Levi must have been growling at him.

“Did you touch him?” Levi asked coldly.

“No, sir!” Gunter said.

“Did you-“ Levi started.

“Yahoo!~” Hanje called down the hall. “I found him!”

“Hanje!” Levi growled. I lifted my head.

“Eren, doll, you shouldn’t have dashed off. I didn’t get to tell you that it would only be a couple hours till I know for sure.” Hanje pulled me into a hug.

“Report to duty with the others,” Levi instructed Gunter.

“Yes, sir!” He walked away quickly.

“You, explain.” Levi pointed at Hanje. They looked at me.

“Can I tell him, sugar?” They asked.

“No.” I said, proud of the way my voice didn’t shake.

“What?” Levi’s eyebrows knit together as he looked at me. “Tell me now, Eren!”

“No!” I challenged him.

“Hanje, as a superior officer, I order you to tell me what is going on!” Levi commanded.

“Sorry, dearie, but there is a little thing called doctor-patient confidentiality. Even a Captain’s orders can do anything.” They winked at me. I sighed in relief.

“I’ll tell you.” I promised my lover. “Just give it a couple hours.”

“Eren!” He called as I walked off. I had duties to report to with the other newbies. Unfortunately, this duty was a lesson in Erwin’s scouting formation led by none other than Erwin and Levi. I was already late because my trip to Hanje’s took up all thirty minutes of breakfast and my bathroom incident ran into the beginning of lesson.

“See you in lesson!” I called behind me. I had to stay calm. I had to stay okay for just a couple more hours.

“Hanje, wipe the shit from your glasses and look me in the eyes-“he started to threaten Hanje. I quickly closed the hallway door and rushed to the Scout’s classroom. I wasn’t worried about Levi’s threats. He wouldn’t hurt them, and if there was one person who could look Levi in the eyes and not crumble and tell him, it was them.

Everyone looked at me as I entered the classroom. I ducked my head and walked quickly to the empty space beside Mikasa. Armin, who was next to her, slid me over a second copy of notes. I mouthed ‘Thanks’ at him. He nodded.

Erwin cleared his throat and I looked at him. He raised his eyebrows.

“Everything alright?” His commander voice filled the room easily and I marveled at how different it was from his usual voice.

“Yeah.” I said, ignoring how everyone was staring at me.

“Captain Levi will be returning soon, I take it?”

“He’s with Han- Squad Leader Zoe.” I knew I had to use formality in front of others, but I still sometimes messed up.

“Alright. Yeager, I’m going to catch you up. The rest of you, take this as a review. Now, the point of this is so that we can avoid titan fights altogether…” He went on, and I took the pencil Mikasa passed me and put my name at the top of Armin’s copy of notes. He was amazing to be able to take notes on two pages at once. I tried to take notes as well as he did, but I kept drifting off, thinking about the baby that may or may not be inside of me.

The door slung open and a very angry Levi walked into the room. The newbies all ducked their heads, expect for Mikasa and me. She outright stared at him, figuring that my lateness and his absence we related.

“Ah, Captain, nice of you to join us. Perhaps you would like to tell the new scouts how to behave in case of an emergency.”

“Certainly, Commander.” Levi stared at me. “First and foremost, signal. We can’t help you brats if you _don’t tell us what’s going on._ ”

I looked down at my lap and hugged my stomach. Levi didn’t continue, letting his words hang in the air.

“That’s right, signaling a titan attack is very important…” Erwin started when the tension in the room became too awkward.

We kept on this from 0800 to 1200, when we broke for lunch. We all stood and stretched. I tried to hurry out of the room before either Mikasa or Levi stopped me.

“Yeager,” Levi spoke out, his voice every bit as commanding as Erwin’s. “Squad Leader Zoe needs to see you in their office. Now.”

“Yes, sir!” I called as I turned around. I saluted him quickly, ignoring the stares of the others again.

I thought maybe Levi would follow me. He didn’t. I walked to Hanje’s office alone and emotional. They were waiting in the hall for me.

“Eren, before we do anything, I want you to know that what happens next is entirely your decision.” They told me as they opened the door and let me inside. I sat in the chair I had been in before.

“What does that mean?” I asked.

“Well, if you are not pregnant, you can choose to abstain from vaginal sex and wait for birth control, or you can try for a baby. If you are pregnant, you can keep it, or not. No matter what I say, the next move is yours. I will support you 100%, whatever you choose, as will Levi.” They pulled their chair close to me and held my hands.

“You really think Levi will support me, no matter what I pick?” I asked them.

“Yeah, hun, I think he will. He loves you so much.” Hanje gave my hands a squeeze. “You ready for me to tell you?”

“No, but you have to anyway.” I took a deep breath.

“I examined the blood twice to make sure. Eren, you’re gonna be a daddy.” They held my hands tight.

“O-Okay.” I squeeze me eyes shut.

“You gonna be okay?” They gave me a worried look.

“Y-yeah. I just don’t know what to do.” I took a few deep breaths.

“Well, first you have to decide whether you want to keep-“ They started.

“My baby will be taken from me over my cold, dead body!” I snapped.

“Okay. Eren, no one is going to take away that baby. You’re going to be a daddy. It’s okay.” They scooted their chair closer to mine.

“I’m sorry, Hanje. I’m really emotional. I didn’t mean to snap.”

“It’s okay, Eren. I understand. Petra and I once had a pregnancy scare before she started dating Olou, and it was nerve wracking. I told her the same thing I told you about it being her choice.”

“Was she pregnant?” I asked them.

“Nah. But we were much more careful afterwards.” They smiled at me.

“I just- How do I tell Levi?” I asked them.

“Just let the words fall out of your mouth. Close your eyes if you have to.” They stood up. “Do it now, while he’s on lunch break and you two can go somewhere private.”

“Hanje! Are you sure?”

“Yes, Eren.” They held their hand up and I allowed them to pull me up.

“What if he’s angry?” I asked.

“Then I would be genuinely surprised.” They pulled me into a tight hug. I ignored the ache in my chest and hugged them back even harder.

“Thank you, Hanje, for everything.”

“Oh, you’re welcome, Eren. I’ll make sure you’re taken care of as your doctor.” They smiled at me.

“You’ll be the baby’s doctor, too?” I trusted Hanje.

“I’ll be one of them. We’ll need a real pediatrician, too.” They clapped their hands. “That reminds me! You need these!”

They handed me a bottle labeled ‘Prenatal Vitamins’. “One with breakfast and one with dinner, okay?”

“Yeah. Okay. Thanks, again.” I opened the door.

“Go get ‘im, Eren!” They cheered.

I laughed as I stepped out and shut the door, but my laughter soon stopped as I saw Levi leaning against the wall beside Hanje’s door, one foot against the wall behind him.

“Levi!” I said, taking a step back.

“Tell me what is going on.” He said, looking at me with an unreadable expression.

“I-I-I just-“ I stuttered, but then the door opened again.

“Yoohoo! How did I know that you would be here skulking around? Skulky McSkulkerson.” Hanje stepped out of the room and smiled at Levi. “Don’t worry, Eren, you can’t hear anything from in my room. You have to scream to be heard through these thick doors. Which reminds me, congrats for being so loud your sex cries make it through not one, but two of these doors and into my head! Congrats, babes!”

“Fuck off, Shitty McShiterson.” Levi glared.

“Oh!” They clapped their hands. “That was good!”

“Tch,” Levi turned from them and looked at me.

“Levi, take the poor boy into your room before you lay into him and or lay on him.” They winked. I stumbled around the hall in the general direction to the room.

“Come on, Eren,” He pushed off the wall and grabbed my hand, looking at the bottle in the other hand. I hid it behind my back as he dragged me into our room.

“Please, Eren, for my own god damn sanity, _explain_.” Levi crossed his arms.

“I-I-I- uhhhh- Well, you see I, uhh, I-I’m-“ I couldn’t look at him. I remembered what Hanje said and closed my eyes. I tried to let the words fall out, but the only thing that came out was stuttering and more nonsense.

“ _Please,_ ” He said in a tired voice.

“Here!” I yelled, opening my eyes and taking the bottle from behind my back. I shoved it at him and he took it hesitantly. He opened the top and looked in.

“Pills? Oh. Hanje has you some kind of titan experiment. You need me to beat them for you?”

“The label! Just fucking read it!” I covered my face with my shaking hands. I heard him close the top and heard the pills move around as he turned the bottle to the label side.

“’ _Prenatal Vitamins’_?” He read. Then, a second later, after it clicked, “ _Fucking hell.”_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Maybe a little slower with all my fics. I fucking hate school. I don't even like my classes. Ugh. *foams at mouth* I just wanna build planes dammit. Shove this college literature classes you ass, school.


	15. Telling

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> warnings for mentions of winmin, armin x erwin

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> just a small chapter so you know I haven't abandoned the story...

Eren POV

“Before you say anything, know that I’m keeping this baby no matter what.” I wrapped my hands protectively over my stomach.

He blinked at the bottle in his hands and then looked up at me. “I thought you were on your period?”

“It’s this thing called implantation bleeding. Hanje can explain better than I can…” I drifted off, seeing how his grip on the bottle was getting tighter and tighter. “Levi?”

“You want this baby?” He looked at my stomach. “Even with all the hardships that are going to come in the future because of it?”

“No matter what.” I swallowed hard. “Do you… Are you saying you don’t?”

“I’m saying you should let Hanje take it out of-“

“No!” I yelled. “How could you even suggest that I get an abortion?”

“Because this is going to be a disaster!” He threw the vitamins onto the bed and stalked toward me. “Eren, you listen to me-“

“Absolutely not! This baby is my baby until the day I die!” I hissed.

“Eren, I order you to hear me out-“He came a little too close for my temper and I moved back.

“You’re a daddy, too, Levi!” I screamed at him.

“Not if you-“

“I will kill you before I kill this baby!” I was three seconds from hitting him. His eyes glanced down to my shaking fists and he stepped back.

“Let’s calm down and just- just talk.” He sat down on the bed beside of the vitamins and I sat down far at the other end.

“Eren,” he sighed, “You can come over here. I won’t hurt you.”

“Sure you won’t. You just want Hanje to take my baby away.” I wrapped my arms over my stomach again.

He frowned and moved the bottle to the floor before crawling over to me. I folded in on myself just a bit when he sat next to me.

“You’re going to be outted.” He whispered. “Cisgender men don’t have baby bumps, Eren.”

“I don’t care.” I looked away from him. I was lying; I really did care, but I cared more about the little life inside of me. “We’ll figure something out.”

“Are you sure-“

“Yes.” I said firmly. We sat in a heavy silence until I felt his hand brush up against mine. I looked at him as he slipped his hand under one of mine and pressed against my stomach.

“So, there is… there is a baby in here.” He took a deep breath.

“Your baby.” I leaned toward him and inhaled his scent. “It’s gonna be okay, Levi. We’re gonna make it be okay.”

“I’m sorry about what I said earlier. You’re- If you want the baby then I’ll protect you. Humanity’s Strongest and Humanity’s Smartest are both on your side.”

He tilted his head back and let me run my nose up and down his neck. His scent was so calming to me, so manly and sexy. I gave him a kiss on his pulse point and felt his heart beat against my lips. He wrapped his other arm around me and pulled me against him. I pushed against him until he laid down and snuggled against him. I just wanted to float back into our romantic bubble and not think for a while.

“What do we do first?” He whispered, and I heard the anxiety in his voice.

“Well…First I need to start taking those vitamins. One with breakfast and one with dinner. Help me remember.” I laid my head on his chest and he rubbed my back.

“Then?”

“I guess we go to Hanje. They’ll be my doctor, after all.” I paused. “You know, my…my body is going to change a lot.”

“I know.” He whispered, squeezing me tighter. “Is that going to- How is that going to affect your dysphoria?”

I cringed. I had seen plenty of people going through pregnancy around the town. I had seen the larger breasts and the sizeable stomach and all the feminine changes. “I’m not gonna lie; it’s going to be bad. I’m going to try to be optimistic, though. You might have to help me through it, like you did before with the bottom dysphoria.” I blushed thinking about exactly how he helped me out.

“I’ll be more than glad to help you out with that.” He rubbed me lower, stroking my lower back before slipping a hand in my shirt.

“How about you? Is the way my body changes going to, um, turn you off?” I felt a rush of heat as he started to stroke up and down my spine.

“How could it? You’re still my beautiful boy, even if your body changes.” He rolled me over so that my back was laying against his front. He pulled my shirt up and rubbed all over my stomach. “I guess I’m going to have to be very, very gentle from now on. I don’t want to hurt the baby.”

“I don’t think you’ll hurt the baby, but we’ll check with Hanje.” I squirmed as his hands drifted up to my binder. “Why? Are you wanting to mess around?”

“I just want to show you I love you no matter what changes happen.” He moved down to the band of my pants. “Maybe you should have a celebration push-your-boyfriends-head-down-between-your-legs orgasm.”

“Celebration? You’re happy?”

“You’re happy.” He said simply.

“How do you feel?” I asked, trying to juggle a serious conversation and my increasing desire at the mention of him pleasuring me.

“I’m a little hesitant.” He said, and I heard what he was refusing to admit: “ _I’m scared.”_

“I’m scared, too.” I felt him tense underneath me.

“We’ll work it out, Eren.”

“What are we going to tell Erwin?”

“Obviously, Erwin will hear the truth. Since he knows about your, um, designated female at birth status anyway.”

“And you think he will be okay with this?”

“Not at all. He’ll learn to be okay with it, though.” He squeezed me. “I promise you that.”

I wrapped my hands up with his and smiled. “I’m Daddy and your Papa.”

“Papa Levi. God, I never thought I would hear those words.”

“What was your dad like?” I whispered, and he instantly got stiff. Shit. I had very limited information about his past but his parents were probably not the best topic to start in on.

“Let’s get back to work, okay?” He squeeze me hard once more before he rolled out from under me and stood expectantly by the door.

“I-Okay.” I gathered myself and walked toward him. “When we aren’t in our room or in Hanje’s or Erwin’s offices…we just keep on like we always have?”

“Yes.” He held open the door, and the next stage of my life began.

I found Mikasa and Armin on their way out of the lunch hall and dragged them into a quiet corner.

“Eren!” They both said at the same time.

“You were acting really weird during the lesson, Eren. Are you okay?” Mikasa asked.

“You kept touching your stomach, hugging it almost. Are you on your period or are you sick?” Armin rubbed my shoulder, careful not to touch where my binder was.

“I’m pregnant.” I whispered, looking between their faces. There was no reaction.

“Seriously, Eren? Are you sick? Is that why Hanje needed to take a look at you-“ Armin started.

“I’m with child, guys.” I looked at Mikasa’s stoic face. “I’m one hundred percent serious!”

“Eren?” Armin said, his voice shaking just a bit. “That’s not funny.”

“You’re right. It’s serious. I’m serious. You two will help me right? Mikasa, can you help me with finding maternity things? Armin, can you help with the medical side? You know a lot about that, and I’m sure Hanje will appreciate the help-“

“I’ll kill him.” Mikasa said, her voice quiet and even, a deadly combination. Armin and I looked at her shocked.

“Who?” Armin asked.

“Levi.” Mikasa looked at my stomach. “I’ll kill him.”

“Mikasa. Be reasonable. You aren’t killing the father of my child.” I wrapped my hands protectively over my stomach.

“He forced this on you, didn’t he? He hurt you. He took advantage of you.” Mikasa’s fist clenched. “I’ll knock that chibi down even shorter.”

“Mikasa.” Armin’s hand left my shoulder and went to hers. “Calm yourself.”

Truth be told, Mikasa did look calm. That was the most terrifying thing I had seen from her in a while. The calmness suggested that she had already made up her mind to slaughter the father of my child.

“I want this baby.”

“Did he force himself on you?” Mikasa’s eyes were cold as she looked me over. “Beat you? Threaten you? Order you?”

“No! For fuck’s sakes, Mikasa. I love him! I want to screw him constantly, like a fucking bunny!” I hissed at her. She blinked once.

“Can we put aside the issue of murder for a second and focus on what happens for Eren now?” Armin, ever the voice of reason asks.

“I have prenatal vitamins to take. That’s the first step.”

“Then?” he asked.

“Uhhhh…” I looked around.

“God. Eren, you and Levi need to get a house. Like a real house. With rooms and stuff. Make a nursery and then move in. You two can stay there and have more privacy. Make beginning a search for a house your next move.”

“Good idea. I will.” I loved Armin. I hope he will be a constant in my baby’s life. “Then what?”

“I can’t lay out a whole step by step plan right here right now for you, Eren. That’s something me, you, Hanje, and Levi should sit down and handle.” He paused. “Maybe with Erwin.”

“He wants to fuck Erwin.” Mikasa whispered, and I looked over at her. She was still tense, but she was relaxing a bit. I figured a subject change would do her good.

“You got it bad for Erwin, huh?” I teased.

“Maybe!” His cheeks lit up red. “Maybe not!”

“Now we just need Mikasa to join Hanje’s poly and then we will all three be fucking officers of the survey corps!” I laughed.

“I’m not fucking him!” Armin hissed. “I don’t think he’s gay in the first place!”

“I’m very happy in a monogamous relationship with Sasha, but I do think it’ll be a little funny when Armin and Erwin get together.” Mikasa was relaxing, so I spent the rest of the break casually directing the conversation back to Armin’s crush on Erwin whenever we broke topic. His little red cheeks and sputtering words of denial were too cute. I made a mental note to ask Levi later what Erwin’s sexuality was.I spent the rest of the day on edge waiting to see him again, to talk to him about our future and our life together. I hoped we could be happy together with our child.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> baby name suggestions are welcome!


	16. Song

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Warnings for mentions of erwin x armin and mikasa x hanje
> 
> Update : I have been in a very serious car wreck. It will take a little while for me to get better. please be patient with me. Thank you

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> just some sweetness between our lovebirds before shit hits the fan :D

Eren’s Pregnancy Timeline: Week 3 to 4

Levi POV

“Levi?” I questioned, looking over the paper in front of me. I could barely read Eren’s handwriting, but I identified my own name right off the bat.

“Yeah.” Eren shrugged.

“We are not name the baby Levi.” I shook my head.

“Of course not.” Eren paused. “They would be named Levi Jr.”                                                                                 

“Are you fucking kidding me? How would we know who was who?” I asked.

Eren laughed. “Are you unable to tell yourself apart from a little baby-“

“I meant if you yelled at us to come help you or something. If you just start talking to ‘Levi’, how will we know who you mean?”

“We’ll call them Junior then.” Eren cocked his head to the side, giving me a look that said that it was obvious.

“Then let’s name him Junior.”

“I will not name _them_ Junior.” Eren gestured to the list. “Keep going, please.”

“Blue, Seven, Cloud, Gray-“ I gave Eren a pointed look. “These are all terrible.” We only had one day off per week and this week I guess I was spending my precious free time with my beautiful boy reading off awful names instead of making sweet love. Oh well, it had to be done.                                                                                     

“They are not!”

“Eren, we are not naming him Seven. Can you imagine that? Here’s my son; his name is Seven.” I shook my head. “What in the world were you thinking when you sat down and wrote out these names?”

“I was thinking that I didn’t want to force a gender on our baby! I wanted them to decide for themself when they got old enough.” Eren looked down. “Even in my dreams people used to call me by my deadname. That stopped as time went on, but…the birthname is still triggering. So delicate and femme.”

“Oh.” I looked down at my own list, which I had yet to give to Eren. He wanted me to see his list of baby names first. I was reconsidering giving him mine now. I wanted a daughter, and my list reflected that.

“Let me see yours.” Eren held his hand out.

“I don’t think you’ll like it.” The first name was Rosemarie, after all. The names I picked where mostly from poetry books, and they were all flowery and very feminine.

“Let me see.” He insisted, and I gave it to him.

“Rosemarie, Lillianna, Lacy Beth, Lucy Belle- Okay, Levi, something you want to tell me?” Eren’s eyes flicked up to mine.

“I really want a daughter.”

“That’s not something we get to decide.” Eren looked away. “Maybe we will have a baby that identifies as female, maybe not.”

“I know. I just…I just hope.” When I pictured myself as a father, I always saw myself with a daughter. I would treat her like a princess. “I think it may be because of what I saw underground. There were awful, awful things done to people underground, girls in particular. I want a daughter so I can make sure at least one little girl has an amazing father- fathers – and a great home life.”

“That makes sense.” Eren paused. “Do you need to talk about it?”

I had never told Eren much about my days underground, just as he had never told me about his life pre-transition. To be fair, there was a lot more for me to tell because of the number of years we both spent in those life stages, but I shared a bit with him. He now knew about how I met Erwin and about Farland and Isabell. He had told me nothing. I didn’t even know his deadname. I supposed I could ask Armin and/or Mikasa, but I had to remind myself that I wasn’t entitled to that information just because we were together. He could keep somethings to himself, especially if they were painful.

“No. I’m fine.” I gestured to the list. “There are some boy names further down.”

“Pearl, Blossom, Daffodil, Emerald-“ He had a sudden sharp intake of breath.

“What?”

“My deadname. You came up with my deadname.” He stared at the paper.

“I’m sorry.” I said immediately.

“You couldn’t have known. I- You- We can’t name our baby that no matter what.”

“That’s perfectly okay. Why don’t we focus on something else?” I took the paper away from his hands and put it beside us on the bed. “Let’s come up with names that don’t suggest a gender and aren’t colors or numbers.”

“Or flowers.” Eren sighed.

“Alex? There is both a girl Alex and a boy Alex in the Scouts.” I jumped right in, trying to take his mind off of his deadname. He once told me that the things from his pretransition life are the most triggering. I didn’t want him triggered.

“The same can be said for Cody. I think there’s also a cis boy and a cis girl named Hiromi, too.”

“How about Elie? Spelling it E-l-i-e, we can change the pronunciation from ‘eh-lee’ to ‘E-lie’ and fit whichever gender the baby wants.”

“That’s clever, especially if we have a genderfluid baby. But what if the baby is agender? We should pick something neutral.”

“We can do that. We have plenty of time before the baby is born. I’m sure we’ll find the perfect name.” I reached over and held his hand. “Let’s talk about something else.”

“We need a house. A real house. We can’t live in the military dorms anymore.”

“Agreed. Luckily, I am a captain of a much honored Survey Corps special operations squad, and Humanity’s strongest soldier. I can get one of the houses across the road from the base in no time. Would you like to go pick one out?” I worried a bit about what others would say. Not that I personally cared, but I didn’t want Erwin to get hell because I was moving in with Eren. Erwin had been so good about everything, but everyone has their breaking point.

“Uh. I guess. We would just need two rooms and a kitchen maybe.” Eren squeezed my hand.

“Unless…”

“Unless?”

“What if there is more than one baby?” I was thinking about the possibility of twins or maybe even more. I was also thinking about our future together. I didn’t want to end this relationship, and neither did Eren. Maybe, sometime down the line, we would have even more children together. Who knows?

“I don’t know.” Eren was quiet. “Hanje says we have to wait until I’m further along. But even if we had…twins or more, we would only need one nursery. If we really needed to, we could move into a bigger house later.”

“Alright.” I nodded. I would pick him out a house that had at least three rooms. If we didn’t need the extra room, fine. But we would have it just in case. Not to mention we can use the extra room as a fake bedroom for Eren. I’ll have Hanje spread the word that Eren and I are moving in together for the protection of everyone else. I’ll ask them to play up how with Eren and I living together and separate from the military dorms protects life and property. Hanje has the ability to spread information like wildfire, and for once I was glad.

  “The house come fully furnished, but if you wanted to change somethings around, I’ll take you into town and we can get some new stuff.” I added.

“We’ll have to get nursery stuff anyway. I doubt the bedroom has a crib in it.”

“We’ll go and get one of those after we get settled in.”

“A green one.” Eren smiled. “No forced blue or pink.”

I pulled him against me in what was becoming my favorite cuddle position. If he laid with his head tucked under my chin, facing away from me, and was relaxed, I could wander all over his body and play with him in lots of different ways. I laid back, ignoring the paper crinkling underneath me, bring his body with me at the same time.

“You know,” He stretched on top of me, “I think you like it when I lay on top of you like this because you can play with both my chest and my pussy.”

“I have no idea what you’re talking about.” I said as I slid one hand to rest on his lower belly and one up to rest on his upper rib cage.

“Uh huh.” He giggled, then stiffened. “We still need to meet with Hanje about the, um, possibility of us getting sexual and what that means for the baby.”

“I think it’ll be fine, but I want to check because-“I bit my sentence off, not wanting to go there.

“Because?” He prompted.

“You’re not exactly a normal boy.” I felt bad saying it. I didn’t want to remind him of his titan status.

“Oh.” He whispered, and his body slumped a bit against mine. “Because I’m a freak.”

“Yeah, but you’re my freak. So, that’s that.” I hated that he felt bad because he was a titan. I didn’t understand, and neither did he, but I still loved him.

“I-I-Let’s talk about something else. Where were we before? Oh, yeah, Hanje.” He chuckled. “So get this, Armin has a crush on Erwin.”

“Fuck.”

“I know. We were all talking about it and joked that if Mikasa joined Hanje’s poly, we would all three be fucking officers of the Survey Corps!”

“Hanje would probably go for it. Their hot for your sister-“ I started.

“EW!” Eren jerked off of me. “You aren’t serious!”

“Yes.” I pulled him back down to me. “Hanje thinks your sister is sexy.”

“Ewwwwwwwwwww.” He wiggled around in my arms until he was facing me. I felt a rush of affection for my sweet boy and kissed him lightly on the lips. He crinkled his nose up and pushed his face into my chest. “Nooooo. No kissing after using the word ‘sexy’ and ‘Mikasa’ in the same sentence.”

“Sorry. Just telling the truth.”

“Yucky. Yucky.” He nuzzled into my chest. “Yuck.”

“Anyway, let’s talk about Armin. He really has a crush on Erwin?” I could see those two together. They would sip black tea and talk about books and politics and very lightly kiss and touch. Erwin is a gentleman, and Armin is inexperienced. They would probably stay at the ‘light touches’ stage for quite a while… and then snap and bang the fuck out of each other. I just hope I don’t have to hear it.

“Oh, yes he does. You ought to see his little blushes when one of us brings up Erwin. It’s great!” Eren laughed a bit. “I promised Armin I would check with you to see if Erwin was gay, but I think I already know.”

“Even his shits are gay.” I rolled my eyes.

“I figured. I can smell the queer on him. He’s the head gay of Gaytown, right?” Eren smiled up at me, and I loved the sight of it. I hated how all this titan business stressed him out. Not to mention his increasing worry over being outted and the baby. I just wanted us to be a happy family. I had never, ever had a happy, healthy family. I would fight tooth and nail for one with my beautiful boy now.

“Yes.”

“The King Gay.” He giggled.

“Yes.” I sighed.

“The Gaylord.”

“Eren-“

“Can we get some clay and form it into dicks-“

“Eren-“ I shot him a look.

“and then mouth them in a circle like a crown and give it to him?” He looked so delighted in his plan, I almost agreed. Instead, I tried to distract him.

“How about we make it and put it on _you_ , naughty boy?” I ran my hands down to him ass and squeezed it. “You seem to like dick a lot.”

“I like yours.” He licked his lips at me. “And I know you like mine, too.”

Confusion flashed across my face before I was able to stop it. I had never heard him refer to something on his body as ‘his dick’ specifically. He said things about his dick in general, like telling people, in particular Soldier Kirstein, to suck his dick, but he had never talked about like this. Eren cocked his head a bit to the side and looked at me.

“I sometimes refer to certain things as my ‘dick’. I know I-“ He took a deep breath before continuing. “I know I don’t actually have a penis, not like you do, anyway. Most of the time when I say ‘my dick’, I mean my clit, but sometimes I also mean my vagina. It just depends on the mood, I guess.”

“Okay. Whatever makes you comfortable.” I said without hesitation. “I do need to ask, though… You’ve told me to say ‘chest’ when referring to your chest because other words are triggering. What should I say about…?” I trailed off, knowing he would understand.

“Umm…” He got off of me, sitting up on the foot of the bed. I followed his lead, staying a little away from him. “I guess it depends on the situation. If we’re discussing my body with Hanje in, like, a medical way, then the word ‘vagina’ should be fine. If we are in bed together, I don’t really want to hear that, though. It’s not triggering; it just reminds me of medical textbooks.”

“I understand that.” I wanted to touch him, to at least hold his hand, but he looked deep in thought. He was sitting cross legged on the bed with one leg up, hugging it with his arms in almost a defensive way. He was facing forward, not looking at me, but his eyes weren’t focused on anything. I could see the little bit of blush on his face and the embarrassment and tension coming off of him. He never liked talking about dysphoria, but I needed to know so I wouldn’t hurt him later.

“Umm…avoid that ugly ‘c’ word, okay? Some people with vaginas don’t mind it or like it, but I really don’t like it. It reminds me of how the guys in the bunks used to insult the girls they didn’t like. I got in lots of fights with those people, so they stopped using that around me, but I still hate it.”

“Of course.”

“So in bed you can-“ He paused, biting his lip. Red spread over his sweet face and I smirked, knowing what was coming next. “I really like it when you say dirty things to me. You can say ‘pussy’ or ‘dick’ or something like that. Keep in mind that if I’ve had a bad dysphoria day, ‘dick’ or ‘cock’ or something like that may be the way to go.”

“I can do that.” I got on all fours and closed the distanced between us, giving him sweet kisses all over his face.

“I also- Dammit, Levi, not the neck! We can’t spend all day fucking.” He turned his head to the side and gave my access to more of his neck, though. He loved feeling my mouth on him there. “A-Also, I call my strap-on my dick.”

I froze, my lips still pressed to his soft neck mid-kiss. My eyes flew open in surprise. “Your _what_?” I said into his flesh.

“My strap on. You know…a dildo and a harness, basically. I, uh, have one. I got it in the middle of my trainee days. I had hoped I would get to use it- Anyway, I call that my dick, too.”

I pulled back from him, carefully looking at his curled up form. “How come you never mentioned this before?”

“I dunno.” He looked away from me again. I was worried he never told me about this because he didn’t want to play with it. If he didn’t want to fuck me with it, that’s okay, but I at least want him to know he has the option.

I would be lying if I said I didn’t miss feeling something inside of me. I had many, many fantasies about Eren fucking me in every way I could imagine. I had some daydreaming thoughts about what it would be like if Eren were a cisgender male, and they all involved him bending me over and grabbing me by the hair while pounding into me wildly. I never mentioned these thoughts to him, because I didn’t want him to get the wrong idea. I liked Eren the way he was, vagina and all. I was just curious and exploring it in my thoughts.

“Is that something you would want to play with?” I asked. I felt some arousal curling in me at the thought of Eren inside of me.

“I dunno.” He shrugged.

“Have you ever use it before?” I wondered what it looked like. How big was it? I could take it pretty big. What color? What shape? How big was the head? I started picturing lots of different possibilities.

“No.” He tucked his head into his knees. He was bright red. I reached out a hand and stroked his soft hair.

“Eren? You okay?” I ran my hand down his back, feeling his binder. “I would love for you to fuck me, but you don’t have to.”

“You would like that?” He whispered, not moving to look at me.

“Yes.”

“I-I- We can try it.” His voice was distressed. I didn’t like it.

“Not if it’s not what you want.” I pulled him close to me and relaxed slowly.

“I’ll just need a little while to think, okay?” He pulled one of my hands to his face and nuzzled it.

“Okay.”

He pressed my hand against his nose and inhaled. “ _God_.” He turned his body and pressed his face into my neck. He sniffed at me for a moment before moaning lightly.

“I think you’ve been around that shit Mike a little too much.” I said to take his mind off of the strap on.

“You smell so go damn _good._ ” He started kissing on my neck and I growled.

“Oi. We need to talk to Hanje about shit you can and can’t do before we start going at it like usual.” I grabbed his shoulders and lightly pushed him off of me and he winced a bit, holding his chest. “You okay? Did I hurt you?”

“My binder is really hurting me, Levi.” He said in a sad voice. “I think my chest is getting bigger.”

“I hadn’t noticed any changes, yet.” He was only about a month along. His stomach was still as flat as ever and his chest was still the same size. I didn’t know much about babies, but I was sure those changes would occur much, much later. “Do you think this is maybe partly paranoia that could be coming from, um, what do you call it? Chest dysphoria? Is that the right term?”

“Yeah, chest dysphoria is the right term.” His eyebrows knit together and he rubbed over his chest. “They hurt, though.”

“Maybe it’s time to quit binding, then.” I suggested. It seemed obvious to me that he couldn’t bind all the way through the pregnancy. His chest will get a lot larger, so his binder would be way too small.

“No!” He looked at me wide eyed. “Levi! I can’t just stop binding!”

“Okay.” I nodded at him. “Why don’t we go talk to Hanje about it? They can tell us about sex and you’re chest and the baby and everything.”

“I-Alright.” He stood up. “Will they be in their office since it’s their day off, too? Or will they have gone somewhere else?”

“They are in their office, somewhere. They may be trapped under a pile of pregnancy books, but they’re in there. I swear they haven’t stopped reading since they found out that you’re pregnant. It’s like a dream come true for them.”

“I guess that’s good. That means they’re dedicated to helping me, right?” He smiled at me as I stood up, too.

“That’s one way to put it.” I saw the crumpled up paper on the bed out of the corner of my eye and bent down to pick it up. “I’ll throw both our lists away.”

“Okay.” He eyes the papers nervously. I figured his nervousness had more to do with his deadname and less to do with him wanting to keep his paper or something like that. I tucked the paper into the top of my boot. Suddenly, I had an awful idea.

“Hanje may have some ideas for baby names, too. Will you go get a journal from the supply closet? I’ll find a pencil in here.” I walked over to the nightstand and started rummaging through it. I knew what I was doing was not the best choice, but I wanted to know more about him and I didn’t want to trigger him by asking.

“But there’s paper here.”

“I want to start a bound notebook where we can keep all things baby related in one place.” I really did want to start the notebook. It wasn’t just to get him out of the room.

“Oh. Good idea.” He turned on his heel and opened the door. “Be back in a moment.”

As soon as I heard his footsteps disappear, I took the papers out of my boot.

_Pearl, Blossom, Daffodil, Emerald… Melody_

Eren’s deadname was Melody. I hummed as I nodded my head. He was the music in my life, a beautiful Melody. I pictured his laughing face and felt my heart warm.

“ _Melody.”_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Eren's pregnancy timeline will now be at the top of every chapter to let you know how far along he is.... this story might be a tad longer than expected. *rubs back of neck* Yeaaaaaaaaaaahhhhhh


End file.
